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rant & ramble: you know what’s pissing me off lately?

Woah, third post this week.

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Get the butter because I’m on a roll! Today I’m here to talk about things that have been getting under my skin as of late. I was thinking that I should probably just start a series of these since I feel like I do them more often than not. Then I realized that I made a whole category dedicated to them already. I’m really not a miserable person, I promise. Anyway, I’m rantin’ and ramblin’ so hop on board!

You know what’s pissing me off?

-humble bragging, insta-bragging (whatever) about being engaged. You know the girl. Maybe you are the girl (in that case, no offense and congratulations!). The one who posts and “innocent” photo of their fresh manicure (!!) or their new coffee mug/smoothie cup (!!). Except their shiny new engagement ring is smack dab in the middle of the photo. like, hey, what’s up, hello. Also except that they’ve been engaged for like ever already. Is there a reason why everything is being held in/done with your left hand? I’m left handed and I don’t use mine as much as an engaged girl on Instagram. Obviously, I give a pass to the girls who just got engaged. Personally, my eyes don’t roll until about the 3-month mark. After that, eyes get rolled and teeth get sucked.  All of this being said, prepare yourself for when my time comes because if my 90-year-old, arthritic hands can still hold a phone to take a picture and post it, I’ll be hashtagging and posting the shit out of my left hand. #blessed #luckygirl

-people who treat receptionists like they are public enemy number one. Thanks to my new job, I am quickly learning that about 80% of our client base feel that it is totally OK and normal to treat me and talk to me like I am the stupidest person they have ever come across. Like I am on the same level as the gum on the bottom of their shoe. Like a flea on a rat.

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On Monday, the phone WOULD NOT STOP RINGING. I begged, I pleaded, I threw a $20 bill at it. I did everything I could think of, short of ripping it out of the wall, to get a moment’s peace so that I could handle the people in front of me. And yet, even with the shrill ring of the phone sounding every 30 seconds* and the exasperated look on my face, people still found it in their hearts to make me feel like they were the ones who were overwhelmed.

*not an exaggeration

-it’s been hot here in Brooklyn. Actually, not so much hot as it feels like Satan’s living room. It’s between 90 and 100 degrees every day with a humidity of about 5000%. The air conditioner in my room is old. High, Medium, Low knob kind of old. But, it still works well so, no big deal. My friend Slater (ba dum dum) has been showing his age lately by being super noisy. I sleep with my television on so noise usually doesn’t bother me, but it sounds like a rocket launch right next to my head. I guess the alternative is drowning in my own sweat, so I’ll just shut up now. Especially since soon enough it will be winter and I’ll be longing for the days of my screaming air conditioner. The Farmer’s Almanac is saying that this winter is going to be a doozy too so, I’m soaking it all in.

-my love life is abysmal. I know this, my friends and family know this, by now you know this. However, the universe is sending me signs from all over and then not following up. I’m a big believer in signs. Probably so much so that I’ll try to twist anything into meaning something. It’s another one of those quirky things I do that I’m hoping someone will find endearing and love me regardless. Anyway, for the past few weeks, I’ve seen names of boys I’ve liked all over the place, I saw my seventh grade crush on OKCupid (we were a 90% match.. i meaaaannnn…), and I bumped into someone I worked with at the seventh circle of hell. We were talking and catching up a little. I tried my hardest to flirt, which I am usually terrible at but I have to say I was doing holding my own. Without going into too much detail, the reason why he came in was because he had to pick up his paycheck. Payroll had gotten their wires crossed because he now works in a different department. So, I thought I was going to see him again the following week on payday, but when my supervisor went to pick up the checks, she returned his to payroll since she didn’t want the big boss to see it. Not know this was going to happen, I dolled myself up and walked into work like a dark haired Honey Boo Boo. I tried to play it so cool. When my supervisor came in with the checks, I was so excited. I had the breezy Facebook message all planned out. Then I find out that it won’t be necessary. Now I don’t know when I’ll see him again. Don’t mind me- I’m just in the corner, overthinking things, as usual.

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See what I mean? WHAT GIVES, UNIVERSE?!

What’s been pissing you off lately?

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i got your w(h)ine with dinner right here.

I’M HERE! I’M ALIVE!

I feel like I have to make that announcement every so often because I tend to neglect this space. So maybe my announcement should be

I’M HERE! I’M ALIVE! I’M A BAD BLOG MOM. (not momblog- def not one of those)

Truth is, life happened. I’ve got a few things going on (that I will tell you about eventually) and honestly, that back issue I’ve been having (I talked about it a few posts ago), hasn’t gone away. It got a little better, now today it’s like “I’m here! Ready to fuck shit up”.

Happy Monday.

Otherwise, I’ve been OK. A little blah but OK. It finally hit me that I’ll be 29 in about 2 weeks. And when I say hit I mean like a ton of bricks. 29 isn’t 30 and age ain’t nothing but a number, I know, but Christ. I’m almost three decades old. THREE.

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I don’t think it’s the number that’s bothering me, it’s that people my age and younger are doing things that I’m not. Getting engaged, married, impregnated, jobs with benefits. They’re traveling and buying houses. I’ve talked about this before and about the dirty mind games social media plays on you, but I’ve always been able to see it, process it and move on. This time I can’t seem to move on.

I know that I can also do all those things  but how am I going to do them with no opportunity? If I can’t get a date, how am I supposed to get engaged? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m going to marry every guy I see. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not holding out hope for a chance meeting with the love of my life. i watch way too many hallmark movies.

Same goes for traveling and buying things like a house. How am I supposed to do that if I don’t have the money? Last time I checked, my last name wasn’t Carnegie or Rockefeller. god, I wish.

My other gripe of the moment is The Mindy Project. I’m not feeling the second half of this season and it’s making me sad. It’s cool that she’s a single mom trying to date, but if you wanted her to still be a single girl about town, why did you make her a mom? Having Leo ties her to Danny, who has been noticeably absent most of the second half (other projects, indie films, blah, blah, blah), and forces her to be a little more mature and selfless. The reason I loved Dr. Lahiri is that she was totally self-centered and slightly immature. And call me a prude, but has being on Hulu made the show a bit more raunchy? Like, maybe more than necessary? I dunno. I love a good dirty joke and can out curse a sailor, but doesn’t it feel a bit forced? 

Do you ever get in to one of these funks? 

Let’s discuss!

 

late night Prince rambles

It’s Saturday night at 12:22am and I’m in bed, watching the SNL tribute to Prince. They’re showing his impromptu performance at the 40th anniversary after party. First and foremost, he’s amazing. I kind of love that he knows he’s amazing too. #ifyougotit #flauntit

At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, his death is hitting me harder than I had ever expected. Not in a Disney Princess, fling myself on to the couch, dissolve in to tears kind of way. That only happened once, when Princess Diana died.  I never realized how many of his songs are some of my favorites. And since he wrote under aliases and for so many other artists, who knows how many more of my favorites belong to him.

I’ve been watching the news coverage and the repeats of his performances and the thing that I’ve noticed in all of them is how he seemed to genuinely want his audience to have a good time. And how he seemed to have a good time for his audience. A true showman. I’ve heard that he had a fantastic sense of humor, which makes me happy because if you’re going to be weird, you might as well be funny about it. I’m sure he had his moments. I’ve also heard that he was impatient and had no time for bullshit. He was only human. I wouldn’t want to work for him, but I’d love to have been his friend.

Is it me, or is there just something about him? I keep thinking of that episode of the Golden Girls where Dorothy is dating Eddie, a guy who isn’t obviously sexy, yet women find him irresistible. hello.

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It’s late now and I have to go to sleep. Hope you don’t mind this random late night ramble!

Party on, Prince.

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RANT & RAMBLE: dope shit

It seems like everyone in blog land is ranting lately. Luckily, I like to follow the crowd. I wasn’t going to say anything on this topic because people funnier and quicker than me (there are a few) have already tweeted and meme’d about it. But I really don’t care because I keep scratching my head about the ridiculous-ness of it all.

Someone has started a GoFundMe page for Kanye West. They’re calling it Get Kanye Out of Debt (seriously?) And people are donating to it!

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Listen, I would never want to be accused of stifling creativity, but can we look at this for a minute? Kanye has expressed his annoyance at people, like Mark Zuckerberg, giving money to build schools in Africa and not to him so that he can create “dope shit”.

THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH GIFS ON THE INTERNET TO EXPRESS MY DISDAIN.

Kanye, you just released an album. Deal with that first. Then, sit down and think about your life choices. Your wife is OK with you calling Taylor Swift a bitch and talking about doing adult things with her. I think the two of you should re-think your stance on this because you have children. The internet is forever, Yeez. How are you going to explain that to your daughter when she starts Googling? Which, in today’s world, will probably be sooner than you think. Get help. Quick.

And Kim- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Just in general, I’d like to know.

Also, where’s my GoFundMe page? I could always use some extra cash (who doesn’t?) I want to create some dope shit –that phrase is addicting– on this blog, anybody want to support the cause? Didn’t think so.

The other thing I feel the need to rant about is the fact that Apple will not help investigators crack into the San Bernadino shooter’s phone. From what I’ve gathered, Tim Cook basically believes that if he does it in this case, people will feel like he’s going to do it for them. I think. Whatever, it’s crazy and he’s wrong.

Honestly, if the government spying on my phone keeps me safe – spy away. For the record, Tim, that’s not what it means. And, although there are many, many conspiracy theorists out there today (I’m looking at you, Facebook.) I really don’t think anyone truly feels threatened by you writing a code to over ride the wipe out feature on this particular cellphone. Think of it this way, if they do feel this way, what do they have to hide?

WWSJD: What Would Steve Jobs Do?

If you’re looking for a legitimate, not full of shit, GoFundMe page to donate to, the school where Lisa works has hit hard times. They’ve been in the same building for over 40 years but are now being told they have to find new accommodations. Which 1) totally sucks and 2) costs money, lots of it. So, if you have a few extra bucks to give and are feeling generous, feel free to give. To borrow from Kanye’s campaign speech: DO IT FOR THE KIDS!

What do you think of Kanye’s antics? Sign of a breakdown? Should Apple lend a hand?

Let’s discuss!

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I’m linking up with Amanda today!
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