weekend update: oldest bridesmaid, reporting for duty.

Helloooo! It’s Tuesday, which means I’m finally getting around to writing my weekend update post. I have no excuse as to why it was late again except that I’m old and needed to recover.

I had off on Thursday because of Rosh Hashana (sidenote: september is officially my new favorite month. i get off for labor day and two Jewish holidays, so long as they fall on a weekday. amazing.) so I took that opportunity to get my nails done for my cousin’s wedding on Saturday. I’ll just consider that the start of wedding weekend.

Friday I went back to work and the day dragged unbelievably. Like last week, I can’t remember what happened Friday night. I had tentative plans with Lisa and Jessica but we decided to reschedule, so I assume it was spent on the couch.

Saturday was the big day. I was up bright and early to go with Desiree to get our hair and makeup done and then head over to my aunt’s house for pictures. Honestly, this is my favorite part of weddings. Walking into a salon looking like what the cat dragged in and walking out looking like the cat’s pajamas.


After we were painted and pinned, we headed off to Queens to get dressed and take pictures with the bride and her other bridesmaids. There was also talk of bagels and mimosas and we all know how I feel about both of those things.


The rest of the girls got to the house and we were finally ready to get dressed and take some pictures. Let me tell you, I can’t wait to look at every single picture from that day. The photographer(s) were amazing.

Speaking of amazing, look at my cousin.


I guess that I should explain that Jill is very plain Jane. We joke that her favorite color is beige. She’s not into frills and frou-frou. Doesn’t gravitate towards bling. A little weird, if you ask me. When she walked out I was floored. Maybe I’m biased (I’m not), but isn’t she stunning?

We took about 86386 more pictures and then we piled into the limo and were on our way to the venue.

Speaking of pictures, I have to note, because this is a big deal for me, this is the first time that I’ve been to a big event and 90% of the pictures I took were on my phone. I had my mom bring my little point and shoot camera so that she could take some pictures of the ceremony and so that I had it for the reception but it died right after we were announced. So, not ideal, but thankfully, it’s 2017 and phone cameras don’t (totally) suck.

At the venue, we took even more pictures (I was in my glory, don’t let me fool you) and then the bride and groom did their first look. I used to think it was cheesy, but I’ve warmed up to it. Except then I think of when Will and Kate got married and Harry snuck a peek at Kate walking down the aisle, and he said to Will, “wait till you see her”, and I kind of love that even more.



ugh. amirite?

Finally, FINALLY it was time for these two crazy kids to tie the knot.


My mother didn’t do the best job at documenting so this is all I’m working with.

I don’t have to tell you what happens after the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, right? EVERYBODY GETS TO EAT. GOD BLESS.

We ate, we drank (boy, did we draank) and we danced like maniacs. There was a particularly rousing rendition of “I Want It That Way” that is still giving me life. There was a Disney montage, that caused me to scream across the room at the bride that this was the best wedding ever!

I’m a real gem.

Oh yea, and I caught the bouquet.

(no pictures, yet. i’ll have to troll facebook)

This is going to be some wedding video.

I’ll end it here and leave you with a few more pictures of me and my favorite nutjobs.


Sunday I came home, took my hair down, a nap and many Advil. And this my friends, is how the oldest bridesmaid ends her wedding weekend.


that time i officiated my best friend’s wedding

In my last post I mentioned the promise I made to myself at the beginning of the year to start saying yes to things that I might normally shy away from. One of these things, and a big one, might I add, was officiating at my friend Jessica’s wedding.

Jessica and I have been friends since I threw up on her lunch in kindergarten. I offered her half of my sandwich as a peace offering and a friendship was born. We spoke about me officiating over dinner one night with our moms. Everyone thought it was a great idea since I’m a good writer and I don’t cry. I wasn’t sold on the idea because, honestly, it was a lot of pressure. After a few months of mulling it over, I finally accepted the task when Jessica called me and said “Do you want to marry us or not? It’s OK if you don’t, just let me know so I could find someone else.” Marlon Brando should take note- now that’s an offer you can’t refuse.

After lollygagging for another few weeks, I went online and got ordained. The process was so simple – almost too simple and since Jess and her fiance, Chris weren’t getting married in any of the 5 boroughs of NYC, I was good to go with just being ordained. (note: each state is different. in some states, the officiant needs to be registered. if you are performing a ceremony, check with your city clerk’s office beforehand to make sure you’re good to go.) 

Finally, after what felt like forever, July 1st had rolled around. The ceremony was supposed to be outside, but with tornado warnings were popping up on everyone’s phones and the skies opening not 15 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start, the festivities were moved indoors. This did not bode well with the bride and after seeing her so upset, my usual unwavering ability to keep it together was fading fast. I was worried that if I started to cry, I wouldn’t be able to stop, therefore ruining both my street cred and my ceremony. I thought I’d be shaking with nerves, but walking down the aisle and standing in place behind the microphone, I was oddly calm. The ceremony took what felt like no time and before I knew it I was walking back down the aisle. Like a boss.


The rest of this post will be a photo dump, as God intended it to be.

hair collage

The bride and 3/8ths of her bridesmaids. I was running around on self proclaimed documenting duty.

getting ready

hair and makeup done by the Glam Squad, or as I call them, the Dream Team, Joe and Jody of Concept Elite in Brooklyn.



The photographer hasn’t given his pictures to Jessica yet, but as soon as he does and I can steal them, I’ll share them here. Or on Instagram. They’ll be somewhere, that’s for sure.


NOLA in a nutshell: the finale!

The third (and final!) part of this recap series is going to be all about what I wish I would have done and some other photos that I wanted to share but didn’t have a place for.

Part one was all about food and part two was all about activities. Catch up first!


Ride the St. Charles trolley through the Garden District – I was hellbent on getting to see the huge houses in the Garden District. After the swamp tour, we had a little while before dinner so my mom and I decided to Uber over to the Garden District. Our driver was so nice and chatty. She recommended that we take the trolley from the start to the end and then at the end, we would find the big houses. It’s a nice ride and the trolley is cheap. It’s like $1.25 a ride. take a hint, MTA. We didn’t have time for that so we just picked a block, got out and walked around. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see Sandra Bullock’s (or any NOLA celebrity) house and that I didn’t get to see the house covered in Mardi Gras beads but, there’s always next time.


Have a drink at the Carousel bar – I heard about this bar through one of those links on Facebook. “10 coolest bars to get shitfaced in the US”, or whatever. The bar itself rotates, like a carousel. We passed it in the Uber, on the way to the Garden District. It was in the nice part of town and much more my speed. Not that I need some fancy-schmancy bar to get drunk in, but Bourbon Street is a mess. And I say that in the most loving way possible.

Get read by Otis at Bottom of the Cup – I know I mentioned him before but I really think Otis is legit. He was featured on The Little Couple when Bill and Jen first went to New Orleans. He predicted kids and all of that. Time passed, they adopted Will and Zoey, and then went back to see Otis the next time they were in NOLA. Everything he told them came to be. So, #realdeal.

Experience a real New Orleans wedding parade – I found out on the walking tour that you are allowed to hop on to the back of a wedding parade, but not a funeral one. For obvious reasons. I would have loved to see either of them, but right place, wrong time.

New Orleans is a very spiritual city. I believe there’s ghosts all over the place down there. The city had its fair share of tragedies in its history so it’s not so far off that people would hang around. Before we got our tarot read, my aunt asked the reader if she knew of any mediums. The reader said that she was one, but she couldn’t open the door to spirits when she was near Jackson Sqaure because there are too many souls around and they all try to come across. She explained that she can’t even go into the square because she gets anxiety attacks. She told us that back in the day, the gallows stood where the statue of Andrew Jackson is now and she feels that the souls of the family members who watched their loved ones die come to her because she that’s how she feels, like she’s watching a loved one die/be killed. I, of course, was fascinated by this but I kind of filed it under a cool story and moved on.

When I got home and started to look at the pictures on the computer, I noticed an orb on the Andrew Jackson statue. I posted this already on Instagram, so if you’ve seen it already, move along.


See the red circle on the back of the horse? Maybe it’s a sun spot, maybe it’s a convicted felon of yesteryear. I’m going with felon and don’t tell me different.

My friend Nicole asked me to find the mansion from American Horror Story. Delphine LaLaurie’s manison, to be exact. Look her up. bitch was crazy. One of the legends around town about her was that she would have these lavish parties and right in the middle, she would leave and come back with a whole new outfit on. Her guests assumed that she was just trying to show off her wealth or whatever but the truth was that she got an itch to kill/maim someone so she went to her basement or the attic, did the deed and then changed out of the bloody garments. A fire burned the house down and exposed Delphine’s secret. i told you, she was crazy. I’m not sure what happened after that, but fast foward to today and the house is privately owned by, in my opinion, a very brave soul.

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The other legend is that Nicholas Cage owned her mansion but lost it to tax evasion. He owned another house in NOLA and lost it the same way. He also has a crypt in St. Louis Cemetery, but it’s highly doubted that he’ll be buried there because he hasn’t been back to New Orleans. Apparently, the celebrities who live there are seen there. Like, at the local grocery store and stuff.

My final thoughts on New Orleans: It is a beautiful, old, history rich city. Although it is 2016, I was almost surprised to see people in normal clothes and not 1800’s garb. It just has a very old feeling to it, which I love. It’s got charm. It also needs a shower. I was warned of the filthiness of NOLA but I really didn’t believe it. To clarify, the streets are clean. It’s not a garbage-ridden dump. Sure, the streets could be fixed and the buildings could use a power wash and a paint job, but it’s no dump. It’s just that I’ve never in my life have seen so many homeless people. No judgement, just an observation. Just like my mom and my aunt observed a cop discovering a dead man on St. Ann Street. I mean, yea. I’m from New York, homeless people are nothing new; this is just different. There was no shortage of art and music in New Orleans, the Quarter, especially. It gave the city life.

And that’s about it! I hope you have enjoyed New Orleans as much as I did!


weekend wrap up: the one with the wedding

Let’s pretend it isn’t Tuesday (as I write this) so this weekend wrap up came in a timely manner. I know, I suck. In my defense though, I had a busy weekend and then last night I was getting ready to write this post when I found out a spam bot was all up in my site stats so I wanted to address that first, like the excellent blog mom that I am. In doing so, I royally screwed up everything and was left with a non-usable site for a few hours. So, after paying over $100 to back everything up, and then finding out I never had to mess with any kind of behind the scenes files (because God forbid I ask my web host’s excellent customer service a question), here I am. Ready? OK.

Friday was the start of wedding weekend. Not mine – you guys will definitely know when my day comes, if my 150 year old finger are still able to type. Lisa’s cousin got married and I was part of the bridal party. This was the first wedding I’ve been in since I was 7 so it was a big deal.


Don’t let that fake smile fool you. I was so sick that day, which of course meant I was the biggest bitch brat in Brooklyn. That, and I must have been channeling my inner Julia Sugarbaker with those shoulder pads. Actually, looking back, I kind of like that dress. I remember the bride wanted us to wear mini-replicas of her dress. Thank God someone talked her out of that. It was 1994, the amount of satin and sequins involved would have smothered me.

Anyway, Friday was the rehearsal. I don’t have any many pictures from that night except one of my outfit. I mean, why get out of sweats if you aren’t going to take pictures of it?


There’s something about wearing a pleather skirt and boots. You don’t know whether to cast a spell or kick someone in the teeth. Basically, I was feeling pretty badass.

Also on Friday’s agenda was getting my nails done. My usual nail place recently closed so I’ve been on the hunt for a new one. My cousin told me about a place that she goes to near her house that is massage happy, especially with the pedicures. SOLD. My mom doesn’t call me a massage whore for nothing. I went and got my toes rubbed and painted and then had them do a gel manicure on my nails. I’m obsessed with gel manicures now. I got all silver sparkles and my nails are still smooth and shiny and just delightful. And who doesn’t love a manicure that doesn’t require drying time? Crazy people, that’s who.

After the rehearsal at the church, we all grabbed something to eat and went home. Speaking for myself, I got into bed and watched Youtube videos until I fell asleep. my life is so cosmopolitan, if i wasn’t already me, i’d be jealous.

Saturday morning I had a hair appointment followed by a makeup appointment at a different salon. In between, I scarfed down breakfast and tried to get in the wedding game. Was it right foot first? How many pews do I wait before I start to walk down the aisle? What if I trip? Is my camera charged?

So, before I add some pictures of the day, I have to add that at this wedding, I was not the sick one. That title goes to Lisa. She found herself in the emergency room that morning and was unable to attend. She’s doing better now *knocks wood*. Don’t worry, Lee (if you’re reading), I had two of everything – one for me and one for you. Except Fireball shots because they didn’t have any.

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Really. Anyway. Here are some scenes from Saturday.

Cheers to the happy couple! I had a great time. Thank you for including me in your special day.

Also, I’ve decided that the only way I’ll go to a wedding ever again is if I’m in the bridal party. Special treatment all day for the WIN.

The rest of the weekend was spent relaxing switching back and forth from the Perfect video and the Hello video, if we’re being honest. Speaking of Hello, the queen is definitely back, amirite?

What did you do this weekend?

Let’s discuss!


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