single gal speaks

single gal speaks: feeling down

Hi friends! Long time no speak. That’s what I get for tooting my own horn about posting three times in one week. I’m here today with a post that’s been a long time coming (long time= about a week). I just didn’t know how to start it, what to say in it or what direction to go in. I’m still a little unsure, which is why I’m going to write it and post it, even if it’s still the weekend and I don’t like to post on the weekend. I’m not one to show my vulnerable side, on the internet or in real life, but here we are.

Remember how in on of my recent posts I talked about the universe sending me signs and then not following up on them? Particularly about my love life? Yea, well it’s been really getting to me lately. Like, really dragging me down.

drag-me-down

not now, harry

Sometimes I feel like finding love is just not in my cards. I mean, I guess every single 29-year-old girl who has been to weddings of two of her oldest friends exactly two months apart from each other, one of which she officiated, and who is gearing up for her younger cousin’s wedding next year feels this way, right? Naturally. I just feel like no matter what I do I come up empty. I know they say that it will come when I least expect it. Let me say right now, my expectations are so low I should be beating the boys off with a stick. The reality is, I’d probably have to change my name to something like Football to get a guy to even look my way.

I’m not even being dramatic.

Ok, maybe a little.(not really). But I know my reality. I know what I bring to the table and I’m still sitting alone. Normally I’m OK with it; I enjoy sitting alone, but lately it’s getting old when I see my table full of nice things, yet have no one to share them with. Or worse,to be at a table for one in a room full of tables for two.

giphy

I was talking about this with my cousin recently and she said to me, “you know, everybody says how hard guys are to understand. They aren’t. If they’re interested, they’ll go for it. If they aren’t, they won’t. Simple as that.” OK, but what you’re telling me is that no guy has been interested in me enough to make a move. I know she didn’t mean it this way, but, in my sad, irrational at the moment brain, that’s how I’m taking it.

I just don’t get it. I’m not saying I’m perfect (faaaar from it) but I know my good points and I don’t understand why I can’t get anyone to care enough to want to get to know them too. I have my hang-ups, like everyone else. My biggest one is probably my body. That’s a whole post that will probably never get written. Case in point – I changed my profile picture on Facebook on Friday. Currently, it is one of my most liked photos on Facebook, sitting pretty at 30 likes, 2 loves and about 5 comments. All of those likes, loves and comments were from women except for two. One was from my very gay (and faaaabuloussss!) makeup artist friend and the other was from a very married man. So, either most of the men on my Facebook are secretly smitten with me and are too shy to hit the like or comment button, or all of the women who liked it are just blowing hot air up my skirt. Again, I know my head is not in the right, rational place lately but still.

I’m casually using a dating website. I go on, check my messages, look through my matches, maybe send out a “trying not to be a creep but totally coming off as one because flirting is hard for me” kind of message, and then signing off. And yes, I do make the first move on these sites. Why? Because if I didn’t all I’d get are messages from guys that I’m not at all interested in. Is it so much to ask that if you message me, your profile is filled out with some sort of thought behind it? Maybe has correct spelling and grammar? i know, i’m a monster.

I know in order to meet people you have to put yourself out there but I feel like, although I’m not a hermit, the bar scene is not my scene. I want to join in on things that I’m interested in but I feel like I have no time. Yet in actuality, I’m sure I can find the time. I’m also extremely shy when I’m around new people so that’s a problem. Especially since I’d want to fly solo and not drag a friend along. My friends are supportive in what I like to do but they aren’t passionate in my passions the way I am. does this even make sense? shoot me.

I don’t know where this post is going because I have so much more to say but I don’t know how to articulate it because it’s getting late (#weekendjobproblems) I’m getting kind embarrassed so I’ll end it here. Sorry for the Debbie Downer post. Thanks to those who stuck it out. I’m sure I’ll be back to my normal self soon enough. I’ve already got my eye on some surveys that I’d like to fill out. See? I’m already on the rebound.

I know I’m not the only one to feel this way. How do you get over/through it?

Thanks again (so much!)

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single gal speaks: adventures in speed dating

Gather round, friends. I got a story for ya.

Picture it- New York, 2012.

It was the Monday of Labor Day weekend when two single gals from Brooklyn decided to take matters of the heart in to their own hands and get out there and try something new.

As we should all know by now, Lisa likes to think of new adventures for us to go on. Sometimes I have a say in our activities and sometimes I just get a phone call that says “So, I bought these tickets”. This was one of those times.

Tickets? Getting tickets to something should be fun! Tickets mean Broadway shows or the movies or plane rides to exotic locations where you can sit poolside with a refreshing drink in your hand. But I digress.

These tickets were not for something fun. These tickets were for my worst nightmare. These tickets were for…

SPEED DATING.

To say I didn’t want to go was a gross understatement. But there I was, getting off the train at Penn Station, waiting for two of Lisa’s co-workers to meet us for a quick drink before we made our way to the torture chamber restaurant. By the time we got there, whatever was in that quick drink must have worked because I was feeling better about what was going on. I wasn’t 100% sold, but I didn’t feel the need to find a hole to fall into anymore.

Before I continue I feel the need to say this – I have/had nothing against speed dating. My feelings of apprehension were totally cause by my insecurities. Not to get too serious or psychological but, I was always seen as “the friend”. I was always nice enough or funny enough to hang out with but anything past that almost seemed like a joke. Basically, after years of being too shy to pursue anyone and after years of feeling like I shouldn’t pursue anyone because they probably wouldn’t be interested anyway, putting myself into a situation like this was a hard pill to swallow. I felt that since I’ve been written off for how I’ve looked before that it was just going to turn into a parade of NOs and I just couldn’t deal with that. I know I have a good personality and an excellent sense of humor and I can carry a conversation, but I also know that I can be very introverted and shy when I’m in a new situation, especially when I’m uncomfortable. I was letting all of my doubts and insecurities and pre-conceived notions get the best of me.

But again, I digress.

We walked in a were led to a long set of tables and were told to make ourselves comfortable on the booth side. The men were then escorted in and sat in the chairs across from each of us. I was seated between Lisa and one of her co-workers. I figured if all else failed, I’d pull one of them into my “date”. We were given pieces of paper to write down the names of our dates, make some notes and rate them on a scale of 1-10. 1 being “I never want to see this person again” and 10 being “what are you doing for the rest of your life?”. The bell rang and we were off.

I don’t remember all of my dates but when they were good, they were really, really good. And by good, I mean bad. Here are some highlights.

Me: So, where are you from?

Him: Guess.

Me: Um, OK. Want to give me a hint?

Him: I’m from the same place Obama’s father is from.

Me: -_- (i actually knew the answer but I didn’t want to look too eager)

Him: It’s in Africa.

Me: Zimbabwe?

Him: No, try again.

Me: Oh, um. Kenya? (told you i knew it)

Him: Yes!

Me: (to myself) Good because my knowledge of African countries was running out.

Him: So, what do you like to do for fun?

Me: (to myself) oh shit. lay on the couch? eat? plan my weddings to my celebrity husbands? oh, God.

Me: Well, I like to explore the city, read, be with family and friends, go to the movies, maybe see a Broadway show. Ummmm… I’ve recently gotten into photography…?

Him: Oh, so you’re boring?

Me: Um. Well, I guess so. *rates him a 1 on my evaluation sheet*

funny story, a few weeks after we went on this adventure, i was talking to someone that i was starting to have a nice size crush on. i was telling him this story and he started to laugh and asked me how i answered the question. i told him and he said “you’re not boring! that’s a hard question to answer and probably not the best to ask in that kind of situation.” then i promptly melted. he’s engaged now so… yea. digressing, yet again.

And now, my personal favorite.

Me: So, is this your first time doing something like this?

Him: No, I come every week.

Me: Oh! Really? Um. Ok.

Him: Yea, they call me when they’re having an event and I show up.

After the final bell rang, we gathered whatever dignity we had left our things and high tailed it out of there. We found ourselves in a diner (that had the best French onion soup ever in life), like real, stereotypical New Yorkers. There were a few guys I tried to make a match with (ok, one), like the photographer from Connecticut, but feelings weren’t mutual I guess. That’s cool.

Would I do it again?: Absolutely! Now that I could go in knowing what to expect and being OK with the possibility of not making a match, I would definitely go again. And really, you just never know who is waiting for you just around the corner. I know Lisa got our tickets on Groupon (or LivingSocial, whichever.) and I’m sure things like this are offered all the time. why pay full price? My suggestion – make sure the place has a bar (but don’t get sloppy drunk – just in case!), grab your girlfriends and have good time!

britney’s got the right idea!

Have you ever gone speed dating? Would you?

Let’s discuss!

single gal speaks: facebook stalking

We’ve all done it. We can deny it, try to stop it, or just learn to embrace that it is part of every day life now. I even found myself doing it yesterday afternoon. What am I talking about?

FACEBOOK STALKING

Specifically, an old flame’s new match. 

Ugh. I know, right? Since I found myself doing this recently, I figured I’d make a list of what was going through my head as I was doing it so we can all commiserate together in the comments.

for reference: my urge to snoop around stemmed from a text from a friend who mentioned the new match. ok, let’s go.

  • hmm.. i can’t remember what the new girl looks like..
  • open Facebook app
  • what was her name again?
  • ugh. i can’t find her. how does she spell it?
  • she has to be different, doesn’t she?
  • maybe this is a sign to just turn back and not open pandora’s box
  • ha! yea, right

tomhanksygm

  • ok, who’s friend list could i find her on?
  • this would be so much easier if HE had a facebook
  • this may take all night. i mean, i’ve got nothing else to do.
  • ten minutes later…
  • BINGO!
  • what is her profile picture of? click
  • oh. they took engagement photos. how nice.
  • i don’t even have feelings for him anymore. why is this bothering me?
  • oh God. they’re in a meadow
  • LAAAAAAMMMEEEEE
  • are there any more?
  • she’s got her profile locked up tighter than fort knox.

drevil

  • why does she look so young? am i really that old?
  • he looks good.
  • ugh. please. don’t go there.
  • but he really does.
  • STOP.IT.
  • maybe he doesn’t look that good.
  • yes he does.
  • ENOUGH. look at something else.
  • she’s really taking advantage of those privacy settings, huh?
  • well, i guess we’re done here. until next time, lovebirds.
  • close facebook app
  • gag

Am I close? Those privacy settings are a killer, no?

Let’s discuss!

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single gal speaks: Santa Baby

I was flipping through my Flipboard app and I came across that video in an article from the Daily Mirror. (Is that like the Enquirer for our UK friends?)

Can I just say how in love I am with her remix? It’s adorable. And hits all too close to home.

So if anyone needs an idea on what to get me for Christmas, watch the video.

Except, he doesn’t have to squeeze into tight Calvins. I actually prefer sweats. And please have a sense of humor. And a good job. And no commitment issues. And please be nice. And open minded with lots of patience. And very romantical. And be smart. And reads. Like, actual books – for fun. And be able to hold a conversation. And has grammatical skill – even through text. =/ And be accepting, generous, good with kids. And not neurotic (I’ve got enough of that for the both of us) And level headed. And financially responsible… this could go on for days.

I’m not asking much (just a token, really. A trifle!). Oh! speaks in movie quotes. And song lyrics. And cute inside jokes.

Ugh. I’ll stop now.

I’ve been a little uninspired lately. What do you do when you’re feeling like you have nothing to say. Or you don’t have an interesting way of saying it?

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