martina is losing it #9

In a small turn of events, I actually planned to not write a post for the week before last. I knew it wasn’t going to be the greatest weigh in and I really didn’t want to over exert myself. This is basically my only hobby and I haven’t done a GD thing this summer, obviously, I need a break.

Anyway, I was right, and the week before last wasn’t the best weigh in. I lost .7lbs. Don’t get me wrong, a loss is a loss, but I feel like (for me) anything less than a pound is a wasted week. I question what I did wrong, how can I lose more next week? The fear and worry that I’ll have to join and use the gym sets in. *shudders*

I went into last week a little nervous because I knew I had weekend plans that involved eating things I probably should go easy on. I was going to a New Orleans themed restaurant and wanted a muffaletta in the worst way. I decided against it because, although I’m pretty much about tracking and moving on, the thought of tracking all of those delicious Italian meats gave me agita. I decided on a fried shrimp Po’Boy instead. I went with a plan, that was almost immediately thrown out the window. I was going to have half and then the shrimp from the other half, a beignet and call it a day.

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I ate the whole sandwich, most of the fries, a few pieces of a large pretzel and a beignet. I regretted none of it. I had some regret. But I tracked it and moved on. I was good the rest of the week, from what I remember. It’s been so long already.

Thursweigh came and I kept the promise I made to myself after I got the new scale. Step on, let it do its thing, look down, get off. DO NOT REPEAT. So whatever number came up first was my weight. Even if it said I gained every last pound back, I’d have to deal. Except I felt like I lost weight. I guess that’s another side effect of this journey. I’m more in tune to my body.

On, look, off. Simple.

I lost 3.5 pounds.

Yes

So, what does this mean? This means I’m in a new decade, this means they took away another point from me (ugh.), and this means that I’ve lost a grand total of

40.1 pounds

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I WILL NEVER NOT BE FLABBERGASTED AT THE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT I’VE LOST. Sometimes I think “oh, it’s “only” 40 pounds. But then I think 40 pounds is someone else’s goal. Like, they need to lose 40 pounds to get to their goal weight. It IS a big deal, is what I’m saying. It’s a 15-foot canoe.

7Ryf

I’ve worn some, quite frankly, fire outfits lately. I haven’t documented them at all so we’re not going to do side by sides. LOL typical. I do have my usual observations to go through though, so that’s cool.

  • i saw my family for the first time in a while and, not to toot my own horn, but the compliments did.not.stop. TOOT TOOT. (i also had one of those fire outfits on.)
  • still can’t take a compliment. i’m so awkward, it’s sad.
  • i forgot to mention in the last update, or maybe i didn’t, it was a long time ago already, but i got a hair cut, and even though i’m smart enough to know better, i feel like i could credit that with the .7 loss two weeks ago.
  • my towel is soo close to closing.
  • i broke down and bought a new bra. it hasn’t gotten here yet, but i went down a band and cup size. let’s see how this works.
  • like i said above and in every update prior, i feel like this will all go away with one cheat meal or one busy weekend. i’m working through it.
  • i hate admitting this, but i miss mindless eating. like, sometimes it’s kind of annoying to figure out how many ounces of meat is on my plate when i’m not home, with my scale.
  • i miss crackers and chips and dip. again, mindless eating.
  • i’m really proud of my self control. my basic tactic is figuring out the point value and then deciding if it’s worth it. that coupled with my fear of gaining it all back by becoming too relaxed or burning out and becoming aloof, really works. the thing is, sometimes there are things that I really want to have, but I deem them not worth it to not have to deal with the points/guilt. so, from now on, i’m going to try to fit whatever it is in, even if i have to halve it to the heavens.
  • i went out with people who haven’t seen me in years (except on the socials) and they said nothing. no compliments (not that i take them well), no questions, nothing. i know it’s more on them than me, but still it was like, “have you seen a 15 foot canoe lying around? because i’ve lost one.”
  • the dating front hasn’t changed. still swiping and getting nowhere. still looking around every corner. still kind of self-conscious (it’s a fun mind game i like to play). still kind of  (pretty) lonely. meh.

Is that it? I guess that’s it for now.

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