rant

rant & ramble: you know what’s pissing me off lately?

Woah, third post this week.

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Get the butter because I’m on a roll! Today I’m here to talk about things that have been getting under my skin as of late. I was thinking that I should probably just start a series of these since I feel like I do them more often than not. Then I realized that I made a whole category dedicated to them already. I’m really not a miserable person, I promise. Anyway, I’m rantin’ and ramblin’ so hop on board!

You know what’s pissing me off?

-humble bragging, insta-bragging (whatever) about being engaged. You know the girl. Maybe you are the girl (in that case, no offense and congratulations!). The one who posts and “innocent” photo of their fresh manicure (!!) or their new coffee mug/smoothie cup (!!). Except their shiny new engagement ring is smack dab in the middle of the photo. like, hey, what’s up, hello. Also except that they’ve been engaged for like ever already. Is there a reason why everything is being held in/done with your left hand? I’m left handed and I don’t use mine as much as an engaged girl on Instagram. Obviously, I give a pass to the girls who just got engaged. Personally, my eyes don’t roll until about the 3-month mark. After that, eyes get rolled and teeth get sucked.  All of this being said, prepare yourself for when my time comes because if my 90-year-old, arthritic hands can still hold a phone to take a picture and post it, I’ll be hashtagging and posting the shit out of my left hand. #blessed #luckygirl

-people who treat receptionists like they are public enemy number one. Thanks to my new job, I am quickly learning that about 80% of our client base feel that it is totally OK and normal to treat me and talk to me like I am the stupidest person they have ever come across. Like I am on the same level as the gum on the bottom of their shoe. Like a flea on a rat.

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On Monday, the phone WOULD NOT STOP RINGING. I begged, I pleaded, I threw a $20 bill at it. I did everything I could think of, short of ripping it out of the wall, to get a moment’s peace so that I could handle the people in front of me. And yet, even with the shrill ring of the phone sounding every 30 seconds* and the exasperated look on my face, people still found it in their hearts to make me feel like they were the ones who were overwhelmed.

*not an exaggeration

-it’s been hot here in Brooklyn. Actually, not so much hot as it feels like Satan’s living room. It’s between 90 and 100 degrees every day with a humidity of about 5000%. The air conditioner in my room is old. High, Medium, Low knob kind of old. But, it still works well so, no big deal. My friend Slater (ba dum dum) has been showing his age lately by being super noisy. I sleep with my television on so noise usually doesn’t bother me, but it sounds like a rocket launch right next to my head. I guess the alternative is drowning in my own sweat, so I’ll just shut up now. Especially since soon enough it will be winter and I’ll be longing for the days of my screaming air conditioner. The Farmer’s Almanac is saying that this winter is going to be a doozy too so, I’m soaking it all in.

-my love life is abysmal. I know this, my friends and family know this, by now you know this. However, the universe is sending me signs from all over and then not following up. I’m a big believer in signs. Probably so much so that I’ll try to twist anything into meaning something. It’s another one of those quirky things I do that I’m hoping someone will find endearing and love me regardless. Anyway, for the past few weeks, I’ve seen names of boys I’ve liked all over the place, I saw my seventh grade crush on OKCupid (we were a 90% match.. i meaaaannnn…), and I bumped into someone I worked with at the seventh circle of hell. We were talking and catching up a little. I tried my hardest to flirt, which I am usually terrible at but I have to say I was doing holding my own. Without going into too much detail, the reason why he came in was because he had to pick up his paycheck. Payroll had gotten their wires crossed because he now works in a different department. So, I thought I was going to see him again the following week on payday, but when my supervisor went to pick up the checks, she returned his to payroll since she didn’t want the big boss to see it. Not know this was going to happen, I dolled myself up and walked into work like a dark haired Honey Boo Boo. I tried to play it so cool. When my supervisor came in with the checks, I was so excited. I had the breezy Facebook message all planned out. Then I find out that it won’t be necessary. Now I don’t know when I’ll see him again. Don’t mind me- I’m just in the corner, overthinking things, as usual.

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See what I mean? WHAT GIVES, UNIVERSE?!

What’s been pissing you off lately?

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RANT & RAMBLE: plus size shopping

I was scrolling through Facebook, as one does when they’re trying to escape the stresses of the office. I came across this article, which lists 5 challenges plus size shoppers encounter while trying to find clothes that are fashionable, affordable and to their unique style.

This article is SPOT. ON.

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As we all know, this blog is no stranger to my rants about plus size shopping and how it totally blows. I wasn’t going to say anything because 1) Alysse (from Ready to Stare) truly hit every nail dead on the head. And 2) I’m tired of it. I’m tired of complaining. I’m tired of complaining that I’m complaining. Tired, tired, tired. Maybe I just need a nap.

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I have been on the hunt for a dress for a very special occasion coming up this summer. Actually, let me backtrack. I have a dress for this affair that I am in love with. However, not one to settle and not one to make a decision, I have been on a modified hunt for something else. Just in case. Also, for the record, I’m not 100% thrilled with the color, so I was hoping to find something that didn’t wash me out so much. Anyway, after looking online and in all of my local malls, I decided that my next move would be to try the Macy’s on Fulton Street in Downtown Brooklyn. Basically, what that means is, it would be a bitch to drive to because of parking and traffic. Fortunately, the MTA goes that way so off on the bus I went. I got to Macy’s armed with some gift cards, my Mom (for moral support and a second set of eyes), and all the hope I could muster. We went straight to the plus size section, which was the biggest I’ve seen in a Macy’s. I was pretty excited. I need new clothes for Spring anyway so I was all over the section.

Maybe I should add now that the store is currently undergoing a multi-million (billion?) dollar renovation. So, naturally, it’s a bit of a hot mess. Honestly, though, it still worked. There was still a ton of merchandise on display; from a mixture of seasons. It was controlled chaos and I was fine with it. After I had looked through the selection for some spring/summer clothes, I figured I should buckle down and look for a dancy dress. I walked over to the area where the dresses were and was instantly disappointed. All of the fancy dresses were in winter mode. As I started to walk away defeated, I heard another customer ask the saleslady where the plus size evening wear was. She told her that all of that was on Level 2.

Going down.

I walked into the other dress department and immediately saw a dress that was too perfect for my event. We were soulmates. I flicked through the dresses to see how they were organizing the sizes, since there were plus sizes on this floor also. OR SO I THOUGHT.

I asked my mom if she saw any signs for plus sizes, or if she thought they would/could/might be mixed in with the straight sizes. After having a mini panic attack that I needed to find this dress (I was hot, tired and hungry – give me a break.), my mom asked another saleslady where the plus size dresses were. “They’re on Level 3, m’am.” Bewildered, my mom was going to tell her that we just came from Level 3 but I stopped her. “It’s not meant to be,” I whispered and too one last look at yet another lost love.

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Would it literally kill someone to say “Hey guys! Let’s make this in plus size!”? By the way, if you love this dress like I do (it’s sooo much prettier in person), click on the picture; it will take you straight to Macy’s and you could buy it. She deserves a loving home.

Thanks for listening to me rant again, friends!

What’s up with you?

Let’s discuss!

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RANT & RAMBLE: dope shit

It seems like everyone in blog land is ranting lately. Luckily, I like to follow the crowd. I wasn’t going to say anything on this topic because people funnier and quicker than me (there are a few) have already tweeted and meme’d about it. But I really don’t care because I keep scratching my head about the ridiculous-ness of it all.

Someone has started a GoFundMe page for Kanye West. They’re calling it Get Kanye Out of Debt (seriously?) And people are donating to it!

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Listen, I would never want to be accused of stifling creativity, but can we look at this for a minute? Kanye has expressed his annoyance at people, like Mark Zuckerberg, giving money to build schools in Africa and not to him so that he can create “dope shit”.

THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH GIFS ON THE INTERNET TO EXPRESS MY DISDAIN.

Kanye, you just released an album. Deal with that first. Then, sit down and think about your life choices. Your wife is OK with you calling Taylor Swift a bitch and talking about doing adult things with her. I think the two of you should re-think your stance on this because you have children. The internet is forever, Yeez. How are you going to explain that to your daughter when she starts Googling? Which, in today’s world, will probably be sooner than you think. Get help. Quick.

And Kim- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Just in general, I’d like to know.

Also, where’s my GoFundMe page? I could always use some extra cash (who doesn’t?) I want to create some dope shit –that phrase is addicting– on this blog, anybody want to support the cause? Didn’t think so.

The other thing I feel the need to rant about is the fact that Apple will not help investigators crack into the San Bernadino shooter’s phone. From what I’ve gathered, Tim Cook basically believes that if he does it in this case, people will feel like he’s going to do it for them. I think. Whatever, it’s crazy and he’s wrong.

Honestly, if the government spying on my phone keeps me safe – spy away. For the record, Tim, that’s not what it means. And, although there are many, many conspiracy theorists out there today (I’m looking at you, Facebook.) I really don’t think anyone truly feels threatened by you writing a code to over ride the wipe out feature on this particular cellphone. Think of it this way, if they do feel this way, what do they have to hide?

WWSJD: What Would Steve Jobs Do?

If you’re looking for a legitimate, not full of shit, GoFundMe page to donate to, the school where Lisa works has hit hard times. They’ve been in the same building for over 40 years but are now being told they have to find new accommodations. Which 1) totally sucks and 2) costs money, lots of it. So, if you have a few extra bucks to give and are feeling generous, feel free to give. To borrow from Kanye’s campaign speech: DO IT FOR THE KIDS!

What do you think of Kanye’s antics? Sign of a breakdown? Should Apple lend a hand?

Let’s discuss!

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I’m linking up with Amanda today!
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RANT & RAMBLE: …maybe it’s me

When I’m at work I eat lunch by myself. It sounds sad, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, honestly. Because, people. I go in to one of our conference rooms, close the door and for the next half hour I veg out with my beloved Youtube videos. Yesterday, I was clicking around and saw a video from one of the Youtubers I watch all the time. Naturally, I clicked it. It was going to be fun! We’re like best friends who have never met and probably never will. Can’t wait.

The video in question was one where she was announcing that she had a product that we, her followers, could buy.

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COMEEE ONNNN!

I know this is the new “thing” now. YouTubers/internet stars getting book deals, travel opportunities, development deals for tons of shit, free products, etc. but I’m not going to lie…

I’M JEALOUS

There I said it. I’m all for people following their dreams and being successful. Totally all for it. And I totally get the value of hard work. These people have worked hard to get to this point in their career. But they are also at a point where they are making some sort of money from all of this. And don’t tell me the money is minimal because if you come out and say you have a team of people (PR, agents, etc) it’s a bit more than minimal. Normal people don’t need an agent. You know what’s minimal? An hourly wage like mine.

I started this blog for the most important reason – free things  MYSELF. I truly did. We all know my blog birth story, but for the newbies around here I’ll give you the condensed version. I started to blog because 1) I like to write and have been told I’m good at it. 2) I needed something to be proud of. 3) I wanted to start something and see it through to the end. Not that the end is coming anytime soon. 4). I needed to find a passion. And that’s my story. That being said, would I turn down money making opportunities, free things, production deals etc if they were offered? Absolutely not.

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Except none of those offers come my way. Listen, I know my blog has a lot of room to grow. I’ve been blogging for over two years and I don’t even have 200 followers yet. My site stats, although not 100% a teller of success, are stupidly low. I understand that companies want to deal with people who will get their products out there but I feel and look at it this way. If a big company gives their product to a smaller blogger to try and people searching for information on the product come across that small blog, it may equal more followers/interest for that blog. The blog will grow and more opportunities will arise. As for the company, they can also share with the big social media mavens and internet celebrities so that their product definitely gets noticed. WIN/WIN.

On the other hand, I also understand and agree that if you want something, sometimes you have to ask for it. Search it out for yourself. For example, if I wanted to be featured on Thought Catalog or websites similar to it I would have first, write something worthy of one of those sites. Second, I would have to propose my work to them. As much as I want to be on one, have I done the work for it? No. So whose fault is that? I remember a while ago I was talking to my cousin about weight loss and how it felt like everyone around me was losing weight and I felt like a pile of shit because I wasn’t. She said “Listen, if you go out to dinner and everyone around you is getting a salad and grilled chicken and you decide to get a cheeseburger and fries, you can’t be mad when they lose weight and you don’t.” i hate it when she’s right. Same could be said about blogging and getting it out there.

Maybe it’s me. Am I wrong? Do I just not understand how all of this works? Maybe my college education has failed me. I’m sorry if this is whiney, but for some reason I’m in one of those moods again. I think Aunt Flo is getting ready for a visit. bitch. Just bear with me.

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