job hunt

a little ball of nerves, mixed with hope, a healthy dash of desperation and some uncertainty.

Hey guys! Long time, no blog, I feel. There’s a bunch of interesting things going on with me right now. Some I am not even ready to talk about yet; still cooking, if you will. But, I did want to fill you in on what I could so here we go.

it has taken so long to get this post started – with editing photos and finding gifs –  i feel so out of practice.

Last week I had a meeting with someone at an employment agency. I’m not the most comfortable with going into the city by myself but I’ll do it when it is absolutely necessary and getting a new job is absolutely necessary. Armed with my MetroCard and my resume I hopped on the train and was on my way. I felt like Pee-Wee; on a big adventure.

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I had to take the train to 42nd Street/Grand Central. The train ride was faster than I anticipated so I got there much earlier than expected. This worked out in my favor because I was a little ball of nerves, mixed with hope, a healthy dash of desperation and some uncertainty. To combat this, I tried to put myself into my happy place (which is usually Central Park, but more on that later). I wanted to bring my camera, but decided that would be a little weird so I said a prayer to the camera phone gods that mine wouldn’t act up and took a detour to the Main Concourse for some distraction photography.

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Fun fact: the third level of the Main Concourse is an Apple store. I had no idea until I stormed up there for a better angle. They were nice about it, but I felt like I was intruding so I snapped a few shots on my non-iPhone and quickly scuttled out of there. I could have explored Grand Central for hours, but I had a potentially life-changing meeting to get to so I tore myself away.

I was still running pretty early so once I knew I was close enough to where I had to be, I found a McDonalds where I had my second iced coffee of the day. It wasn’t the best idea because too much coffee gives me the shakes, but I figured, what the hell, at least I’ll be on my toes. When I couldn’t wait/stall any longer I gathered myself and headed for my meeting. I walked in, signed in with security, hit the button for the 3rd floor, and eventually figured out that I was in the wrong building. and we’re off to a good start. Back down I went.

I walked next door, to the correct building, signed in, hit the button for the third floor and was finally on my way to new beginnings. I filled out all of the necessary paperwork and then I waited. My name was called, I was escorted to a conference room and then I waited. Over 30 minutes later, my recruiter comes in. I’m not going to go into details, but I will say that my hope was rapidly decreasing and my anxiety was rapidly increasing. That’s what happens when it is implied that you’ve lied on your resume (which i would never, ever do). As soon as I was told that I could leave, I gathered my stuff and got out of there.

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Like I said before, I wanted to bring my camera so that when I was done, I could celebrate taking this first step to emancipation by walking around Central Park taking pictures. Since I decided against bringing it and I was feeling low, I walked the other way, towards Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. I should have gone to the park because AJ from the Backstreet Boys was there with his wife and daughter. I could have asked him for a little I Want It That Way to boost my spirits. Oh well.

Anyway, I walked to Saint Pat’s because I wanted to light a candle. I love lighting candles there because they’re legitimate candles. At my local church, all you do is press a button and a light comes on. Call me crazy, but it sort of loses something. When I walked in I noticed that there was a mass going on. I figured I’d light the candle, sit for a minute and then sneak out the back. I asked the security guard when mass was over because I wanted to take pictures and the Catholic in me just couldn’t do it when the priest was giving communion. I lit my candle and decided to sit for a minute; the Catholic guilt about sneaking out was too strong. I was a bit in awe of the people walking around taking pictures in the middle of mass. Frankly, I was getting annoyed because even though I know this is not an everyday kind of experience and that most, if not all, of the photographers/gawkers were tourists, it just felt rude to me. Then I realized that I was receiving mass at Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. Granted, Cardinal Dolan wasn’t up at the altar and it seems like at lunchtime they sort of become a mass factory, but still, I had to stay. Eventually, the rituals of the mass came back to me and I found myself reciting all of the prayers from my childhood. I fit right in. When it was over and I knew there was a half an hour before the next one started, I got up and walked around a little bit. I took some pictures, but definitely want to go back with my regular camera because, STAINED GLASS.

After I left Saint Pat’s I was going to get something to eat but honestly, I was ready to go home. Luckily, the bus was on its way so I waited for it and just over an hour later, I was pulling in to my stop.

So that’s my update. I’m finally starting to take my job in my hands. The meeting might not have been what I wanted it to be but, I didn’t know what to expect at all so it is what it is. I’m going to fix my resume and send it back to them and see where that takes me. I’ll definitely keep you posted!

What’s up with you?

Let’s discuss!

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Martina’s Theory on Life!

Right now I should be job searching. I should be a resume sending machine. I promised Lisa I would start as soon as I got home. (sorry Lee!) Well, I’ve been home for over 2 hours and I haven’t even gone to nyc.gov to look at the Made in NY list. I’ll get to it. Right now, there’s something on my mind and I didn’t pay for this domain name for nothing.

I’m at a point in my life where if it were 1914, I’d be married with 2 children. If it were 1814, I’d be a grandmother. If it were 1714, I’d be dead. But, it’s 2014 and I am none of those things. I’m having a hard time with this lately and with things going on at home and more things going on at work, it seems to be worse than it should be. Facebook is also a bit of a shit stirrer.

I have this theory on life that has planted itself in my brain a while ago and has not stopped bothering me since. Here it is- get ready.

I was born in 1987 along with millions of other people. We took our first steps, said our first words, started school, went through religious rites (i.e. baptism, communion, confirmation, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc), celebrated birthdays, entered puberty, discovered boys/girls, learned to drive, applied for college, graduated (you get the point) at or around the same time. As milestones came we celebrated them together. Really, how many bar/bat mitzvahs and sweet 16s did you go to? Think about it.

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The last achievement we all reached together was graduating from college – give or take. Then all of a sudden we were expected to be adults. You want to further your education? Go to graduate school. You want to get married? Find someone to marry you. You want to move out? Get a job. Of course I’m not surprised that this happened. Life is supposed to move on and you’re supposed to be ready to be an adult and do adult things. But I can’t be the only one who sort of forgot that from now on it’s up to me. Sometimes I feel like someone is going to come in, throw me into a white dress, take me to the church and I’m going to get married because that’s what’s next. Then I remember that everything after college is up to me so I check my pockets and realize I don’t have the ticket for these rites of passage. Then I check Facebook and wonder where everyone else got theirs. (See? total shit stirrer)

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I know I am not the only one in this world, in my age bracket or not, that is looking for a full time job. I know I’m not the only one who is totally unhappy in my part time job. I know I’m not the only one who is frustrated by the amount of resumes sent out versus the amount of responses. I know, I get it. I also know that something’s got to give.

Millenials get a bad rap. We’re lazy. We love instant gratification. We don’t want to work for anything. We were coddled. Speaking for myself, I could tell you – I want to work and I will work hard to prove myself. I don’t expect anything to be handed to me. I wasn’t coddled. If I lost, I lost. Try harder next time. Did it suck when all of my friends got winning ribbons on Field Day and I came home with the participation ribbon? You bet it did. Did my parents make a big stink over it? Absolutely not. The fact is that I learned that there were things I wasn’t good at and that’s ok.

I hope this makes sense and that I don’t sound like a rambling idiot. I think my bottom line is sometimes I forget that in the game of life, we’re out of coins. Now in order to level up we’re going to have to take the controller and fight King Koopa all by ourselves.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Or is this another symptom of my Only Child (& slightly spoiled) Syndrome?

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