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rant and ramble: a possible case of stockholm syndrome

I’ve been at my new job for a month now and I never thought I’d say this there are things I miss about my old one(s).

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I know, so crazy. Especially after all of the blog posts I’ve written, both in my head and on here, all the tears I’ve shed over shitty situations, letters of complaint I’ve threatened to write, here I am missing the place.

Stockholm Syndrome, anyone?

Seriously though, I guess it wasn’t all bad. Like at most jobs, some days were better than others, some people were easier to deal with but all that mattered was that at the end of every other week, there was a paycheck with my name on it.

It’s taking some time to wrap my head around the fact that I don’t work at the Student Center anymore. I don’t have to go there unless I want to, I won’t see my co-workers unless we bump into each other randomly, like at CVS (we live close to each other, it can happen). Funnily enough, I am totally adjusted to the fact that I never have to be behind the desk at the veterinarian’s office ever again. I guess I was more unhappy there than even I realized.

This post is probably a little more for my sake than anyone else’s since I haven’t written in a private journal in years. I wanted to start one again but then I started this blog. So even though there are things that I would want to talk about publically, this will have to do for now. Basically, this is mainly for posterity’s sake.I’ve never left one job for another before. Anyway, I digress.

stop circling the drain, martina. get on with it.

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#sorrynotsorry

I miss…

popcorn parties – we had a real popcorn machine for events like movie night. it went unused for a while, but someone bought fresh kernels finally and then it seemed foolish to not use them. Once we popped, we couldn’t stop, especially when my boss wasn’t there.

rapport/talking – don’t get me wrong, we talk at my new job, but no one knows me. we’re a very small office and the people who I work with have been there forever so they know each other very well. I miss having that with my co-workers. It’s weird to work somewhere where no one knows me. My parents also worked at Downstate (that’s where they met!) for a long time so there were some people who knew me since before I was born. Also, there’s very little chatter. Everyone is doing their job. That’s cool, seeing as we’re at work, but can we take a minute to discuss what is in the water over at the Kardashian Kompound and who’s next?

flow of people – at the Student Center (and at the vet’s office, obviously) there was a constant flow of people. I saw hundreds of faces a day. I talked to them, shared a smile, a helping hand. That’s not the case here. It’s refreshing, but not ideal. I love having the phone ring and having it not be someone trying to push their way into a full appointment book, or not having it be someone asking me to do something they are more than capable of doing. The phone doesn’t ring much, but when it does, it’s usually my boss looking for the office manager, which thankfully, is not me.

music – it was a knife through the heart when I asked if I could play music to help me stay focused (and awake) and was told no because the boss and his wife don’t want it on. My desk phone somehow has a radio on it so at least I have the oldies (who now play Backstreet Boys, #geezlouise) station. It’s really not the biggest of deals, but right now I have a lot of down time so it would be nice to chill out with a little Ed Sheeran or Bruno Mars or, when I really need a pick me up, some Disney.

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my phone – i’m not really allowed to have my phone out, which is a blessing and a curse. First, I don’t have the WiFi password (I’m not even sure if there is WiFi) and I’m not trying to use all of my data. Second, I think we all could use a few hours of a phone detox. However, I miss scrolling. I miss my quick, but plentiful Instagram breaks #instabreak. I can sneak a peek if I don;t have work in front of me, but I don’t want the temptation of it becoming an issue. My boss was adamant about it when I first met him, so best to not step on any toes right now.

dressing up – my new job is suuuuuuper casual. Like, so casual that my makeup routine has turned into (lots of) mascara and some eyeliner. PERIOD. I’m not complaining because it leaves more time for other morning routines, like praying I hit the Mega and then remembering I never bought a ticket. Could I glam myself up every so often? Sure, but honestly, this job doesn’t call for a (light)smokey eye or a bold lip. Even a sweater dress is a little much. I just bought a black tutu (for God knows what reason) so, I guess my weekends just got a little more upscale.

I don’t have a title for this paragraph but I wanted to add, as if I haven’t said it 95863 times already, I miss my co-workers. Specifically, the ones who worked at the desk with me. They really got me through some tough times, both personally and professionally. They were there for the good ones too. We shared laughs, complaints and lots of cake. I miss the gossip. I’m a feen for that stuff and love the juicy deets. There seems to be a ton yet none at my new job. I find myself thinking about what could be going on over at the Student Center often. I keep thinking that my week is still split between two jobs and that I’ll see everyone soon. It’s a process. I’m working through it. Circling back on a related note, I miss the people I got used to seeing all the time. Downstate students and employees, former students, some of who worked with us. I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of them (it would be impossible) and I kind of wish there was a way I could have.

I don’t miss

being asked to do things that were specifically given to someone else and them taking credit for them.

the public (specifically the people who think it’s right/ fair/ not an issue to speak to the receptionist at their veterinarian’s office like they’re dumb/a piece of shit.)

not having set hours/ getting taken advantage of

not getting paid for taking a day off

working weekends

having to find coverage for my shift

not having the internet

not having my own desk

not having functioning heat/AC

misogynistic asshole managers

being spoken to in general like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

feeling like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

not feeling appreciated

not feeling like I can’t do anything right

doing grunt work (i’ll happily file papers, alphabetize things, cut ribbons, etc. but why would i be asked to clean the bars you put weights on because they’re rusty and filthy, in front of a room full of men, when you know they’re too heavy/awkward to carry out so that I can accomplish this without it looking highly inappropriate, if you catch my drift, when we have a staff of (male)cleaners that could do it. I don’t mind working, but don’t give me busy work just ’cause. or because my being there needs to be “justified”)

speaking of… being told my being at work needed to be “justified” and then not having anything for me to do.

being asked “what are you working on?” and when I answer nothing right now, being asked to do 16 things you, as the assistant director, were supposed to have done already or being asked to do something you, as a man, should do yourself and not ask me, as a woman, to do. (I’m all for equality – 100%, here for it. But, when a man tells a woman to do *insert task that i have now forgotten what was barked at me* and then says, not sarcastically, might I add, “are you able to do that? just get it done” (AND THINK THAT THAT’S OK) he can, quite frankly, go fuck himself do it himself, amirite?

Clearly, I have/had a few issues. Listen, working, in general, isn’t ideal. I really like my new job, but see how fast I’m out of there if I hit the Mega. It’s just nice to get up and not want to go to work because it’s work or it’s Monday or whatever and not because there’s a pit of dread in your stomach because you don’t know what to expect for the day. Or because you just don’t want have to deal with the bullshit. Maybe it will come to that. Maybe not. Right now I’m content. Now if only my love life could catch up.

GOD BLESS.

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single gal speaks: facebook stalking

We’ve all done it. We can deny it, try to stop it, or just learn to embrace that it is part of every day life now. I even found myself doing it yesterday afternoon. What am I talking about?

FACEBOOK STALKING

Specifically, an old flame’s new match. 

Ugh. I know, right? Since I found myself doing this recently, I figured I’d make a list of what was going through my head as I was doing it so we can all commiserate together in the comments.

for reference: my urge to snoop around stemmed from a text from a friend who mentioned the new match. ok, let’s go.

  • hmm.. i can’t remember what the new girl looks like..
  • open Facebook app
  • what was her name again?
  • ugh. i can’t find her. how does she spell it?
  • she has to be different, doesn’t she?
  • maybe this is a sign to just turn back and not open pandora’s box
  • ha! yea, right

tomhanksygm

  • ok, who’s friend list could i find her on?
  • this would be so much easier if HE had a facebook
  • this may take all night. i mean, i’ve got nothing else to do.
  • ten minutes later…
  • BINGO!
  • what is her profile picture of? click
  • oh. they took engagement photos. how nice.
  • i don’t even have feelings for him anymore. why is this bothering me?
  • oh God. they’re in a meadow
  • LAAAAAAMMMEEEEE
  • are there any more?
  • she’s got her profile locked up tighter than fort knox.

drevil

  • why does she look so young? am i really that old?
  • he looks good.
  • ugh. please. don’t go there.
  • but he really does.
  • STOP.IT.
  • maybe he doesn’t look that good.
  • yes he does.
  • ENOUGH. look at something else.
  • she’s really taking advantage of those privacy settings, huh?
  • well, i guess we’re done here. until next time, lovebirds.
  • close facebook app
  • gag

Am I close? Those privacy settings are a killer, no?

Let’s discuss!

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monday mumblings

Since I missed Friday favorites last week instead of waiting, I decided to do them today. lucky for you guys!

The Mindy Project‘s Christmas Episode: I think we’re all going to have to accept the fact that this show will be included in my favorites until the season ends. Wreath Witherspoon, THAT GREEN DRESS (which looks so much better on TV than it does on instagram), the almost proposal, the recommendation letter! ugh.

Welch’s Peanut Butter and Jelly snacks: Ok, I know it sounds gross – peanut butter covered fruit snacks. I wasn’t too sure about them either but seriously, I’m addicted. They come in either grape or strawberry, creamy or crunchy. My favorite is creamy grape. Try them – you’ll love it!

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Winter programming: All of my usual “stories” are going on or have gone on winter hiatus. It’s killing me, but at least now there’s all new shows swooping in to fill their place. Lifetime has a new reality show coming out on New Year’s Day about plus size dating called Big Women:Big Love. This should be a beautiful train wreck. I’ve been in the trenches of the war on love for the bigger girl (president of the “friendzone reporting for duty!)  and I can’t wait to see how it’s portrayed. And, BONUS JONAS: SallyAnn Salsano, of Jersey Shore fame is involved. Like I said, beautiful train wreck.

Christmas commercials: I’m not going to lie, the commercials this year have not been the greatest. However, I really like the one with Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. They’re really cute together and I have no doubt in my mind that this is 100% them.

To round off this list, I have some not-so-favorites

Christmas gifts: In my family we do a secret Santa since we don’t have any children left. I went shopping and basically after a whole day at the mall, the only person I bought for was my secret Santa. Now it’s almost 3 weeks later and I can’t find the gift. ANYWHERE. It’s mind boggling because I also lost the stocking stuffer gifts I bought for my cousins. It’s like they fell into a Christmas black hole. Hopefully they turn up soon or else everyone is going to just have to accept a smile and a big Christmas hug from me this year.

My face erupted: I’m not prone to breakouts. So tell me why (ain’t nothin’ but a heartache), all of a sudden, my face turned into break out city. ugh. It’s probably all the stress about lost and unpurchased Christmas gifts.

Gray hair: After Thanksgiving, I noticed that I had a few more straggly gray hairs than usual. Upon closer inspection, I realized they’re all over the place! rude. Premature grayness runs in the family, or so I’m told, but still ain’t nobody got time for this. At least I’m not balding.

I think that’s about it. Talk to you soon!

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post blogtober list of things

It’s only been two days since blogtober finished and I already miss posting everyday. It’s just that I don’t know what to write about; how to proceed. It was great having those prompts everyday so I didn’t have to think of a topic. They were just there for me to shape them as I saw fit. The thing is, I don’t want to have a blog full of prompts. I want to write about something new and exciting every time I decide to post. Except that I am not new or exciting. For example, right now I’m stuck at work. It’s Sunday, so it’s quiet. As it was yesterday when I was here also. I have had a headache since I woke up this morning and I want to be home in bed watching the Girl Code marathon that I found just before I had to leave (of course). I don’t feel funny or entertaining; just cold and slightly annoyed. And a little bit bored hungry. You know, when you’re bored so you think it’s cool to eat everything in sight? Yea. I’m at that point.

However, being a Negative Nancy is worse than not writing at all, in my opinion, so I’ve decided to make a list of things. Things that I’m looking forward to, things that are making me happy at the moment. THINGS.

First and foremost, The Mindy Project comes back on Tuesday. hallelujah. I can’t wait. I probably shouldn’t admit the amount of withdrawal I went through for the past two weeks (because it’s embarrassing), but let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. Anyway, Mindy and Danny are back and all is right with the (my) world. (and just to be really annoying about things: #fullseasonformindy – just in case that’s still a thing)

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Speaking of comebacks, the paisans we all know and love are making a return to television! That’s right, kids – Growing Up Gotti is back!  Actually, A&E is doing a sort of “where are they now” special but still, I’ve waited almost 10 years for it. (again, saying too much) Is there hope for a new series or a DVD release? I sure hope so! (note: i am fully aware that i need a life. christmas is coming; maybe there will finally be one under the tree.)

i feel no guilt in this pleasure

The day before Halloween I found myself in Target. Before I knew what was happening, I had the new Taylor Swift CD in my cart. (#TS1989) Shortly thereafter, I was paying for the new Taylor Swift CD and taking it home. Must have been that Target Trance that we all know so well. I’m not the biggest Taylor Swift fan but I do enjoy some Harry Styles and any chance I get to hear about him what goes on behind his closed doors, I’m taking it. There’s been some speculation as to which songs are about him on this album. I’m not going to take any guesses but I could tell you two songs that I definitely hope are about him. Wildest Dreams and Out of the Woods. (i tried to include a video for wildest dreams here but youtube has been deleting the audio from them to protect the rights.rude. so if the video below doesn’t work try previewing them on itunes.)

After Target I wound up in Ulta, where I found a nail stamping kit from Essence. I’ve been looking for one for a while now because I can paint my nails but decorating them is another story. I finally got a chance to open the kit last night and play around with it. It’s a simple concept- paint the stencil and even out the paint, stamp the picture on the stamper, roll on to your nail, repeat. Tell me why I could not, for the life of me, get it to work. Anyway, I ordered some other stencil plates from Born Pretty Store and hopefully I’ll get my technique down before they come. If anyone has any experience with this stuff, let me in on your secrets in the comments!

I guess that’s the end of my list of things. I don’t even know how to sign off anymore. I most likely will not post tomorrow so “see you tomorrow” is out. Maybe I’ll just borrow from my aunt’s answering machine and leave it at:

Ciao for now!
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Blogtober14 Day 6: 10 things I told myself when I first started blogging

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Day Six- now in the mix!

Moving right along with Blogtober, day six wants to know 10 things you told yourself when you first started blogging. Luckily, I love lists and I love talking to myself.

  1. Here we go again. LET’S DO THIS!
  2. You need to blog everyday. Every other day? At least once a month. Are you ever going to post again?
  3. You’re too boring to blog. And your use of commas is appalling.
  4. It won’t take long to gain followers. (it feels like it’s taking for.ev.rrrrr.)
  5. Stop being so hard on yourself.
  6. Thinking of post titles won’t be hard. (it might be the worst part of blogging.)
  7. Should I use real names? Yes. unless the innocent need protecting.
  8. Create good content and followers will come.
  9. Stats don’t matter. Don’t obsess over them. Stop looking at them. Why are they so inaccurate? (seriously, if anyone knows how to get a reliable site stat tracker on a wordpress.com site, please let me know. teach me your ways.)
  10. You’ll get tons of feedback. From loads of people. (nope. not even a “you suck” or “omg you’re so funny! can we be best friends?”)

I don’t know how I feel about the direction this post went in, but I’m going to post it anyway because I made a promise to myself at the beginning of this endeavor that I would see it through. This blog isn’t a year old yet so I’m still telling myself these things. Especially the commas. I don’t even like commas; I much prefer a nice semi-colon, but I’m not 100% sure how and where to use them. There goes all of my credibility.

Thank God I could spell.

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It’s Christmas Time Again!

With mere minutes left until Christmas (21 to be exact!), and the fact that I have been totally deficient in posting on here, I figured I should kill two birds with one stone and write something festive.

SOMETHING FESTIVE.

Ha! You had to see that one coming.

Anyway, in the spirit of the season I thought I would write about some of my favorite things. Without further ado here are

Martina’s Favorite Things : Christmas Edition

1. Miracle on 34th Street (1994)- How perfect is this movie? First of all, it’s a John Hughes production. I know, I should stop right there- but there’s more! Second, it’s set in New York (where else?) AT CHRISTMAS TIME. Third, two words – DYLAN MCDERMOTT. And finally, well two things actually, there are old fashioned taxis all over the place. Where did they come from? And can we have them back? Also, can we talk about Mrs. Walker’s ring at the end? Way to go Mr. Bedford.  One last thing (I promise!), the head of makeup for this wonderful Christmas gem was Ben Nye Jr. Perfect.

2. Rockefeller Center- Ok I know, the crowds suck. They really, really do. But that’s all the more reason to practice your New York strut. Getting through the crowds like a New Yorker doesn’t mean to push or get crazy. You have to be agile and take every open opportunity. Basically, don’t be an animal. Also keep in mind that in this case the ends will certainly justify the means.

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BAM!

3. Chocolate Chip Cookies – I try to make them every year. Then I try not to eat them all.

4. My Christmas tree – A few years ago I challenged my mom to decorate our tree with only lights and bows and those sparkly stick things. To no surprise of my own, she totally skilled it. So now, we only decorate with lights and bows and sparkly stick things. Sometimes I miss our ornaments since they all had meaning but then I turn on my tree and see the whole living room light up and sparkle and it makes me happy. I could always visit the other ornaments in the basement.

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LOOK AT MY TREE!

4.5 Speaking of trees,

5. Like I could really limit myself to 5 things. The food, the friends and family.My aunt’s cookie tray, the meatballs, the manicotti, and antipasta. The sparkle, the magic. The gifts, the traditions. The movies, the songs. The Christmas specials of my favorite TV shows. The Hallmark Channel and Lifetime movies. The surprises, the wrapping paper. The good cheer and the warm fuzzies.  You get the idea.

It is now officially Christmas! I guess I should get to bed or else Santa won’t come. 😉

On an unrelated note before I go, does anyone know how to personalize these posts? I just learned how to download fonts and would love to use them on here but I don’t know how to do that. If nothing else, is there a way to change the color of the letters? Let me know!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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