paying my civic dues

I have a running joke with my mom that I am a poor representation of an adult. I mean, I have a job (or two), I have credit cards that I pay the bills on once a month, I watch the news fairly regularly, I had to Google what ICYMI meant the other day, I can drive and I don’t have a curfew. Other than that, basically, I’m a child. I don’t do my own laundry (thanks, Mom!), I’m not in any kind of relationship, I’m not 100% happy in either of my jobs (which probably falls into the adult category), and (among other things) still (kind of) expect my mom to call and make any and all appointments for me. However, in the eyes of the City of New York, I am a full, bonafide adult which they reward by summoning me to JURY DUTY.


So, without much of a choice, I pulled up my big girl pants, and on my day off I trudged off to pay my civic dues.

Did I mention it started to pour as soon as I got off the bus? And that I had no umbrella? Yea. So, there’s that.

Anyway, as we all know, jury duty is a lot of sitting and waiting. And if you’re me, reading and avoiding eye contact. Basically, I had lots of thoughts and lots of time to think them. And lucky for you, I wrote a number of them down on a receipt that I had floating around in my bag! (I filled in a good number of them because no reciept that would be found in a bag of mine is this long.)

ugh. jury duty on my day off? come on!

should i bring my charger? they keep stressing the NO PHONES policy.

who am i kidding?

*decides not to bring charger*

hey! doesn’t [7th grade crush] work in the courts?

*checks facebook*

he sure does! yes!

*sets alarm 20 minutes earlier to pull myself together, you know, just in case*

are you going to jury duty or da cluuub? cool it with the smokey eye!

eh, whatever. *adds more eyeshadow* *blends furiously*


*bus arrives at stop, gets off bus*

oh, wonderful. IT’S POURING.

of course, i’m summoned to the courthouse that’s furthest away from civilization

i hope [7th-grade crush] goes for the “wet rat” look

my mascara is definitely halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge by now.. run for your life!

*goes through security, finds jury room*

why does this lady keep talking about getting called into a courtroom? is this definite? please God, not another day of this.

how did this chick get wi-fi? did i miss a sign? i wonder if she’ll give me the password

should i ask? umm.. i’ll stick to reading my book, thanks.

maybe i should have brought my charger

i should have packed a backpack with activities. because i’m a mature adult. 

(almost) 30 going on 3. my parents must be so proud

oh, you’re allowed food in here? i wish i had known that before i  turned into a boa constrictor and unhinged my jaw to scoff down that bagel this morning while i waited to get into the courthouse.

if i lie down, will these people judge me? do i really care?

*gets excused for lunch*

shake shack – here i come!

*hoofs it to shake shack*


*anxiety about coming back late sinks in*

maybe next time, shake shack

ok, burger king it is!

oh! there’s a starbucks right across the street! unicorn frappe anybody?

no, martina. no unicorn frappes.

*5 sips in to my not too basic vanilla bean frappe* meh. over it *tosses the rest in the trash on the way back into the courthouse*

ok, [7th grade crush], last shot.

seriously, if i lay down right here, is that so bad?

please let this be over soon.

oh, they’re calling names please not me. PLEASE NOT ME.

woof. dodged that bullet.

it’s 3:30, they’ve called 15 people. this is the home stretch

maybe if i put one leg up on the seat, and then the other, and slide down a bit…

nope, not comfortable.

i don’t know how much more i can take


Currently, I’m…

I think, since I haven’t really done one in a while, I’m going to fill you guys in with a Currently post. I know you’ve been absolutely dying to know what’s going on in my mundane life.

Reading: Well, actually, I just finished it but, Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy. I really enjoyed this book. I don’t normally read YA fiction. Unless it’s really good or really (really) hyped. Not that my preferred reading of chick-lit is so high brow but, I digress. Dumplin’ is actually Willowdean Dickson. She’s a sassy, smart, self- proclaimed fat girl. She’s from a small town in Texas, where her mother is a former pageant queen who now runs that same pageant. Long story short, in a moment of defiance, Willowdean and her band of merry misfits enter the pageant. Chaos ensues. There’s a love triangle, which I, surprisingly, really liked. Probably for the same reason that I like the story of Hairspray – the cute guy is attracted to the fat girl. Anyway, bottom line is, I totally recommend this one. And, I hear that there’s a second installment coming in 2018!



click here to check it out on Goodreads!


Listening to: I’m not really into podcasts but, like YA fiction, I’m willing to make exceptions. I’m still a big fan of the What Say You podcast from Sal and Q of Impractical Jokers. They haven’t posted in literally forever, but I’m holding out hope that when they come back from their UK tour, they’re ready to record. The other podcast I’m into is the Boys Don’t Like Funny Girls from my blogging bestie, Libby. Love The Bachelor and pop culture (amongst a million other things)? this pod is for you! She’s funny and smart and full of snark. Thank me later.

Thinking about: Speaking of podcasts, I’ve been thinking of starting my own. I have the name and everything. Then I think about my voice and that idea gets put to bed. Also, I’ve had this blog for just over 3 years and I still can’t get myself on a regular schedule so I can’t imagine being consistent with podcasting (podding? casting? whatever.) What could I possibly talk about? I’d have to arrange a co-host every week. Then there’s the question about microphones and software and all of that noise. ugh, work.

giphy (3)

Still thinking about: I toyed around with possibly not bringing this up, but, meh. My blog, my rules. I really wish Meryl Streep didn’t make a political speech at the Golden Globes. Now, here me out. I know that politics are part in parcel to pop culture/current events and that’s how these award shows stay current or whatever. It’s a shared experience that connects us, the non-famous to the stars. I get it. I’m all for freedom of speech and I’m ALL FOR Meryl. I probably have mentioned it before, but I have a deal with my mom that if Meryl ever showed any interest in adopting me, I’m going. That being said, when Viola Davis (who looked amazing in that yellow gown) was introducing her and getting ready to hand her the Nelson Demille Lifetime Achievement Award and they played the montage of performances that made up mama Meryl’s illustrious career, I got a little ferklempt, to be honest. Finally, Viola Davis invites mom up to the stage and I’m so happy for her and I’m waiting to hear about how she loves what she does and she does it for the fans, etc. But, obviously, that’s not what happened. To sum up this ramble, I think what upsets me most is the backlash. My Facebook feed has turned into a Meryl Streep witchhunt. Speaking of, my feed has gotten so filled with vitriol from both sides that it’s really distracting and disheartening and pretty disgusting. Anyway, I just wish there was some sort of unwritten rule that at award shows, we stay on the topic at hand, which would be honoring the movies, music and/or television shows and the people who made them. Also, never let Jimmy Fallon host any award show again. #BringBackTinaAndAmy

giphy (2)


Worrying about: The heat at my first job has not been working for the last 3ish days. Tuesday was brutal. I sat in my coat all day, which thought of makes my skin crawl, and I was still frozen.(sidenote: i think this is illegal that my boss didn’t close the building and if it is, just let the record show that when the AC inevitably breaks in the middle of a heatwave and it’s 90 degrees outside and about 105 inside, she doesn’t close then either. #justsaying) Yesterday wasn’t too bad, but I also wore layers, which I never do since I’m usually warm. With that shock to the system and the weather being crazy (it’s supposed to be in the 60’s today. In JANUARY. IN NEW YORK. not that i’m complaining, though) and with both my roommates parents just getting over colds, I’m afraid I’m going to get kicked in the ass with a monster cold. And the fact that I haven’t gotten a flu shot yet is dancing in the back of my mind.

What have you been up to lately?

Let’s discuss!



it’s a lot to take in

I’m the type of person who copes with things by trying to move past them as quickly as possible, yet wind up usually obsessing/overthinking the situation. Then I get annoyed and overwhelmed and can’t stand thinking/talking/ hearing about whatever it is. Then I get riled up again and they cycle continues.

Right now I’m in the annoyed and overwhelmed stage of the election. I’m not going to talk much about it because I physically and mentally can’t. I just don’t want to. I’m disappointed in the people who voted for Trump for the sole reason that”he isn’t Hillary”. I’m disappointed in the people who didn’t vote. I’m disappointed in the Trump supporters who won’t stop berating and belittling anyone who doesn’t agree with them. I’m just disappointed in the whole situation. On both sides. It’s a lot to take in. It’s a lot to handle.

My mom compared this win to when the Mets win a game or two, especially against the Yankees. This might not mean much to a non-New Yorker but believe me, it’s the perfect analogy. Yankee fans get a bad rep. They’re pompous, they’re mean, they’re arrogant. This (not pompous, not mean, not arrogant) Yankee fan can tell you, the first time or two,you brush it off but after that, it’s hard to hear what a piece of shit you are and how you need to suck up your loss. Like we’re not allowed to be sad for our team, but yours got lucky once and no one will hear the end of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are people who are happy with the outcome. That’s fine. Celebrate! Feel good! But don’t make me feel bad for feeling bad. And don’t tell me to “shut up and get over it”. Don’t be ugly, the world is ugly enough.

I think I’ve gotten off course. My point is, it’s been a looooooong election season. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD:


My heart just can’t take it.




wanna go for cawfee?

I was going to do a regular “I’m alive, just lazy” posts but then I saw a coffee date post and I figured that would be more fun than just me saying how busy I am except we all know that’s a lie.

So, wanna go for cawfee?

If we went for coffee, I’d need you to leave judgment at the door. I mean, if we hang out in general, you shouldn’t bring it with you either, but more so if we’re doing coffee because I hate small talk so if something is bothering me, I’m jumping right in. Because of this, I need to know that I can say what I need to say and you’ll answer/give me advice and then we’ll move on. You won’t go home and call all your friends and tell them that I’ve lost my mind.

That being said, if we went for coffee, I’d tell you that I was disappointed in the Impractical Jokers Nitro Circus Live Finale. I’d also say that I really like that show and how I’m already counting down to February when it comes back for season 6. I’d also tell you about my big, stupid, multiple heart eye emoji crush on Sal, i mean if you haven’t guessed from reading my last few posts. And how I’m still not totally over not meeting him at the comedy show last month. See why I need you to leave your judgment at the door?

I’d complain that this is why I’m single, forgetting momentarily that I’m not alone in that boat. I’d whine that all I want right now is someone to get excited over and for that person to get excited over me. Then I’d probably get self-conscience and change the subject.

We’d figure out what TV shows we have in common and then dissect them. Like, what the heck is going on with The Mindy Project? Did Danny even really exist? Where did he go? And how good is This Is Us? I know, amazing.

I’d ask if it was just me or is the Christmas push a little ridiculous this year? Hallmark started their all-Christmas movies, all the time before Halloween, Sirius already turned the Love station to Holly, the (sad) commercials are coming back. Did I miss something? I love Christmas, but pretty soon we’ll be decking the halls in August, if not sooner.

Speaking of Christmas, the holiday section at Target has the prettiest/cutest wrapping paper. I’d tell you how I want to buy all of it but in actuality, I’m probably getting everyone on my list gift cards.

I’d tell you how obsessed I am with this song.

I’d tell you how I can’t wait until Bruno Mars’ album comes out on November 18th.

I’d tell you how I’ve been feeling uninspired and blah lately. Blog wise and in general. I’d shrug my shoulders and tell you I’ll get through it because I will.

I’d probably have something to say about one or both of my jobs. Because that’s what you do with friends over coffee so, when in Rome.

I’d tell you I’m in the market for a new winter coat but am in denial that it will ever get cold enough for me to wear one. I’d also tell you that I need to go clothes shopping in the worst way. i need clothes, stat.

We’d talk about how Facebook has become a flaming heap of shit because of this mockery of an election. I cannot wait until it’s over on Tuesday. Then the fun starts with the finger pointing and the “told you so’s” from both sides. because that’s always fun.

You would probably tell me to get a grip.

Thanks for the cawfee tawk!



single gal speaks: feeling down

Hi friends! Long time no speak. That’s what I get for tooting my own horn about posting three times in one week. I’m here today with a post that’s been a long time coming (long time= about a week). I just didn’t know how to start it, what to say in it or what direction to go in. I’m still a little unsure, which is why I’m going to write it and post it, even if it’s still the weekend and I don’t like to post on the weekend. I’m not one to show my vulnerable side, on the internet or in real life, but here we are.

Remember how in on of my recent posts I talked about the universe sending me signs and then not following up on them? Particularly about my love life? Yea, well it’s been really getting to me lately. Like, really dragging me down.


not now, harry

Sometimes I feel like finding love is just not in my cards. I mean, I guess every single 29-year-old girl who has been to weddings of two of her oldest friends exactly two months apart from each other, one of which she officiated, and who is gearing up for her younger cousin’s wedding next year feels this way, right? Naturally. I just feel like no matter what I do I come up empty. I know they say that it will come when I least expect it. Let me say right now, my expectations are so low I should be beating the boys off with a stick. The reality is, I’d probably have to change my name to something like Football to get a guy to even look my way.

I’m not even being dramatic.

Ok, maybe a little.(not really). But I know my reality. I know what I bring to the table and I’m still sitting alone. Normally I’m OK with it; I enjoy sitting alone, but lately it’s getting old when I see my table full of nice things, yet have no one to share them with. Or worse,to be at a table for one in a room full of tables for two.


I was talking about this with my cousin recently and she said to me, “you know, everybody says how hard guys are to understand. They aren’t. If they’re interested, they’ll go for it. If they aren’t, they won’t. Simple as that.” OK, but what you’re telling me is that no guy has been interested in me enough to make a move. I know she didn’t mean it this way, but, in my sad, irrational at the moment brain, that’s how I’m taking it.

I just don’t get it. I’m not saying I’m perfect (faaaar from it) but I know my good points and I don’t understand why I can’t get anyone to care enough to want to get to know them too. I have my hang-ups, like everyone else. My biggest one is probably my body. That’s a whole post that will probably never get written. Case in point – I changed my profile picture on Facebook on Friday. Currently, it is one of my most liked photos on Facebook, sitting pretty at 30 likes, 2 loves and about 5 comments. All of those likes, loves and comments were from women except for two. One was from my very gay (and faaaabuloussss!) makeup artist friend and the other was from a very married man. So, either most of the men on my Facebook are secretly smitten with me and are too shy to hit the like or comment button, or all of the women who liked it are just blowing hot air up my skirt. Again, I know my head is not in the right, rational place lately but still.

I’m casually using a dating website. I go on, check my messages, look through my matches, maybe send out a “trying not to be a creep but totally coming off as one because flirting is hard for me” kind of message, and then signing off. And yes, I do make the first move on these sites. Why? Because if I didn’t all I’d get are messages from guys that I’m not at all interested in. Is it so much to ask that if you message me, your profile is filled out with some sort of thought behind it? Maybe has correct spelling and grammar? i know, i’m a monster.

I know in order to meet people you have to put yourself out there but I feel like, although I’m not a hermit, the bar scene is not my scene. I want to join in on things that I’m interested in but I feel like I have no time. Yet in actuality, I’m sure I can find the time. I’m also extremely shy when I’m around new people so that’s a problem. Especially since I’d want to fly solo and not drag a friend along. My friends are supportive in what I like to do but they aren’t passionate in my passions the way I am. does this even make sense? shoot me.

I don’t know where this post is going because I have so much more to say but I don’t know how to articulate it because it’s getting late (#weekendjobproblems) I’m getting kind embarrassed so I’ll end it here. Sorry for the Debbie Downer post. Thanks to those who stuck it out. I’m sure I’ll be back to my normal self soon enough. I’ve already got my eye on some surveys that I’d like to fill out. See? I’m already on the rebound.

I know I’m not the only one to feel this way. How do you get over/through it?

Thanks again (so much!)

signature - script

love always wins

Even though I start posts like this the same way, every time – I wasn’t going to comment on the shooting in Orlando. Not because I don’t care or I don’t want it on my blog; I just couldn’t formulate words about it. A few days passed and news reports came in and now all I can do is think about it. I decided it’s better to get my thoughts out of my brain because I’ll go crazy if I don’t.

  • They say it’s best to “not live in fear” and to carry on as best as possible. I agree with that, to a certain extent. Except for some reason this time feels different. This time I’m terrified. I’ve always been a bit neurotic (…you don’t say) and until whatever was bothering me was over, there was always a feeling of “uh oh” in the back of my head. I never let it consume me and force me to not do something and I feel lucky that I am able to ignore it enough to carry on. This time is different because for some reason, it feels so close to home. Maybe because when the victims left their homes that night, all they wanted to do was have a good time. To live life. Maybe it was hearing the story of Eddie, who sent his mom texts from the bathroom that he was going to die. I can’t imagine, nor do I want to, sending my mom a text telling her that this is it; that I don’t think I’m making it out alive.
  • Facebook can scream and talk in circles about having/not having gun control and the government all it wants. All I’m going to say is this: Someone with no military background should not have access to MILITARY GRADE automatic rifles. I don’t care how many permits they have, what they do for a living, how much money they paid, that they promised their firstborn child. There is no reason for it. ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING REASON. Also, the second amendment was put into place to for landowners to protect their land against an attack, more specifically, if their slaves tried to start a revolt. It was a different time. Listen, I’m OK with people who know how to operate a gun, carrying a gun. I’m not 100% comfortable, but I won’t make an issue out of it. I know a lot of cops, retired and current, who carry their guns. The thing is that they also carry their permits, shields, whatever else they need that proves they are allowed to carry that gun. And none of them are strapping a rifle or semi-automatic anything to their back.


  • I know I say it all the time, but it’s something I truly can’t understand. I was taught that you treat people with kindness and respect. You are not better than anyone else. You won’t agree with everyone’s thoughts and ideas and that’s fine but the same way they (should) allow you to think and feel and believe what you do, you should give them the same. I don’t understand how this is such a hard concept to grasp. Especially since once it was “OK” to hurt/ disrespect/ostracize people who are different, it hasn’t stopped. It’s so fucking tiring.
  • My heart goes out to the families/loved ones of the victims. I can’t even imagine what they’re going through right now. I can’t even think about the pain.
  • Have the bad guys never read a fairytale? Never tuned into one episode of One Upon a Time? Evil never wins. Hate never wins. Love conquers all. Good always triumphs. LOVE ALWAYS WINS.

On a happier note, and not really but sort of related, can we talk about the Tony’s? How perfect was James Corden? If he wasn’t already married…



thoughts from a youtube addict

Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of making Youtube videos. By toying, I mean that I’ve thought about it, remembered that I hate how my voice sounds on camera, realized I’d have to edit the videos, and then ultimately decided against it. Added to that is the fact that I’m not a consistent blogger so I probably wouldn’t be a consistent vlogger and my life is so painfully boring I wouldn’t want to watch it – it’s bad enough that I have to live it.

All of this being said, there are people who do actually keep up with making videos, boring life and all. I’ll admit, I looove watching them. I have made them a part of my nightly routine. Sometimes I’ll watch them while I paint my nails or I’ll have them on in the background while I do my online (window) shopping. I usually stick to vlogs and makeup videos with a sprinkling of planner and book ones in between.

It’s been a while since I’ve started to watch YouTube regularly so, of course, I have commentary about most of them.

Things I Say To Myself While Watching YouTube Videos

  • oohhh a drugstore haul! what’s new at Ulta?
  • $16.99 for drugstore foundation? who am i, rockefeller? it’s definitely not worth it.
  • but her skin looks perfect. maybe it is worth it.
  • how does she get her skin so flawless?
  • let me search for her foundation routine.
  • ok, here we go. the secret to perfect looking skin.
  • of course, a beauty blender.
  • i’m not spending over $20 ON A SPONGE.
  • what (makeup product) is she wearing?
  • let me check the info box
  • how do i have loads of makeup, most of it recommended by these ladies and yet, i have nothing i need for this tutorial?
  • hmmm.. (brand) came out with new stuff. let’s check it out.
  • how can i get these companies to send me all of their new products for free?
  • omg that lipstick. i NEED it.
  • but it looks so similar to the 10 other red lipsticks that i already have.
  • nope, still need it.
  • seriously, how do they get this stuff FOR FREE?
  • that highlighter is gorgeous!
  • i don’t know how to use highlighter
  • let me see if she’s got a highlight/contour tutorial.
  • i could totally do this.giphy (33)
  • this looks very involved.
  • forget it. just like winged eyeliner, this isn’t going to happen.
  • let’s look up how kim kardashian (k)ontours.
  • how does she wear that much makeup?
  • does she even have a face under all of that?
  • i prefer a fresher face anyway.
  • vlog time!
  • how do they not leave the house?
  • oh. right. i didn’t leave the house yesterday at.all. #judgementfreezone
  • maybe i should vlog.
  • your voice is annoying, martina.
  • and your accent scares small children.giphy (34)
  • ooohh.. a target run! yessss
  • my dollar spot isn’t that big
  • i have to go to target.
  • my target is so disappointing.
  • maybe i’ll go tomorrow.
  • your kids are cute, but i don’t need to watch them play for 10 minutes in a 17 minute vlog.
  • seems like bath and body works had a sale.
  • am i the only person in the world who has a serious aversion to sweet smells?

giphy (35)

  • on the real, what’s up with all the candy/vanilla/ fruit scents?
  • why does everyone want to smell like a carnival?
  • idk. call me crazy but it seems like everything in bath and body smells the same.
  • i need reading suggestions
  • a book haul? don’t mind if i do.
  • i wish i had room for that many books.
  • i’d be like belle, riding a ladder at the book shop.

giphy (36)

  • little town, it’s a quiet village…
  • if you have the book on your kindle, your nook and a hard covered copy why do you need it in soft cover?
  • like your two copies of titanic and the little mermaid on dvd? right, martina. #judgementfreezone.
  • oh. that was the last new video in my subscription box?
  • refresh
  • maybe i’ll go and blog now.

I’ll leave links to the people I watch regularly, if you want to check them out!

Samantha Schuerman and her daily vlogs
Melissa and her daily vlogs
Fellow blogger, Jessie
Marie’s weekly bits

Who do you like to watch?

Let’s discuss!


a single gal speaks: thoughts from a bridal expo

I went to my first bridal expo tonight. I’m so single my middle name might as well be Kraft, but that won’t stop be from being a supportive bridesmaid.

Here’s a decent sized list of what was going through my head as we walked through the expo.

  • ohh trumpeters! I wonder if I could hire them to announce my every arrival. Google it later.
  • this place is gorgeous. what can i throw a party for? being single? yea right.
  • open bar! hallelujah!
  • where did she get that cheese plate?
  • i’m starving. where did everybody find cheese?
  • potato puff? don’t mind if I do.
  • ohmigod. what the heck is in these things? crack?
  • found the cheese!
  • oh, this is good cheese.
  • these crackers are quality.
  • moving on. let’s see what we could win.
  • a kitchen aid mixer? score! i wonder if i need to be a bride-to-be to qualify.
  • forget it. my mom has no counter space.
  • but the hot pink is gorgeous.
  • nah, i really don’t want to hear my mother.
  • oh God, i still live with my parents.
  • every woman in here is engaged. that’s weird. oh wait – bridal expo. right.
  • that woman’s ring is huge! and sparkly!
  • it would look great on my finger.
  • i wonder if i ever will have one on my finger.
  • get it together, martina
  • weight loss shakes!
  • ehh. one meal a day? i don’t know if i’m ready for all that.
  • thank goodness lisa is here. at least i have someone to take pictures with.
  • the pictures came out great!
  • i need one of these for my house.
  • maybe i could talk them into getting one at work.
  • i wonder if they have any of those potato puffs left.
  • they do! now hopefully she comes this way because i don’t want to lose my seat for the fashion show.
  • i need a recipe for these puffs. and the mini spring rolls while we’re at it.
  • show’s starting!
  • i hope the DJ is good.
  • the DJ is fantastic!
  • why do they always change the song in the middle of my jam?
  • i don’t care about today’s music! give me some 90’s dance tunes!
  • i don’t know how i feel about these dresses. is this a wedding or a quinceañera?
  • the bridesmaid options are nice.
  • that’s me – always the bridesmaid, never the…
  • don’t go there. it will happen. of course it will. it has to. please, God.
  • maybe i’ll sign up for when i get home.
  • oh, cut it out. you’re lonely – not desperate.
  • ehh.. maybe a little desperate.
  • nope. definitely more lonely.
  • God, I sound bitter.
  • i’m not bitter, am i? nahh.
  • i wonder if the bar is still open. i could smell wine.
  • i don’t even like wine.
  • they’re bringing out the desserts.
  • why don’t they have these things for single girls? on second thought, no. i don’t think it would work.
  • lights are on. time to go.
  • i wonder if there are any cookies left.
  • forget it. i’m going home.


Two single gals at a bridal expo!

Two single gals at a bridal expo! #photoboothfun


And finally I thought I would include this song that I’ve been loving lately. It’s on topic because it’s a letter to her future husband. God love Meghan Trainor and her catchy tunes.


%d bloggers like this: