martina is losing it # 26

How is it that it’s been over a month since my last general post and even longer since my last weight loss post? I could say I’ve been busy, which, if you don’t look at what I’m doing Monday- Friday from 9a-5p () and only at the weekends, it’s an accurate statement. But it’s not an excuse.

I didn’t have a great July, pounds wise. I didn’t gain many but I didn’t lose many either. The month brought a 3.3 pound loss. As I always say, better off than on, but… yikes.

August has been OK, so far. I’m down a grand total of 88.6 pounds. Still so very unbelievably crazy to even think about. I have one more weigh in left for the month and unless I go completely off the rails, I should end the month in the negative. I’m so scared there will be a month where I don’t lose anything or where I’ll just break even. If I consider staying the same/gaining after a week a wash or a waste, imagine a MONTH?! I know it happens to people all the time, but those people must be stronger than me because I know it would put me in a bad place.

Speaking of bad places, I think I’m plateauing. Or starting to. Here’s the thing- I weigh in on Thursdays. Sometimes if I don’t like or agree with my results, I’ll hop on the scale on Friday, just to see. Recently, because of my busy, not the best food options weekends, I’ll hop on on Monday to see the damage. The kicker is on Monday I’m at least 2 pounds lower than on the previous Thursday and by the next Thursday, I’m back up to either where I was the previous Thursday or a little bit higher.

What kind of shit is this?

I was/am getting extremely discouraged because it makes no sense. Sure, I’m not as active as I could/should be, but I’m making the best choices I could. Then last week I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a post from a WW tag I follow about hitting Onederland (congratulations, whoever you were!) and she said she probably saw that number because she was slacking on her water and was probably dehydrated but she’ll take the loss anyway (me too, girl!). It got me thinking:

If I only drink water during the week, and totally forget it exists on the weekends, when I hop on the scale on Monday to assess the “damage”, I must be dehydrated, therefore I weigh less.

So, the weight I gain (or maybe “gain”) from Monday to Thursday could be me getting my water in? Not that it’s an excuse because I should be moving more and maybe making even better choices; tracking better, such as. I just don’t get how or why this is happening now. Is it because I’ve already lost a lot of weight and my body is telling me to work harder? Is it a true gain? I don’t understand how my body is any kind of hydrated because as fast as I’m getting it in it’s coming out, if you catch my drift. FAST & FURIOUS. I dunno, man. Science has never been my best subject.

I love summer and am always sad to see it go, but I have to be honest, I’m ready for Fall. Not it’s proximity to Winter and the mess that comes with it, but I’m ready to be a little bit more of a homebody (is that possible?), fire up the oven to make some of the casseroles that became a vital part of losing the bulk of my weight last year and hopefully, while everyone else is in hibernation/bulking mode, I’ll enter shedding season.

Nicole has told me she wants to look for either a gym or a workout class. TELL ME WHERE, TELL ME WHEN. I am ready. It still absolutely amazes me that almost 90 pounds ago I would talk about finding a Zumba class or joining a gym – even get excited at the thought- and then I never would and complain or make excuses for not losing weight. Now, I feel ready. I can’t really explain it but there’s a feeling of “I’d love to go to Zumba with you” in the pit of my stomach. Like my body is ready to get up and move. It feels natural and how it’s supposed to be. That’s what sucks about summer ending, though. Who wants to go anywhere, especially the gym, if you don’t have to in the freezing cold or worse, the snow? I sure don’t but maybe this year I will.

I usually talk about NSVs in these posts and I have to be honest – I have them almost everyday but in small, almost unnoticeable ways. For example, I went to a Backstreet Boys concert last week (I’m writing a post about it, I PROMISE) and my cousins and I were taking selfies and I didn’t hate any of them. Except the ones where my forehead looked like it should be running ads in Times Square, but that’s not weight loss related. I have a big forehead; it is what it is. I stood, I danced, I sang my heart and vocal chords out for three-ish hours and the next day, I was fine. My feet weren’t swollen, my arms didn’t ache. Cool.

why am i so awkward? for the love of god, martina be cool.

Another example is I went to see my foot doctor and he made a comment that I hadn’t been in a while but my feet weren’t too bad. Then he says “You’ve lost some weight. A LOT of weight” I told him that I had, in fact lost A LOT of weight. He congratulated me and I told him that I’ve been really noticing a change in my feet and how long I could walk now and even that shoes don’t rub so bad anymore so I’m not getting as many (bad) callouses. He was nice enough to not say “duh, idiot.” but I knew he was thinking it because I sure was.

My clothes are fitting differently. It’s nice because when I don’t see a change on the scale, I see it in my pants. I’m starting to accumulate a Fall wardrobe and I’ve decided to buy my jeans in the next size down. I bought 3 pairs of jeans from Lane Bryant last week. One pair fits like a glove, the second pair I could wear right now if I HAD to but I would say I’m 3-5 pounds away from them being perfect and the last pair are pretty tight. It’s fine, I’ll shrink into them. Hopefully by the end of Fall, they’ll all be getting big.

That being said, I think plus size clothes are becoming a thing of the past. Actually, and more accurately, I need to do some brick and mortar shopping to see what size I really am. I went to a block party last weekend and I took a picture with the (fabulous) hosts and my first thought was “why is my shirt so big?” It looked boxy and unfitted. I’m wearing between an XL and a 2X but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some Larges that will work for me. WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD. A Large. Who gave you permission?

On the flip side, I was in Philadelphia two weeks ago and I don’t know if it was my carefully planned outfit failing me or the humidity/water retention or maybe even the fact that for about two days I didn’t have much to eat or drink and what I did have maybe weren’t my best choices at the best time of day. Either way, when I looked at the pictures from my time there I was horrified. If you didn’t know I lost close to 90 pounds, you would have never guessed it. I’m not even saying it for accolades or attention. My mom confirmed it so it has to be true.

Maybe I should have left my shirt untucked? Maybe it was my pose? I feel like not only is my lower stomach large and in charge, I look broad. I was really starting to feel narrower and then I saw these pictures and I was like “hm. maybe it was all a dream”. But it wasn’t and I know it wasn’t. Weight loss is SUCH a mind game.

Well, friends I think that’s it for today. Stay tuned for that Backstreet Boys concert post, complete with blurry pictures and maybe some video! Here’s a sneak peek:

Love you, mean it.

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