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DIYDS: how to wrap a coffee mug

I’m not the most crafty person in the world nor am I the most patient. Especially when I know how I want something to look and when it doesn’t come out that way, I usually just throw my hands up and find a spot for my unfinished project to collect dust. Go hard or go home, amirite?

There are times, however where things just come together nicely and, frankly go my way. Like that time I shared my instawall project. Which, by the way, I still love and wish I had my own place and could cover every wall with it.

Then there are the times when I have no choice but to power through and just get it done. This is one of those times. Ever since starting this blog, I am more apt to look to other people’s blogs for ideas, how to’s, and personal experiences (esp. when I’m planning a trip) when Googling. I want people to come here for the same reason, not just for my incessant ramblings about plus size shopping, being single and Harry Styles. But by all means, come for those things too!

Anyway, I’m here today to share a how-to. I love a good how-to, or as I like to call them, Do It Ya Damn Self (DIYDS – because if you want it done right…). This is a fun one and suuuuper useful. Ladies and gents, I now present:

HOW TO GIFT WRAP A COFFEE MUG

You’re probably thinking “Martina, you don’t gift wrap coffee mugs, silly” or even “a gift bag and some tissue paper works.” And in both cases, I’d scoff and say “taking the easy way out, are we?”

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Step One: have a boss who is anal – super anal. But one that also doesn’t want/ know how to do these things for themselves. Or one who is kind of obsessed with finding things for you to do for them instead of letting you help your other co-workers. (too specific? probably.)

Ok, so your super anal boss has called you into their office and tells you that they need you to wrap some end of year gifts for the upcoming staff meeting (graduation is in May, so things are winding down). Three sweatshirts and three blankets. No problem, easy peasy.

Step Two: have an inkling that something else is coming down the pike. You’re almost finished with the blankets and sweatshirts and they’re getting that look in their eye.

You know the one – it looks like they’re going to ask you to do something you’re going want to say no to but they’re the boss and know you won’t say no to them. step 2.5 is not smacking the look right off their face because you have an online shopping “issue” and need the stupid paycheck.

Step Three: let SAB (super anal boss) know that you’re done with the blankets and sweatshirts. Also, be patient when they ask you more than twice which one is for the male recipient and which is for the female recipients. (floral paper for the girls, bright green for the boy. i mean, really?)

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Step Four: Wipe look of disgust off your face when SAB asks if you could wrap these eight(!) mugs. Mention that last year you used tissue paper to wrap them (because it’s quick and easy.) Make sure eyes don’t roll when they say “oh, I don’t have tissue paper, just use the wrapping paper”.

Step Five: Take a selfie showing said disgust.

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With any luck, your boss will leave the office for a few, so you can take advantage of their absence and your hot pink lipstick and snap a sanity saving selfie.

Step Six: Be overly cheery when SAB comes back and asks if you’re doing OK. “Yep! Great!” *dies a little inside*

Step Seven: Figure out how to actually wrap a coffee mug. Personally, I put it on its side, rolled the paper around it, taped it down, and then somehow folded the top and bottom and taped that down too.

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Step 8: Give SAB options by wrapping one in paper and one with just ribbons. Pray that they’ll say the ribbon one is fine, but know deep down that they won’t.

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Step Eight: Resign yourself to the fact that you will be spending all morning wrapping mugs. FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. GOD.

Step Nine: Try (again, for the 603682686th time) to not claw SAB’s eyes out when they look at your finished products and ask they there be more “curly things” on the “flat side” of the mug. WHAT EVEN IS THE FLAT SIDE OF A MUG? THE TOP? WHERE THE PAPER IS CAVING IN? THE SIDE? WHEEEEEREEEEE?

Step Ten: Finish (finally!). Try not to laugh when SAB tells you they look really good.

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Even Stevie Wonder knows they look like garbage but, thanks!

And there you have it – how to wrap a coffee mug in just 10 easy steps! I hope this helps!

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12 years

Yesterday was my 12th anniversary at my first job. I don’t know why I’m writing this post because I really have nothing to say on the matter. I’m all about posterity, I guess.

12 years. I was seventeen, 5 months away from graduating high school, 6 months away from being legally able to buy a lottery ticket. I was bright-eyed and optimistic. 2 years. i’ll stay for 2 years. 3, tops. 

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oh, you silly, silly little girl.

Fast forward 12 years. This old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be. I feel like, in some way shape or form, I will always be on shift at this place. My eyes are less bright and the optimism pretty much gone to the wayside.

Since I’ve started working my other job, coming to this one is easier.And, if we’re being honest, vice versa. The thing about both jobs – I don’t think I could have one without the other. I think they’d both kill me slowly. This one because the people I work with (minus a select handful) and the other because of, well, a few things but maybe that’s another post. I should say, I’m not trying to be bitter. I feel like it’s coming off like I won’t be happy at any job, but with that last shred of optimism, I’ll say that’s not true. (it can’t be. for the love of God.)

Well, anyway, it’s been 12 years. My career is in 7th grade. That says alot. It’s a new year – you never know what may happen. miracles

i feel weird using this gif after i complained about the abundance of cursing lately, but, in my experience, this fits. 

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les incompétents

This is a quick, impromptu post. I’m trying a new approach to blogging, that being when I’m really riled up (good or bad) about something, I’m going to try my best to come on here and unload/celebrate. This probably won’t last too long, but it sounds good, right?

Today I’m unloading. I’m pissed. And it has nothing to do with the election. Apparently., my director has made some comments about me when I’m not at this job. I found out that she has called me incompetent and has questioned “how someone with a college degree doesn’t know to do XYZ” What is XYZ? Well, in this case, it seems to be not returning a folder to her office.

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Let me tell you something about my college degree. If you ask me, it is and has been TOTALLY wasted being here. Every time I try to do something the least bit out of the box, it gets rejected. I’ve applied for jobs all over this campus and all over this building. I could almost bet my next 15 paychecks that my big boss (the one over the Director) has put the kabosh on all of them. Not to mention, a job that I applied for and wasn’t even interviewed for because I didn’t have my Master’s (which is a whole other story), eventually went to the laziest, rudest, out of touch, moron I’ve ever met.

I know, I know. I sound bitter and maybe I am, but, jobs and interviews and all that crap aside, I am not incompetent. I am not stupid and I can run rings around both the Director and the Assistant Director. God, i sound cocky. i’m not, just trust me on this one.

Also, the folder did not get returned to her office because I was busy working an event, just like everyone else. When it was done, I was tired, just like everyone else. So I went home, just like everyone else. The only difference was that I had the next day off. It’s not my issue that you can’t handle the staff helping each other out by doing things like returning folders or whatever. NOT. MY. ISSUE.

Leave my degree out of this. It’s been through enough. Unless you want to pay for another one. That’s the one you can talk shit about.

Meanwhile, or maybe to prove my wasted degree point, I was asked to come in on my day off to prepare the department’s Christmas cards. Why? I’m the “only one” who knows how to do the labels. You know, make them straight and whatever.

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I opted to take them home and get them done, this way I don’t have to put on pants or brush my hair. win/win.

What’s irking you today? Sorry for the job rant. I really don’t like talking about this nonsense on here because 1)everybody hates their job sometimes, 2) everybody has that one co-worker/boss.

Let’s discuss!

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rant & ramble: you know what’s pissing me off lately?

Woah, third post this week.

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Get the butter because I’m on a roll! Today I’m here to talk about things that have been getting under my skin as of late. I was thinking that I should probably just start a series of these since I feel like I do them more often than not. Then I realized that I made a whole category dedicated to them already. I’m really not a miserable person, I promise. Anyway, I’m rantin’ and ramblin’ so hop on board!

You know what’s pissing me off?

-humble bragging, insta-bragging (whatever) about being engaged. You know the girl. Maybe you are the girl (in that case, no offense and congratulations!). The one who posts and “innocent” photo of their fresh manicure (!!) or their new coffee mug/smoothie cup (!!). Except their shiny new engagement ring is smack dab in the middle of the photo. like, hey, what’s up, hello. Also except that they’ve been engaged for like ever already. Is there a reason why everything is being held in/done with your left hand? I’m left handed and I don’t use mine as much as an engaged girl on Instagram. Obviously, I give a pass to the girls who just got engaged. Personally, my eyes don’t roll until about the 3-month mark. After that, eyes get rolled and teeth get sucked.  All of this being said, prepare yourself for when my time comes because if my 90-year-old, arthritic hands can still hold a phone to take a picture and post it, I’ll be hashtagging and posting the shit out of my left hand. #blessed #luckygirl

-people who treat receptionists like they are public enemy number one. Thanks to my new job, I am quickly learning that about 80% of our client base feel that it is totally OK and normal to treat me and talk to me like I am the stupidest person they have ever come across. Like I am on the same level as the gum on the bottom of their shoe. Like a flea on a rat.

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On Monday, the phone WOULD NOT STOP RINGING. I begged, I pleaded, I threw a $20 bill at it. I did everything I could think of, short of ripping it out of the wall, to get a moment’s peace so that I could handle the people in front of me. And yet, even with the shrill ring of the phone sounding every 30 seconds* and the exasperated look on my face, people still found it in their hearts to make me feel like they were the ones who were overwhelmed.

*not an exaggeration

-it’s been hot here in Brooklyn. Actually, not so much hot as it feels like Satan’s living room. It’s between 90 and 100 degrees every day with a humidity of about 5000%. The air conditioner in my room is old. High, Medium, Low knob kind of old. But, it still works well so, no big deal. My friend Slater (ba dum dum) has been showing his age lately by being super noisy. I sleep with my television on so noise usually doesn’t bother me, but it sounds like a rocket launch right next to my head. I guess the alternative is drowning in my own sweat, so I’ll just shut up now. Especially since soon enough it will be winter and I’ll be longing for the days of my screaming air conditioner. The Farmer’s Almanac is saying that this winter is going to be a doozy too so, I’m soaking it all in.

-my love life is abysmal. I know this, my friends and family know this, by now you know this. However, the universe is sending me signs from all over and then not following up. I’m a big believer in signs. Probably so much so that I’ll try to twist anything into meaning something. It’s another one of those quirky things I do that I’m hoping someone will find endearing and love me regardless. Anyway, for the past few weeks, I’ve seen names of boys I’ve liked all over the place, I saw my seventh grade crush on OKCupid (we were a 90% match.. i meaaaannnn…), and I bumped into someone I worked with at the seventh circle of hell. We were talking and catching up a little. I tried my hardest to flirt, which I am usually terrible at but I have to say I was doing holding my own. Without going into too much detail, the reason why he came in was because he had to pick up his paycheck. Payroll had gotten their wires crossed because he now works in a different department. So, I thought I was going to see him again the following week on payday, but when my supervisor went to pick up the checks, she returned his to payroll since she didn’t want the big boss to see it. Not know this was going to happen, I dolled myself up and walked into work like a dark haired Honey Boo Boo. I tried to play it so cool. When my supervisor came in with the checks, I was so excited. I had the breezy Facebook message all planned out. Then I find out that it won’t be necessary. Now I don’t know when I’ll see him again. Don’t mind me- I’m just in the corner, overthinking things, as usual.

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See what I mean? WHAT GIVES, UNIVERSE?!

What’s been pissing you off lately?

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i got something to tell ya, i got news for you!

I try to be as open as I can be in this, my little space on the internet. I’ve been keeping something from you guys that I’m finally ready to announce. And, no, it’s not some nonsense that I’ve been watching the Kardashians.

i got a(new)nother job!

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Yep. So that’s why I’ve been a bit more absent than usual.

There’s so much to tell so let’s get started.

I now work in a veterinarian’s office that is walking distance from my house. Literally 10 minutes, door to door. It’s part time for now so I’m only there three days a week, two of them being Saturday and Sunday. I’m not thrilled with working the whole weekend but I’m crossing my fingers and toes that it will change eventually because, honestly, I don’t want to do it forever.

I started in April; today is my 4 month anniversary, actually. Telling my other job that I would be giving up my weekends and Mondays did not go as planned, which is par for the course in the 7th circle of hell. But, they gave me a small lunch and a dog pendant from Tiffany’s, so it wasn’t such a loss. I’m there a day and a half a week, which is more than enough. If the guy who does the schedule asks though, I’m working at my new job 5 days a week. Believe it or not, I’m getting asked to work now in the 7th circle than I was when it was my only job.tumblr_me652mT1py1ry1cmfAt the vet’s office we only service dogs and cats, although we had a turtle stay for a few days last week. As amazing as that sounds, it’s not all puppies and kittens and rainbows. On my first day, someone came in to put their dog down. So.. yea, there’s that. Did you know that when dogs get nervous they tend to pee and poop all over the place? Yep. Welcome to the waiting room. Where I sit. ALL.DAY.LONG. Don’t get me wrong, we clean it up as fast as it comes out, but smells linger. I’ve seen, smelled and heard things that I never thought I’d hear, see or smell at work. But it comes with the (marked) territory, I guess. The worst thing about dogs and cats, though? THEIR OWNERS. Sure, some are fine and understanding and patient. And some are pushy monsters. Listen, I understand that pets are like children. They’re part of the family. I GET IT. But, you have to understand that I have to answer to my boss as to why there are 15 appointment slots and we saw 20 people that day. I hate turning people away but I hate getting in trouble more.

It’s taking a lot of getting used to. The one thing I have to say about working in the seventh circle is that they took their time in training you. Or, at least they did when I started. Here, I’m not really being trained. It’s more like I get told what to do and I’m expected to remember it and do it right every time. That’s going well.

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I don’t have traditional co-workers and, to be honest, I really miss that. I’m also working in a predominantly male workplace, which is a total change from the seventh circle. Speaking of men, when I told my boss that I had found a new job and that things were changing, she said to me “This is great, but I’m a little concerned about how you’re going to meet people” So I said,” You mean, to network?” She said “Yeahhh and like SOMEONE. Like, maybe a boyfriend?” (yep. she went there.) I wanted to say to her that in the 11 years I’ve been here, although I’ve found many people attractive/funny/dateable, nothing has ever come about (which is a whole other post about how I don’t take initiative, but I digress). I assured her that I’d be on the lookout, especially since the office is in my neighborhood so you never know who will pop up. Especially people from high school who come in with their spouses and children, or people you hated growing up that you have to pretend to be an adult in front of now.

I’m doing alot of complaining but it’s not all bad. First, puppies and kittens, duh. Second, did I mention it’s walking distance from my house? Third, it’s a stepping stone out of the seventh circle. All I need is for my new boss to tell me he needs me for one more day and peace out 7C. And really, if he doesn’t, and April 2017 starts to rapidly approach, well, there’s not much keeping me there (except the fact that it’s walking distance from my house. i don’t know how i’ll give that up.) Fourth (do I have to keep numbering?), my boss is nice. Lately he seems a bit more agitated, but in general he’s nice and it’s refreshing. Fifth (guess so), although some of the pet parents suck, there are some really cool ones. I appreciate them so much.

I have a feeling this job is going to provide many blog posts so stay tuned!

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call the waahhmbulence

Have you ever been in one of those moods where everything just bothers you? I know I’m not alone here so I’ll just imagine all 3 of you nodding your heads. Anyway, I’ve found myself in one of those moods lately and as much as I really don’t enjoy blatantly complaining on here (true story: i’m not 100% sure if i’m kidding with that sentence or not), Facebook has reminded me that I haven’t posted in 5 days so I figured, why not?

To make it easier on myself, I’m going to list my first world annoyances instead of just rambling on about them paragraph by paragraph. as if that’s not going to happen anyway.

  • my job is annoying the ever-loving piss out of me. i know, i know – it’s the same story all the time i hate my job but i’m trying to get a new one. new year new me, bitches! whatever. this week has been torture. i wasn’t feeling well monday night but still decided to go in on tuesday, which was a mistake. i kept looking for corners to hide away in. which maybe would have slightly worked if i worked with normal people. who don’t look for me EVERY FIVE SECONDS. listen, i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times – i know that i’m not alone in my hatred of my job, my annoying co-workers, etc. however, it’s my blog and i’ll whine if i want to. a quick example – one of the events we hold for our students is the spring fling. it used to be winterball but all of a sudden that changed. i don’t ask questions. so i was tasked with the tickets. start to finish. i designed them, printed them, cut them and tomorrow i’ll bag them up so they’re ready to sell. today i was in the middle of cutting them out when my director comes over to me and says “oh! i don’t want you to cut your finger!” i finished the cut with the guillotine style paper cutter that must have come over on the arc with noah. i looked up for a second and she steps next to me and says “can you help me scan this to my email?” my co-worker was LITERALLY (the dictionary literally, not the basic bitch literally) sitting RIGHT THERE. she is more than capable of helping you scan something. my director has this thing where if she asks you to do something, you have to do it completely. meaning, if she gives you something to take from her office downstairs to make a copy (don’t get me started) and your co-worker happens to be going up to her office, you cannot ask your co-worker to save you a trip and bring up the copies. it drives me nuts. in addition, my night manager is still a condescending, rude jerk. i CAN.NOT take him anymore.

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whine, whine, whine. ramble, ramble, ramble.

  • i signed on to twitter this morning and the first thing that popped up was a tweet from MTV that said a “source” confirmed that One Direction is really breaking up. i probably shouldn’t include this one because i feel like if i write about the four lads from Lo(ver there, across the pond) again my blogging card and my “adult” card will be revoked. except i think it’s pretty obvious i got my adult card from the same guy who chalked everyone’s IDs in high school. how about this, “source”- let them go on break first and then we’ll see if they come back.

if you love something, set it free…

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they officially start the hiatus in march, contrary to my previous falsely reported date of sometime this month. whatever. it just wasn’t something i wanted to see being already miserable at work.

  • why do all of my favorite shows keep getting cancelled? i know i watch entirely too much television, but i feel like everytime i turn around another one is cancelled. rizzoli and isles is done after the next season, mob wives just start its final season (i’m going to miss those women so much.), and i just found out that mike and molly was cancelled.

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  • lastly, for this post anyway, POWERBALL. what the hell, man? the lottery gods just couldn’t throw me a bone? i can’t even say “oh, we all deserve to win” because let’s be real, when it comes to lotto, it’s every man for himself. i had so many plans for that money. ugh.

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First World problems, I definitely know.

Can we quickly talk about how I missed the memo about National Sticker Day? 7 year old Martina who carefully curated every sticker in her Lisa Frank sticker book is throwing the biggest tantrum right now.

What’s annoying you lately?

Let’s discuss!

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I’m linking up with Amanda today!
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*sucks teeth*, *rolls eyes*

I really don’t like to write about my job on here. For a few reasons. One being just in case someone who isn’t supposed to see it (do you not know the meaning of “public” or “internet”, martina?) finds it and second being that I CAN’T STAND THIS PLACE and it would slowly take over the whole blog and I’d have to throw the whole thing down the garbage disposal. Writing incessantly about 1D (still having withdrawls, btw)and Mindy is one thing but about this hellhole is another.

That being said, I have to just complain for a quick second. Today most of the professional staff has started their vacations. So I’m stuck with my director who is cool, but after over 2 years of working together, I still can’t figure her out. And I’m stuck with the Night Manager, who I seriously dislike (look at me being mature and not using bad words). Anyway, I knew that the time sheets needed to get done so that they could be brought over when we aren’t here next week. Taking the initiative, as I’m constantly told to do by people who know more than me, I started them and brought them up to be signed by the director.

Needless to say, I had some mistakes. Instead of just either pointing them out, fixing them and dropping it, the night manager comes to me and tells me I did them wrong, made me fix it (fine, my mistake. i’ll correct it.) and then kept going over it like I was some kind of moron or something. I run a highly (ahem, in my head) successful blog. I do not need you speaking to me like I don’t know the language.

Noticeably pissed the eff off, I exited the situation before I said or did something stupid. Now, believe me, I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but 1) it was the whole situation. I brought up the time sheets and I got “oh I wanted [night manager] to do them.” No “thanks” or “good try”. I don’t need to be coddled or stroked but it just annoyed me. And 2) this night manager is constantly talking to me like I just landed on this planet. He’s RUDE and CONDESCENDING. I’ve spoken to my direct manager about it and there’s not much we can do. The biggest problem is that my big boss apparently loves him because every time I turn around she’s approving him to make big purchases and although he gets in trouble sometimes (she’s a yeller), he’s never formally reprimanded and he’s pulled some shit that normally wouldn’t fly.

To cool off I logged on to Instagram and found this. “It’s like the internet is living my life with me”, I thought.

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The other thing that I have to mention is that when I got in today, I found out that we were supposed to Un-Christmas the building. Umm. the holiday is two days away. Could we cool it? So the tree that went up in November, met its maker just two days before its big day. Also, it took 3 days to decorate the building and we’re supposed to pack it up in 6-ish hours? Get a life.

Basically,

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How’s your day going?

Let’s discuss!

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they work hard for the money.. or do they?

You’ve probably already heard by now that Rebel Wilson came out and said she declined an offer to present an award with the Jenner girls at the most recent VMA’s. She said, “It’s not that I hate any of then individually, but it’s just just that everything they stand for is against everything I stand for. And they’re not famous for talent. I worked really hard to get where I’ve gotten to.” That was last week. This week, Oprah has come out and said that she believes they actually do work hard. I saw this article on Buzzfeed where she says that she and her team followed them around for 7 hours along with the Keeping Up with the Kardashian team. After Oprah left, the KUWTK team stayed for another 7 hours. HELLO? This is reality television. I’m not saying that being filmed for 14 hours is easy, but I could definitely think of worse things to be doing for the same amount of time.

Rebel Wilson also made mention that Kim Kardashian got famous from a sex tape when Rebel went to acting school and put in work; she did her time, so to speak. I feel two ways about this. Kim K never claimed she was an actress so although I know where Rebel is coming from, it’s a little bit null and void. I also know not to take what Rebel said quite so literally. However, if it weren’t for the sex tape and her mother, Kimmy would probably still be Paris Hilton’s assistant – if she even needs one anymore.

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I know Kim’s father was one of OJ’s lawyers but it wasn’t until after he died that they even came out of the woodwork. Honestly, I didn’t even put the two together until about 5 years ago. How come Kris or any of the kids didn’t capitalize on their last name before? If we’re being real here, I would have had signs made to wear around my neck “Famous person’s daughter. Give me things.” And if we’re being really real here, I think Kris has her hand in leaking the video. Or is this old news? Moving on.

All of that being said, let me be fair. It takes a lot to be ON all the time. I definitely do not envy what Khloe is going through with Lamar. Even though she’s asked for privacy when it’s needed, there’s cameras and paparazzi all over them. I also give Rob a ton of credit for saying enough is enough when he needed to be out of the limelight and get himself sorted. However, they signed on for all of this. Maybe not the paps and fleas like Harvey from TMZ invading their privacy, but no celebrity signs on for that. Other celebrities also don’t alert the media every time they go to the bathroom.

If you’ve noticed, I am trying to conveniently leave the Jenner girls out of this. I know that’s who Rebel Wilson was essentially talking about in the first place, but I think they get lumped in with the others and it kind of isn’t fair. In my opinion, they aren’t trying to ride on the Kardashian name to further their careers. Or at least Kendall isn’t. Kendall is doing her own thang. And why shouldn’t she? She’s young and gorgeous therefore she’s got 2-5 years before she has to worry.

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Kylie, well, hopefully she marries rich.

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What do you think? Do you think the Kardashians work hard or hardly work? Or am I just being an ignorant, bitter hatter? (like usual)

Let’s discuss!

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the real silent killer

It’s officially a week until the Silent Auction! I’m not excited so much as I am entering full panic mode. The snow from the blizzard that sort of never happened is not helping. I was able to snag a snow day today because we all thought the snow was going to be a lot worse, but now I’m a day behind. It’s driving me up a wall. I wish I had a remote to fast forward to about 7pm, February 5th. By that time, I’ll be exhausted but the nightmare will be over.

Anyway, the point of this is that, like I did last year, I donated some photographs to the auction. Also like last year, I thought I’d share them here. Some aren’t new to the blog so you’ve probably seen them before, but humor me and act surprised (please?).

I hope they go over well like they did last year. I could really use the ego boost! I’ll definitely keep you updated.

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That’s what friends are for

I’ve been having a pretty shitty day at work today (or everyday) so I was complaining listing all of my problems to Nicole. Because my problems are much more important than teaching the children of America (or New York, in Nicole’s case). Anyway, a while later, as I still wallowed in self pity, I got a text with this picture in it:

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That’s what friends are for. Minions and help with hiding the bodies.

Hope your day is going well!

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