I told you I wouldn’t be back right away. I didn’t think it would take this long for me to actually sit and write something to post, yet here we are a mere month later.
I’m going to be real with you. I’ve thought about writing and posting pretty much every single day. And every day something would “come up”. I’m stuck at work. I have nothing to say. I’m tired. and on, and on, and on…
I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m hoping that by getting this posted, I can break away from whatever is bothering me. I’m in one of those stages where I can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. There has to be something wrong since I have had absolutely no desire, past doing it in my head, to do what I truly enjoy. blogging and taking pictures, in case you weren’t sure. I feel lazy, unsure, not funny, just all around ill-equipped to be here, running this blog. It’s a funky funk. I think. I hope. I feel fragile but for absolutely no reason. Maybe it’s not fragility, maybe it’s more vulnerability. Either way, it’s not something I’m used to and I don’t like it. Is this normal? Do you feel like this too sometimes?
I’ve been waiting/looking for inspiration. I keep up with my favorite bloggers, hoping that something will turn the light on in my brain. Nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I think you guys are great. AMAZING. But your stories are your stories. I can’t pull inspiration from things that I can’t relate to/never experienced.
I’m hesitant to write this because I feel like every few months (weeks, if i’m being honest) I’m here complaining about my life. My job(s), my (lack of) romance, my weight/clothes shopping, what have you. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the constant whining.
wahhhhhh i don’t wanna work weekends. wahhhhhh #foreveralone. wahhhhhh shopping sucks.
That’s how it sounds in my head, at least.
The fact of the matter is, if everybody’s workin’ for the weekend, then you got it covered so I’ll just stay home. I just want a regular job. 9am-5pm (or 7-3 or 8-4, whatever), with my own desk, computer with internet access (you would think this is standard; it’s 2017. you would think.) Maybe one that showcases my skills. Definitely one that affords me to do basic things (like take a day off and not worry about finding coverage or not getting paid for the day).
I paid for a month of OKCupid. It’s not going well. To be fair, I guess you get what you put in and I’m not making much of an effort, but I digress. I’m getting a handful more messages/likes than usual but nothing that would have me think “why didn’t I do this sooner?” Have I put myself out there in other ways? No, but can we just not go there?
I don’t know what to say about shopping. When it’s good, it’s OK and when it’s bad, it sucks big elephant dick. (remember when i said i thought cursing was becoming too free and easy? let’s all have a laugh at my hypocrisy)
I’m also really tired (like, really tired. exhausted even) of the absolute fuckery that’s going on in the White House/government lately. On the news, they were reporting about the nerve gas attack in Syria. The Commander in Tweet released a statement blaming President Obama and his administration for it (wut?) and then basically told the Syrian dictator to carry on. NBD. NERVE GAS. As in a chemical that is banned by the civilized world. GTFO.
It also doesn’t help that my father is obsessed with, as he calls him, the Trumpster, so it’s all news all the time in my house. And by obsessed, I mean in a good way, like, how do we get rid of him? Here, sign this petition.
As if it needs to be said at this point, but everything has been annoying me lately. Like, a lot more than usual. Things that shouldn’t get under my skin are getting under there and setting up camp. Everything has been making me suck my teeth and roll my eyes. I’m (almost) 30, not 13. WHAT IS GOING ON? But then again, some eye rolls are warranted. Like when my boss yesterday went to pick up her phone to make a phone call, thought better of it, and then asked me to make the call instead. Or, like when she called me from her desk with a functioning computer on it, to ask if I could email a student about an event that we were having last night. seriously?
Life isn’t all bad though. Harry Styles is releasing his first solo single on Friday and will be on SNL the following week. I can’t wait to hear that raspy voice and get lost in those sparkling emerald eyes of his.
I jumped on the bandwagon and updated the name on my blog’s Facebook page. If you’re thinking of changing yours, DO IT. I haven’t seen a huge jump in views, but there’s definitely more traffic to the page, which hopefully, will lead to traffic to the blog.
Am I being dramatic? Yea, probably.
Eventually, inspiration will hit and I’ll be back, better than ever. Like I never left.
Thanks for reading! Thanks for putting up with me. I’m a real handful. A gem.
On a quick sidenote – what’s everyone watching? I am really loving Feud: Bette and Joan. They were some #badbitches. You can’t go wrong with Ryan Murphy.