carpool karaoke

here comes 30

In a month from Wednesday, I’ll be 30.

30

Holy hell. That was a fast 3 decades.

I’ve been feeling my age lately, like my mind and body are already making the transition to this new phase of life. Today I’m going to talk about them so that you can comment down below and tell me you’re experiencing the same things and I could sigh, wipe my brow and think “woooo, it’s not just me”.

Everything hurts

Last month, I got up off my couch, turned to pick up my phone and couldn’t straighten up. I swear I saw stars. It was the worst.  It took about two weeks to feel normal again. I am gearing up for a trip to San Francisco (7 more days!) and I was talking to my mom about needing to buy a bottle of Advil to have, just in case. I also take Naproxen after a long day of walking so that my feet/ankles don’t swell. I mean, I think that sums it up. Prescription drugs and swollen feet after too much walking. In case that wasn’t enough,  my mom asked how many Naproxen I’d need. “10? Figure 3 a day?”

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No, Mom. I don’t need THREE a DAY.

I’m emotional

If I said it once, I’ve said it a million times. I’m not a big cryer. And to a degree, I’m still not. But lately, I’ll be scrolling through Facebook and a video will pop up and automatically start so, of course, I have to sit and watch it, and by the end, my eyes are brimming with tears. So, maybe not a full-on sobfest, but still more than a young twenty-something Martina would give. Last week I was on my lunch break and I was watching one where it was the events of the day from the mom’s point of view vs. the daughter’s. The mom was telling the cable repair guy how frazzled she was (sidenote: when people like the cable guy are asking how your day is going, they don’t really care. Don’t give him every detail, lady), how the kids were crazy, she can’t get anything done, etc. Then, the father is tucking the daughter into bed and asks her how her day was she tells him it was the best day ever! and how mommy played with them! and she loves her brother so much! Well, if I wasn’t a weeping ball of mush. Thank God I eat lunch alone. I sat there ugly crying over this 2-minute video. I’m actually getting choked up thinking about it right now.

My internal clock is set

It only took 29 years but now I can wake up without my roommate mom coming into my room to give me a good shake. #proud I truly wish I could pretend that I’m ashamed that it took that long, but honestly, I’m just not.

I have chin hairs

Lots of them. I’m not talking about cute peach fuzz like every other normal person. I mean there are 4 in particular that I can hold and cut with a scissor. Or play with all day, as is the case. To make it worse, they’re not all in the same spot so it feels like they’re taking over.

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I see Harry Styles as a true artist now and not just the British sexpot he used to be

Ok, that’s a lie. Have you seen his Carpool Harryoke with James Corden? Harry doing Lionel Richie better than Lionel Richie? Harry doing Julia Roberts better than Julia Roberts? YES PLEASE.

For real though, his album is a must listen. He’s got talent, that kid.

Did I talk about this already? Eh. Blame it on 30.

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christmas carpool

Can you believe Christmas is in 5 days? I sure can’t. I wanted to share with you not one but TWO early Christmas gifts I got and am googly eyed over.

And they’re from a celebrity!

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I kid. I kid. They’re the newest Carpool Karaoke segments from one of my many celebrity husbands, James Corden.

Last Tuesday he released the long-awaited (for me, anyway) Bruno Mars collab. It was, as expected, amazing. My favorite part was when James said that his woman wouldn’t be wearing Versace, she’d be wearing Target. ya damn right, boo.

Then, on Thursday, Jimmy dropped the All I Want for Christmas is You mix. As I’ve mentioned before, Lisa and I were big Mariah fans back in the 90’s and we usually incorporated this gem into our act at the various Christmas parties/ Girl Scout meetings we attended. we still do. she’s going to kill me.  My point is that our invitation must have gotten lost in the mail but, speaking for both of us I’ll say, we’re being good sports about it and will enjoy from afar. Maybe next year.

Also, Nick Jonas- what the hell, man? EVERYONE knows this song, what’s your issue? Google that shit. Make an effort.

That’s all I got today, kids. I’m off to wrap gifts.

 

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rolling in the carpool karaoke

Hello, it’s me. My mood has considerably lightened so I decided to come back on here and talk about what happened the other night on the telly.

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James Corden has done it again! He did a Carpool Karaoke with the Queen herself, Adele. It was, as expected, wonderful and I wanted to share it with you. As if you haven’t seen it or for whatever reason forgot how to use YouTube.

I was going to, in the tradition of the One Direction carpool karaoke segment, write down my thoughts as I watched. But honestly, and this would have worked for 1D also, all I can come up with is this:

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Again I have to ask, HOW IS SHE SO EFFORTLESS? I’m sorry but I don’t think Beyonce could sound that good, be that chill and down to earth if put in the same situation. I know I’m alone here. Moving on.

I loved that she had no idea that James is a singer himself, a rather good one too! I also loved that when she was really into it and doing her thaaang, he stepped back and came in when it was appropriate. Unlike what I would do and try to match wits with her, vocal chord to vocal chord. As if I don’t say it enough, I really can’t wait until I meet her and we become best friends. I would love to have a few glasses of wine with her and see what trouble we could get into. And I don’t even like wine; that’s how dedicated I am to making our friendship work.

My favorite part though came when she SKILLED the Nicki Minaj rap. Just another reason for us to be best friends. I can rap Biggie like nobody’s business. Red and black lumberjack, with the hat to match, B I double G I E skillz. I wonder if I could add that to my resume.

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What did you think of Adele’s carpool karaoke?

Let’s discuss!

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the one before the break

Ok, here’s the deal. I totally did NOT want to write about One Direction. Their hiatus has officially started, we’ll see them in 18 months (hopefully).

BUT.

They did a Carpool Karaoke sesh with James Corden and it got me feeling all sorts of things. But mostly things that make me go RAWR.

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So, we all know what Carpool Karaoke is, right? Basically, James Corden and a musical star drive around singing said star’s songs. Get it? Good.

Watch this one and then we’ll come back and discuss.

  • what good boys, putting their seatbelts on.
  • “Turn the air con on” – Harry. soulmates. nobody likes to schvitz.
  • i wonder if they’ll ask James to be the 5th member of the band after they come back from this silly little “break”.
  • they totally should.
  • “Who the hell put my seat heater on? Stop it, man. My ass is on fire” it was totally harry. man up, liam.
  • this chick follows them so much liam recognizes her? i don’t know if i’m disgusted or impressed.
  • i’m going to go with disgusted.
  • ugh. i love when they call people “love”. so british.
  • did they stop at mcdonalds?
  • THEY TOTALLY STOPPED AT MCDONALDS.
  • belt it, harry.
  • ohh Best Song Ever. yesss.
  • YAAAASSSS, harry.
  • james has officially replaced zayne #girlbye
  • niall’s got a canadian tuxedo now (only love to my northern neighbors)
  • “i’ve got double denim” – niall “you’re winning already then” – louis
  • when did No Control become so risque?
  • harry is killing it today
  • it does feel right, james
  • niall’s marrying selena gomez. well played, my little leprechaun.
  • james, you dropped the ball. what about harry and taylor? he needs to stop giving that media rehearsed answer. i thought you’d be the one to get it out of him. fine.. moving on.

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  • ok jimmy, you’ve redeemed yourself.
  • HAROLD. christ.

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So, I guess this is it for now. Have a great break, boys and we’ll see you when we see you. And seriously, consider adding James to the band. That rap was brillant.

It will get easier, right?

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i feel like i should add for the people who are new here or for the ones who don’t speak sarcasm, i’m totally kidding. sure, i’m bummed but nowhere near as dramatic as i’m pretending to be. just so we’re all clear. 

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