I’ve officially been on this earth for 3 decades.


It’s just crazy to me because, in my mind, I’m still this kid.

Or this one

Most especially this little weirdo

Man, that was quick.

In some ways, I still am that kid. I’m not here today to get all intro/retrospective about turning 30. I’ve learned things. I’ve had good and bad times. That’s what your 20s are for. There are two things short conversations I’ve had recently that I wanted to include in my birthday post because I feel like they sum up what I’m feeling perfectly.

The first one was with an Uber driver. Somehow my birthday came up and he asked me how old I was going to be (I didn’t even care. I guess I’m not a lady.) I told him thirty and he said “Ahh, thirty. It’s like entering a whole new world. You care less about certain things and life begins to fall into place in other ways. It’s a good age.” I smiled to myself and said, “You know, that’s exactly how it feels. It feels like I’m entering a different world.”

It’s true. I feel like I’m opening a door of new possibilities, attitudes, and experiences. I know they won’t happen or come overnight. I’m sure I didn’t wake up this morning a changed woman, but I feel like this is the beginning of something different.

On the other hand, let’s revisit this at 32 and see how I feel.

The other conversation happened about a week later and it was with my aunt’s best friend. They have known each other since college. They’ve been through almost every phase of life together. They have many lifetimes of friendship between them. Anyway, we were talking and again, somehow, my birthday came up. I told her about the Uber driver and the whole new world carpet ride I went on and I said, “I’m a little nervous because it was beginning to feel like I would never not be in my 20s.” She laughed a little bit and turned to my aunt and said: “Yea, we all felt like we would never not be in our 20s.” Then they started talking about how long they had each been married (48 & 50 years!) and just how fast (yet unbelievably slow) life moves.

Remember in elementary school you had journals? The teacher would put a prompt on the board and you would have to write or draw (or both) a response to that prompt. In first grade, we had journals and one of the prompts was “Where will you be when you’re 30?” Maybe it was my teacher’s birthday and she needed a laugh only the innocence of a child could give. Maybe it had to do with what we were learning. Whatever.

My answer to “Where will you be when you’re 30?” was… and you’ll just have to believe me because try as I might I cannot find this journal for the life of me. If I do, you know I will post it immediately.

When I’m 30, I’ll be in my limo in my wheelchair with my husband.

(or maybe I said with my other friends. I’m old now, my memory is escaping me.)

I thought thirty meant #nursinghomestatus. Turning thirty was unfathomable to six year old me. PEOPLE LIVE THAT LONG? THEY MUST BE ANCIENT. No matter that my parents were both 42 at the time. I also thought thirty meant rich. Or maybe that having a husband meant having money. I’m starting to think that I thought that I would be six forever and having a husband just meant living with an adult who isn’t related to me. i sense a theme here. 

Well, here I am. thirty years old- no husband, no limo, and (thankfully) no wheelchair.

Here’s to thirty and the decade that comes with it. May it be filled with laughter, love, good health, and to never stop being a Native American cheerleader.

here comes 30

In a month from Wednesday, I’ll be 30.


Holy hell. That was a fast 3 decades.

I’ve been feeling my age lately, like my mind and body are already making the transition to this new phase of life. Today I’m going to talk about them so that you can comment down below and tell me you’re experiencing the same things and I could sigh, wipe my brow and think “woooo, it’s not just me”.

Everything hurts

Last month, I got up off my couch, turned to pick up my phone and couldn’t straighten up. I swear I saw stars. It was the worst.  It took about two weeks to feel normal again. I am gearing up for a trip to San Francisco (7 more days!) and I was talking to my mom about needing to buy a bottle of Advil to have, just in case. I also take Naproxen after a long day of walking so that my feet/ankles don’t swell. I mean, I think that sums it up. Prescription drugs and swollen feet after too much walking. In case that wasn’t enough,  my mom asked how many Naproxen I’d need. “10? Figure 3 a day?”


No, Mom. I don’t need THREE a DAY.

I’m emotional

If I said it once, I’ve said it a million times. I’m not a big cryer. And to a degree, I’m still not. But lately, I’ll be scrolling through Facebook and a video will pop up and automatically start so, of course, I have to sit and watch it, and by the end, my eyes are brimming with tears. So, maybe not a full-on sobfest, but still more than a young twenty-something Martina would give. Last week I was on my lunch break and I was watching one where it was the events of the day from the mom’s point of view vs. the daughter’s. The mom was telling the cable repair guy how frazzled she was (sidenote: when people like the cable guy are asking how your day is going, they don’t really care. Don’t give him every detail, lady), how the kids were crazy, she can’t get anything done, etc. Then, the father is tucking the daughter into bed and asks her how her day was she tells him it was the best day ever! and how mommy played with them! and she loves her brother so much! Well, if I wasn’t a weeping ball of mush. Thank God I eat lunch alone. I sat there ugly crying over this 2-minute video. I’m actually getting choked up thinking about it right now.

My internal clock is set

It only took 29 years but now I can wake up without my roommate mom coming into my room to give me a good shake. #proud I truly wish I could pretend that I’m ashamed that it took that long, but honestly, I’m just not.

I have chin hairs

Lots of them. I’m not talking about cute peach fuzz like every other normal person. I mean there are 4 in particular that I can hold and cut with a scissor. Or play with all day, as is the case. To make it worse, they’re not all in the same spot so it feels like they’re taking over.

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I see Harry Styles as a true artist now and not just the British sexpot he used to be

Ok, that’s a lie. Have you seen his Carpool Harryoke with James Corden? Harry doing Lionel Richie better than Lionel Richie? Harry doing Julia Roberts better than Julia Roberts? YES PLEASE.

For real though, his album is a must listen. He’s got talent, that kid.

Did I talk about this already? Eh. Blame it on 30.




weekend update: burgers, shakes and statues

I don’t do weekend recap posts often, but when I do… they’ll be here. I actually did things this weekend and since I have some time to write about them, I figured, why not?

Lisa’s birthday is next week but being the busy adults we are, we penciled in plans for Saturday night. Jessica’s landlord is a producer on Saturday Night Live and as a birthday surprise, Jess was able to score tickets for her and Lisa to see the show. The host was Aziz Ansari, who we happened to see as a special guest at the Comedy Cellar. He used some of the same jokes in his monologue and I felt special because I heard them first. so ha! Nicole and I met them for dinner near the studio at Bill’s Bar and Burger, where I got the most delicious cookies and cream shake and an equally delicious burger complete with smoked mozzarella and some sort of BBQ bacon sauce.

It’s a big year for us. We’re turning 30, and as of September, we are celebrating 25 years of friendship. 25 years. Our friendship is a functioning adult. We aren’t, but our friendship is.

After we finished dinner, we left and unknowingly entered Gotham. The fog was so strong, it ate the top half of 30 Rock. I wanted to wait around and see if we could catch a glimpse of Batman, but I was concerned that the Ben Affleck version might show up so I carried on with my night.

After we dropped Lisa and Jessica off at SNL and after a failed vlogging attempt by yours truly, Nicole and I headed for the train since we both had to work the next morning. If you weren’t aware, the Women’s March was held on Saturday in cities all over the world. Naturally, I was looking for stragglers at 10pm, when the event ended at 4.That’s my middle name – day late, dollar short.

A quick word on what’s going on out there. First, I believe in marches like the ones held on Saturday. They were non-violent, people came out en masse, and the participants got their point across. I am so disappointed in myself that I didn’t give myself the opportunity to get out there. Second, the vile tweets, memes and posts that are connected to the women’s march hashtag are shameful. There are a handful of people on my Facebook feed that have made the most asinine comments about the women involved with the march, calling them ugly, stupid, fat, disgusting, etc. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?! Not only is it not true, but pretty, smart, skinny, desirable women don’t need/already have rights? (actually, i think i just found a topic for someone who organizes their thoughts better than me to write about. the privilege of the skinny, pretty girl.there’s just so much to be said.) All of this being said, I guess the bottom line is the problem with today is everyone thinks their opinion is the right one and the only one. Myself included i guess since here we are on my blog.

Moving on.

On our way to the train, Nicole and I passed the big LOVE statue on 6th Ave. On the ground around the statue were signs from the march. JACKPOT. If I wasn’t going to find a protest, this was the next best thing, in my opinion.

I threw my camera at Nicole and had a photo shoot with one of my favorite signs. I should have picked up a few of them but there were people waiting to take their own pictures in front of the statue. I didn’t want to be rude.


sign: Ok we get it. you won. now GROW UP.

That sign, for me, was directed less at Trump and more at Facebook. Well, those select few.

I had put my sign down and was walking away when a man told me to pick it up again. “Me?” I said. “Yea, you”, he replied. And just like that there is someone in this city who I don’t know from a hole in the wall with my picture on his cellphone. Too bad he was old enough to be my father and I think he was with his husband so, there’s always next time.

We got home just in time to see the cold open for SNL. I stayed up to watch Weekend Update and then I was out like a light.

Sunday morning while I was at work (ugh.) I got a phone call from my cousin telling me that they would be in Brooklyn if I wanted to meet for dinner. Not one to say no to a good roast beef sandwich (Brennan and Carr, FTW), I accepted. There are no photos because I forgot and because sometimes the best foods aren’t the prettiest.

Now I’m relaxing, hoping this Nor’easter that we’re supposed to get tomorrow keeps the people away from the office. Sure, it makes the day drag, but I have a book to read.

What did you get up to this weekend? Did you march? Tell me all about it!

last stop before thirty

Today is my 29th birthday. yikes.


I only have one more of these left until 30, which is mind blowing to me. Thirty years is a long time. Like last year, I feel like I should be able to put together a touching, thought provoking post about being in the last year of my twenties. But I got nothing. Not even a listicle of things I’m younger than to make myself feel better.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the year that I would start to say yes to things that I might have said no to. Interestingly enough, I haven’t written about any of them yet, but rest assured that I have stepped out of my comfort zone a few times and that I will write about some of those steps soon. Maybe even in my next post. #hint. 

I can’t wait to see what the next year throws at me. I know what I hope it throws at me – and that’s a chance meeting with Harry Styles where we fall madly in love. Or maybe a few Sephora gift cards. Whichever.

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weekend update: birthdays, bridesmaids, and onion rings

Happy Monday! I don’t know about you but I’m ready to start a new week!

Oh, it’s Tuesday already? Great. Slacked again.

Anyway, I had a full weekend and didn’t want the opportunity to tell you all about it to pass. Sounds like fun, right?


that’s the spirit!

Friday – I was up at the ass crack of dawn because I had to be at work for 6:45am. I don’t usually work on Fridays so this was a double shock to the system. After work, I went home, freshened up and went to meet my cousins in Queens for happy hour in the city to celebrate my cousin Desiree’s birthday. After almost falling between the train and the platform, and pushing the train doors open like I was coming back through the birth canal, we had made it to the bar. #success.

My cousin Jillian recently got engaged and since we were all going to be together, she took the opportunity to ask us to be a part of her bridal party. We said we’d think about it and get back to her in plenty of time.


A little while and a stop for the “greatest popcorn in New York*” later, we were back on the train and headed home. I don’t even think Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche and Rose thanked me for being a friend before I was out like a light.
*Garretts – and it really was yummy. i don’t even like caramel corn, but i would have bought a whole bag of this one.

Saturday – I had lots of little things to do. I bought two dresses from Target online that were just not going to work for me so I had to take them back. To Target. On a Saturday. This, my friends, is what Hell must be like.

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I, of course, can’t just make the return and get out of there. Noooo. I have to go to the dollar section/Spot’s Playground and see if I could get some Easter goodies. It was an absolute mess. Eventually, I had to just give up. I got online to pay for my lipgloss, nail polish and bottle of body wash. Twenty minutes after I got on the line, I was finally walking out of the store. sheer torture.

After escaping that mess, back to Queens I went to have dinner with my mom, my aunt, uncle, and cousin. We ended up at a Kosher deli for some pastrami on rye, matzo ball soup and onion rings. Coincidentally, this must be what they serve in heaven, among other things like, cheese fries. I only have a picture of the soup because 1) I basically inhaled half of the sandwich and 2) I’m lazy.

chicken soup

And now I’m hungry.

Sunday – I braved the Parkway* one last time and went back to Queens to work on something that I’ll talk about later with my cousin. What I will talk about is that we ate dinner at Bareburger and holy cow (ba dum bum) was it good. I had a burger with fries and onion rings RIGHT THERE ON THE BURGER. We also shared sweet potato fries and more onion rings. I also tried a little bit of the Hot Honey shake, which is vanilla ice cream blended with honey that’s infused with chile peppers. It’s delicious until it kicks you in the throat and even then it’s still delicious. Again, I didn’t get a picture of my full meal because of inhalation and laziness. The best part about all of this is that Bareburger is all organic and grass fed and good for you, which obviously means it has no calories. in a perfect world.


And now I’m really hungry.

I don’t know about you, but I consider any weekend where I consume onion rings twice in two days a good one.

Then we met a former show dog named Bo. He was an English Springer Spaniel. He was so cute; a perfect Disney dog. We started talking to the owner and he told us that he was a combat photographer, which I thought meant military/war zone pictures, but it turns out that he meant red carpet/ celebrities. I was thisclose to asking him if he’s ever met Harry Styles, but I played it cool because I’m trying to, at least, pretend that I’m an adult. I don’t necessarily agree with/like paparazzi because sometimes they do more harm than good (*cough* princess diana *cough*), but I was totally intrigued. It had started to rain so we parted ways before I made a total fool of myself, thankfully.
*to all my friends in the Brooklyn, Queens, Long Island area – is the construction on the Belt getting ridiculous, or is it just me? paint lines on the road, amirite?

I came home and watched some Youtube videos until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore so, like, 11:30.

That’s all folks!

What did you do this past weekend?

Let’s discuss!


celebrate 28!

I really wanted to write something prolific about being in my late, late twenties. Like all the things I’ve learned thus far. Something Thought Catalog worthy. Something that would go viral. Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about life it’s that it lets you down. Just like this post. So instead of something thoughtful and poetic you’re going to have to settle for some gifs. I searched the internet for these myself so I’ll just accept that A for effort, thankyouverymuch.


Ok, I’m off to stuff my face with cake!


don’t call it a comeback.. except that’s what it is

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Sooooo… how’ve ya been? I just wanted to come on here and let everyone (the one or two of you who stuck around) know that I’m here! I’m not even going to apologize for lack of posts because as much as I’ve missed it here, I’ve been seriously lacking in creativity, motivation and the general hilarity I’ve tried to always bring to this space.

I am going to try to not bring up what’s going on with my dad in every post, but it’s such a big part of my life right now, I can’t seem to help it. Hence why I’ve stayed away. He’s been home from the hospital for 9 days and it feels like 9 weeks. This has been, hands down, the longest week and a half in my life. Like, I thought June was a long month? June was a piece of cake in comparison. With all that’s been going on, I’ve wanted nothing more than to sit here and write and scour the internet for gifs but being funny and light hearted felt fake. I could pull that shit on instagram (which is also a bit neglected) but I couldn’t do that here.

Anyway, I’m going to try to get myself together over the next few days and get the creative juices flowing. Tuesday is my birthday; I’ll finally be sWeEt SiXxTeEn!!

i think the fact that i knw who this was determined that was a LIE.

i think the fact that i know who this was determined that was a LIE.

So, I’m here, guys. Just bear with me alittle longer. Isn’t it cute how I’m talking like I have legions of fans? I thought so. Whatever. I love and appreciate every single one of you. seriously.

Also, birthday gifts are definitely appreciated and if you need a list I’d be happy to send you one!


one year

blog birthday

My little blog turns one year old today!

I’m a bit more excited than I thought I would be. I guess since it took me almost the full year to get started.

I wish I had something planned, like a giveaway or something. I feel like a mom who forgot to plan her kid’s birthday party so she hired her husband’s foul mouthed friend to throw on a clown costume, and threw some pizza bites in the oven while she ran out to find a card and some balloons.

This is why I don’t have children. That, and the lack of anything slightly romantic in my life.

But, I have a blog. That I’m extremely proud of and enjoy hanging out with.

In the spirit of being a proud blog mama (oh God, even that sounded unnatural), I thought I’d do a year update.

Likes: page views, likes, comments, new subscribers, old subscribers, blogging friends, backstreet boys, one direction, the mindy project (did you see this week’s episode?!), manhattan, nail polish, glitter, kate spade, commas, sarcasm

Dislikes: ghost subscribers, slow viewership days

Goals: to hit 100 subscribers (1 away!), to hit 250 subscribers (in due time), to comment more, to become so popular mommy doesn’t have to worry about finding a new job (so thoughtful!), to make more friends.

I feel like I should get all introspective and say how starting this endeavor has changed me as a person. Except I’m the same hilarious, beautiful, sparkly, adult-child that I always was. So you lose on that one. Or maybe it’s a win.


I wanted to also say that I am so thankful for everyone reading this. If you’re a subscriber, thanks for pressing that button! If you aren’t, please feel free to change that! To the frequent commenters – thank you for keeping me motivated by reaching out. It’s scary how alike some of us are. It makes me feel less weird. I consider you guys my blog friends because that’s what friends are for, to share each other’s weirdness. (I hope I don’t sound crazy!)

Here’s to many more blogging birthdays!


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