dating

the lost art of being romantic

If there’s one thing I love in this world it’s a good romantic comedy. I like to pretend that I’m the plucky, scattered yet endearing heroine who can totally handle her own stuff, but will also willingly let Prince Charming swoop in and save the day. I also like imagine what it would be like if I were actually able to live in apartments like Meg Ryan’s in You’ve Got Mail or Mr. Bedford’s in Miracle on 34th Street (1994 version, of course. not 100% rom-com but dat apartment doh).

Lately, the subject of hopeless romance/romantics has come up in my daily life and I thought “Finally! Something I have an opinion on!” I don’t date much (so I use opinion v. loosely) – not by my choice, tbh, but I do daydream a ton and consider myself pretty well versed on chick lit and rom-coms, both by Hollywood and Hallmark so be confident that you’re in good hands here.

Men always say how hard women are. “You’re impossible to understand!” they cry. Well, boys, you’re in luck! Auntie Martina is here to clear up a few things. Get a notepad and write this down. Or bookmark this page. Screenshot it, maybe. Whatever you kids are doing these days. Just get ready.

Listen

tumblr_ny86v1YVcv1ul3tkoo1_500

Women talk – a lot. And, yea, some of it is nonsense about how Diane in payroll gave her the stink eye all day today (bitch.) or how she found out how many calories are actually in her daily Double Trouble Mocha Choca Latta frappuccino and how she literally died when she found out but she can’t just can’t quit them. She’ll fill you in on how her 1st-grade bestie’s cousin’s neighbor got engaged this weekend in a hot air balloon (which she’ll pretend to be unimpressed by, but really, she would kill for the same thing) She’ll also tell you how she loves daisies and the color green and her favorite comfort food. One thing’s for sure, she’ll definitely let you know how she’s feeling so, when you see she’s a little off, buy her a bouquet of daisies, wrap them in a green ribbon, order the chicken parm and pop in her favorite movie – because she’s definitely mentioned it  – and look at you! Day = made.

Don’t be a dick

Khloe-Kardashian-dont-be-a-dick-GIF

How come the biggest gripe of single people (myself included) is “There’s just no one out there!”? HOW IS THERE NO ONE OUT THERE? There are dating sites/apps, singles cruises, matchmakers, singles mixers, etc. that prove otherwise. I just had this conversation with a few different people and my question is this – ALL (like, every single one) of the single people in the world (or, in your neighborhood, city, state, country, whatever) are ALL garbage people? Like, not just the “oh, they weren’t my type” or “it just didn’t work out” ones. I mean the ghosting, the talking to no less than 5065 people at the same time, or the really heinous – ones who already have a girl(boy)friend/wife or husband/ family. I think the problem is that there’s too much of an interest in being not interested or not interested enough. It’s way too easy to swipe right and then never message the person or to message them a few times and then drop them or even to go so far as to go on a date and then *poof* #byefelicia and never to be seen or heard from again. Not cool, bros. So, basically, don’t do this. If you’re interested, see it through. It’s ok if there’s no spark in the long run, but take the time to find that out. If you’re not interested, don’t pretend like you are.

OK? Good.

Now we know that listening and being a decent person is key. Now it’s time to act. Romance comes in all sizes. You can have huge, sweeping acts of it that takes everyone’s breath away. And by everyone, I mean all of Facebook and Instagram because you know grand gestures will be ‘booked and ‘grammed from here until kingdom come. Not one for sweeping gestures? Not a good listener? I got you. Here’s a list – a cheat sheet if you will – of things that you can do to make her think she’s the Meg Ryan to your Tom Hanks. The Kate Hudson to your Matthew McConnaghey.

  • text her every morning – a quick one is fine. just let her know you’re thinking of her. want to blow her socks off? check in during the day too.
  • hate to dance? do it anyway. even if you look like a fool. even if it’s only one slow dance at some random wedding. it will be the best 2.5-3.5 minutes of her night.
  • tell her she’s pretty – even when she kind of isn’t. like when she slept late and couldn’t wash her hair that morning and it’s looking ratty. bonus points: when she’s sick and is surrounded by tissues. bonus bonus points: when sick means to her stomach, tell her as you hold her hair back.
  • flirt with her – again, a quick text goes a long way. witty banter. be THAT couple.
  • don’t roll your eyes when One Direction comes on. TURN THAT SHIT UP AND SING ALONG. (feel free to replace 1D with whatever artist she likes and you don’t)
  • hold her hand. SIMPLE.
  • buy her flowers. i know i mentioned that before, but you don’t have to wait until she has a bad day. any day is a good day for flowers. bonus points: pick a random day and send them to her at work *swoon*.
  • i know we’re talking about dating here so this may be kind of weird, but eventually, this may come up – tell her how amazing she is after she gives birth. she just birthed a tiny human. YOUR tiny human. you better believe she is the most amazing, beautiful, fierce, bad ass person in the world at that very moment. TELL HER. she may just be drugged and/or tired enough to not fight you on it and just believe you.
  • know how she likes her coffee –  v. important.
  • keep up with the kardashians – ok, that may be taking it too far, but if she’s into reality TV,  don’t give her shit about it and know the players at least.
  • open her car door. then wait to see if she passes “The Mario Test” (what movie?)
  • make her laugh. for the love of God – this is important. the great American philosopher, Marilyn Monroe, supposedly once said “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.” which, now that i’ve read it again, I’m not sure I’m in love with the quote, but I agree with the idea of keeping each other laughing and having a sense of humor.
  • kiss her on the forehead. *shrugs* it’s cute
  • listen
  • don’t be a dick

Could I go on for days? Yep, sure. Are there more important things I should mention like, support her in achieving her goals, or having nothing but resepect for her. Am I setting feminism back a bit with this post? Maybe, but sometimes it’s nice to be the plucky, scattered heroine and feel like romance isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. It’s nice to feel woo-ed. I know that feeling comes differently for everyone and what works on me might not work on you. Like I said in the beginning, what I like about romantic comedies is that the woman can usually handle her own stuff. It’s just nice to be given an extra thought to/about.  Let’s not forget also – love is a two-way street so just flip it and reverse it, ladies!

What did I miss? What would make you swoon? Have I totally missed the mark?

signature-script.jpg

i’m back! and whinier than ever!

I told you I wouldn’t be back right away. I didn’t think it would take this long for me to actually sit and write something to post, yet here we are a mere month later.

giphy (6)

I’m going to be real with you. I’ve thought about writing and posting pretty much every single day. And every day something would “come up”. I’m stuck at work. I have nothing to say. I’m tired. and on, and on, and on… 

I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m hoping that by getting this posted, I can break away from whatever is bothering me. I’m in one of those stages where I can’t pinpoint what’s wrong. There has to be something wrong since I have had absolutely no desire, past doing it in my head, to do what I truly enjoy.  blogging and taking pictures, in case you weren’t sure. I feel lazy, unsure, not funny, just all around ill-equipped to be here, running this blog. It’s a funky funk. I think. I hope. I feel fragile but for absolutely no reason. Maybe it’s not fragility, maybe it’s more vulnerability. Either way, it’s not something I’m used to and I don’t like it. Is this normal? Do you feel like this too sometimes?

I’ve been waiting/looking for inspiration. I keep up with my favorite bloggers, hoping that something will turn the light on in my brain. Nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I think you guys are great. AMAZING. But your stories are your stories. I can’t pull inspiration from things that I can’t relate to/never experienced.

I’m hesitant to write this because I feel like every few months (weeks, if i’m being honest) I’m here complaining about my life. My job(s), my (lack of) romance, my weight/clothes shopping, what have you. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the constant whining.

wahhhhhh i don’t wanna work weekends.  wahhhhhh #foreveralone. wahhhhhh shopping sucks.

That’s how it sounds in my head, at least.

The fact of the matter is, if everybody’s workin’ for the weekend, then you got it covered so I’ll just stay home. I just want a regular job. 9am-5pm (or 7-3 or 8-4, whatever), with my own desk, computer with internet access (you would think this is standard; it’s 2017. you would think.) Maybe one that showcases my skills. Definitely one that affords me to do basic things (like take a day off and not worry about finding coverage or not getting paid for the day).

I paid for a month of OKCupid. It’s not going well. To be fair, I guess you get what you put in and I’m not making much of an effort, but I digress. I’m getting a handful more messages/likes than usual but nothing that would have me think “why didn’t I do this sooner?” Have I put myself out there in other ways? No, but can we just not go there?

tumblr_inline_neiwah85bR1qcq31a

I don’t know what to say about shopping. When it’s good, it’s OK and when it’s bad, it sucks big elephant dick. (remember when i said i thought cursing was becoming too free and easy? let’s all have a laugh at my hypocrisy)

I’m also really tired (like, really tired. exhausted even) of the absolute fuckery that’s going on in the White House/government lately. On the news, they were reporting about the nerve gas attack in Syria. The Commander in Tweet released a statement blaming President Obama and his administration for it (wut?) and then basically told the Syrian dictator to carry on. NBD. NERVE GAS. As in a chemical that is banned by the civilized world. GTFO.

tumblr_inline_mzedyg1Uv31r4

It also doesn’t help that my father is obsessed with, as he calls him, the Trumpster, so it’s all news all the time in my house. And by obsessed, I mean in a good way, like, how do we get rid of him? Here, sign this petition.

As if it needs to be said at this point, but everything has been annoying me lately. Like, a lot more than usual. Things that shouldn’t get under my skin are getting under there and setting up camp. Everything has been making me suck my teeth and roll my eyes. I’m (almost) 30, not 13. WHAT IS GOING ON? But then again, some eye rolls are warranted. Like when my boss yesterday went to pick up her phone to make a phone call, thought better of it, and then asked me to make the call instead. Or, like when she called me from her desk with a functioning computer on it, to ask if I could email a student about an event that we were having last night. seriously?

Life isn’t all bad though. Harry Styles is releasing his first solo single on Friday and will be on SNL the following week. I can’t wait to hear that raspy voice and get lost in those sparkling emerald eyes of his.

7dfcdd3705e473ac4fdb3484eec2f021

 

I jumped on the bandwagon and updated the name on my blog’s Facebook page. If you’re thinking of changing yours, DO IT. I haven’t seen a huge jump in views, but there’s definitely more traffic to the page, which hopefully, will lead to traffic to the blog.

Am I being dramatic? Yea, probably.

jfRXokH

Eventually, inspiration will hit and I’ll be back, better than ever. Like I never left.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for putting up with me. I’m a real handful. A gem.

On a quick sidenote – what’s everyone watching? I am really loving Feud: Bette and Joan. They were some #badbitches. You can’t go wrong with Ryan Murphy.

2017, are you listening?

It’s Friday, so here are five things.

What better time than just past the middle of February to make a list of things I’d like to see in 2017? These aren’t resolutions, so it’s fine. Right?

2017 – I’m going to need a few things. You listening?

A new “We Didn’t Start the Fire” – I  was watching Billy Joel’s WDSTF video and thinking back to when I heard it live at Madison Square Garden. It’s one of my favorites from Bill. With all that’s going on these days and all that’s gone on since the original came out, I think it’s time for BJ to update and re-record this classic.

giphy (5)

A streaming service dedicated to 90’s television- ONLY 90’s television. And movies, maybe. I live in a state of nostalgia and love when I catch a good Designing Women marathon. I would readily pay my $8.99 a month to have every 90’s gem at my fingertips. No matter how obscure. the encyclopedia of 90’s sitcoms i have in my head is ridiculous. try me. I recently found out that the Hallmark Channel plays “The Father Dowling Mysteries” on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Praise be. I need a little more of that on my life. I’d even pay a little more if they threw in some commercials to the mix. WHO CAN I TALK TO ABOUT GETTING THIS OFF THE GROUND? Kickstarter?

A spinoff of The Gilmore Girls featuring only Paris Geller- Come on. We all know she was the best part of that revival (minus Jess, of course) and quite possibly the entire series. Liza Weil is being wasted on How to Get Away with Murder as Bonnie. I keep hoping she’ll snap and transform into Paris. Then I feel bad for typecasting and I power through. From what we saw in the revival, Paris has more than enough going on to make a series out of. She’s divorced, so she could navigate the dating scene or try to get back with Doyle. Will she ever be able to keep a nanny? How is she as a mom? Will she ever use the upstairs of her home? Maybe she’ll just move out of the house, hilarity and snarkiness ensues. The possibilities are endless! The spinoff would also need a little bit of Emily, the Queen of Hartford. And maybe Rory, but only if she brings Jess. Otherwise, no thanks.

40e43df0-9310-0134-1921-060e3e89e053

Get rid of shipping fees- I may have mentioned this here before but it bears repeating. I HATE shipping fees. And return fees. And taxes. Anyway, I just got an order in that I paid $15.99 in shipping fees for. Turns out that some items have to go back and they want to take $7.50 off my return as a return fee.

sassy-cher-lloyd-um-yeah-gif

Yea so, I would like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I never asked to be a part of. Why am I paying for you to take back things that I’ve tried on once? Isn’t it bad enough that the item doesn’t fit or just doesn’t look right?

a better way to online date – listen, online dating is what it is. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. I re-signed up for Bumble a few weeks ago and was immediately reminded of why I stopped using it in the first place. Bumble is known for having the cream of the crop men. They’re smart, good looking and have good jobs. Great. Perfect. So you swipe, swipe, swipe hoping for a BOOM. And if you’re me, the BOOM never comes. Sometimes I’ll swipe left (to reject) on someone who seems great but I know will also swipe left when my profile pops up. Why? Well, partly because my profile wasn’t filled out until recently and two, and I don’t know how to say this without word vomiting it out – most men don’t give me my body type a second look. there, i said it. And that’s cool; to each their own. I mean, I too base my swipes on the picture more than the profile sometimes (it’s natural) so maybe I should just take a seat. I just feel like there’s got to be a better way. Out of the maybe 5 BOOMs I made, two wrote back. Of those two, one just wrote back to tell me how much he hated the app. um. ok. I tried to steer the conversation in another direction – ANY other direction- and he wouldn’t bite so I gave up. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just lonely. Maybe I’m too single. I don’t know. Short of having a dating website/app that prohibits pictures, there’s got to be a better way. Unless that way is putting on pants and leaving the house. hard NO. (i kid, i kid) Sidenote: for my fellow Bumblers – have you found “celebrities” on there? I saw the founder of Tumblr and Vinny from Jersey Shore (totes swiped right on him, tbh. no BOOM though.)

vinny

Woo.. that went on longer than expected.

Got it, 2017? Let’s make this happen.

What would you like to see in 2017? Let’s discuss!

signature-script.jpg

i got your w(h)ine with dinner right here.

I’M HERE! I’M ALIVE!

I feel like I have to make that announcement every so often because I tend to neglect this space. So maybe my announcement should be

I’M HERE! I’M ALIVE! I’M A BAD BLOG MOM. (not momblog- def not one of those)

Truth is, life happened. I’ve got a few things going on (that I will tell you about eventually) and honestly, that back issue I’ve been having (I talked about it a few posts ago), hasn’t gone away. It got a little better, now today it’s like “I’m here! Ready to fuck shit up”.

Happy Monday.

Otherwise, I’ve been OK. A little blah but OK. It finally hit me that I’ll be 29 in about 2 weeks. And when I say hit I mean like a ton of bricks. 29 isn’t 30 and age ain’t nothing but a number, I know, but Christ. I’m almost three decades old. THREE.

whaaat minion

I don’t think it’s the number that’s bothering me, it’s that people my age and younger are doing things that I’m not. Getting engaged, married, impregnated, jobs with benefits. They’re traveling and buying houses. I’ve talked about this before and about the dirty mind games social media plays on you, but I’ve always been able to see it, process it and move on. This time I can’t seem to move on.

I know that I can also do all those things  but how am I going to do them with no opportunity? If I can’t get a date, how am I supposed to get engaged? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m going to marry every guy I see. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not holding out hope for a chance meeting with the love of my life. i watch way too many hallmark movies.

Same goes for traveling and buying things like a house. How am I supposed to do that if I don’t have the money? Last time I checked, my last name wasn’t Carnegie or Rockefeller. god, I wish.

My other gripe of the moment is The Mindy Project. I’m not feeling the second half of this season and it’s making me sad. It’s cool that she’s a single mom trying to date, but if you wanted her to still be a single girl about town, why did you make her a mom? Having Leo ties her to Danny, who has been noticeably absent most of the second half (other projects, indie films, blah, blah, blah), and forces her to be a little more mature and selfless. The reason I loved Dr. Lahiri is that she was totally self-centered and slightly immature. And call me a prude, but has being on Hulu made the show a bit more raunchy? Like, maybe more than necessary? I dunno. I love a good dirty joke and can out curse a sailor, but doesn’t it feel a bit forced? 

Do you ever get in to one of these funks? 

Let’s discuss!

 

single gal speaks: OKStupid

I am so glad I have a blog so that moments like the one I’m about to tell you won’t get lost in the cesspool of Facebook and so that I can rant and rave to my heart’s content and then (hopefully) incorporate the public at large into my conversation. I watch a lot of YouTube and read a lot of blogs and often wonder why everyone in the entire world doesn’t have one or the other. Then I realized what a nightmare that would be.

before i really get rolling, my easter was great; filled with family, food and the cutest little jellybean who celebrated for the first time. how was your holiday?

As evidenced in my last post, I’m not a stranger to the world of online dating. I’ve complained written about it here numerous times. It’s been, amongst other things, an all around funny, discouraging, and hopeful expericence. But listen to this shit.

On my way to Easter dinner on Sunday, I got a notification from OKCupid that I had recieved a message. There was traffic, as usual, so I figured I’d check it out. This is what I saw.

okcupid

Ummm..

anigif_enhanced-18126-1403275452-6

I was feeling sassy, so I wrote back.

okcupid2

Honestly, I get a lot of comments on my weight on OKCupid, usually inappropriate in nature, so I ignore them. i’m not a fetish. I don’t know what made me answer. I just think my brain went to “that was just unnecessary”. And on this, the day of my Savior’s ascension. #rude.

He wasn’t feeling my sassiness, so here’s his response.

okcupid3

Rocky J. Squirrel – I don’t need your “admiration” for putting myself on OKCupid, or any dating website, for that matter. I’ve never had a problem putting myself out there on dating websites, FYI. Did you expect me to thank you profusely and plead that we meet? Like you’re doing me a huge favor. What made you think it was OK to open with a line like that? You couldn’t have just said hello and introduced yourself? Then to get mad at me for not putting up with your shit? How am I supposed to know your level of sarcasm? If you found it necessary and appropriate to leave me a message about being “a very big person” on a website like this, don’t you think other people have had things to say? Things more along the lines of your second message? Which wasn’t so nice. Word to the wise, Rock, don’t open with a comment on someones looks. Unless it’s in person and you’re commenting how beautiful their eyes are. Which I have, by the way. BIG, BEAUTIFUL green eyes.

Did I jump the gun? I really don’t know. I’m probably taking it too far, but as I’ve had a little time to think about it, the question that keeps popping into my head is “Don’t I deserve love?” Comments like Rocky’s up there make me feel like people genuinely think it’s not OK for fat people to find love. Like it’s all a big joke. Like it’s OK to make assumptions, and comments without realizing or caring that there’s a real person on the recieving end of your message. I wrote about this on another one of my long forgotten blogs. It was when that Marie Claire article came out and the writer was talking about how she hated seeing fat people in love on TV and fat people in general. I think I’m getting a little off track here so I’ll just insert the relevant part of the post here:

Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize obese (or whatever word you prefer here) people don’t have feelings. My mistake. I must have been dreaming when I have meltdowns in the dressing room. I must have imagined feeling left out when I went shopping with friends and family who are skinnier than me. On the other side of the coin, I must have been wrong for being proud of myself when I received my college diploma. I probably shouldn’t get nervous or excited when possible employers start to call me for interviews for my first real big girl job. Above all, as the article points out I don’t have the right be to loved, or to be intimate (which doesn’t necessarily mean sex.) You’re right, only skinny people should feel these things.

Here’s the link, for a little more background/clarification.

I probably could have broken this blog into two; a funny one about Rocky J and then a more serious one about body image and the internet, but my thoughts got jumbled because I didn’t realize how strongly I felt. As much as I don’t care what people have to say about my body and how it is larger than perferred, it bothers me. Then it bothers me that I’m bothered. It’s a vicious circle.

I just know what I have to offer and my body type should have absolutely nothing to do with it. I’m funny and pretty and smart because I’m funny and pretty and smart. It’s really that simple. If you don’t want to give me a shot, it’s your loss.

harry-styles-shrug

Harry loves me for me and that’s all that matters.

oh god. i hope i’m not coming off as conceited because believe me, it’s taking alot for me to keep “pretty” in there. i never refer to myself as pretty. maybe it’s some leftover sassiness, maybe i’m just growing up and realizing that it’s time to stop being so hard on myself. whatever it is, pretty is staying. 

Tell me what you think!

signature

single gal speaks: BUMBLE

Bumble has finally made it to the Google Play store. Bumble, if you aren’t aware, is yet another one of those right swipe/left swipe dating apps. Except, after you make a match, the GIRL has 24 hours to start a conversation with the guy or else he disappears forever. Kinda love the idea, kinda hate it. Anyway, I downloaded it and, of course, have had some thoughts about it that I am going to share with you right now.

I wonder if Bumble is ready for Android yet. Or do I? Maybe I should just leave it alone.
Let me just check.
Oh, look. There it is. Should I download it?
Nah.
Maybe I should just try it. I could just delete it if it’s terrible.
I hope I have enough space on my phone. I’m not deleting any selfies for this.
Here goes nothing.
Ok, it downloaded and no selfies were sacrificed.
Sign in with Facebook? Oh heeeeell no.
What’s this fine print?
“We won’t post anything to Facebook.”

tumblr_m87hkv1BjJ1qm0u0ao1_500
Oh. Well, in that case I might as well do it this way so I don’t have to remember yet another password. Don’t make me regret this, Bumble.
OK. Remember Martina – LEFT is no and RIGHT is yes.
Woah. How ya doin’, hot stuff?
SWIPE
This guy is cute too
SWIPE
This guy went to NYU? Eye AND brain candy? YASSS.

giphy (13)
This is ridiculous. Every single guy I’ve seen is good looking, educated and have great jobs at great companies. Maybe they should rename the app Unicorn because this can’t be real life. What’s the catch?
Aaaand there it is. I went to high school with this guy. no thank you
LEFT SWIPE

And so on and so forth.

Bottom line on Bumble: The guys are good looking. REALLY good looking. Frankly, I was a little intimidated to right swipe because the fear of rejection was strong. Not just on a looks basis, but on an all around basis. I’m a great catch, but you have to meet me to find that out. They’re all pretty much “perfect on paper”, if you know what I mean.

If you were wondering, I did make a match and I did start the conversation. I did not, however, get a response. I mean, whatever; it comes with the territory, I guess. They also allow you to use GIFs, which gets an A+ in my book. on a side note, too much with the GIF? whatever. i just love a good GIF.

bumble

Have you tried Bumble? What are your thoughts?

Let’s discuss!signature

this is what happens when writer’s block creeps in…

Let me first state for the record, that I have mentally written at least 4 posts. The problem was that I never physically wrote them down or typed them out so all of that brain energy and brilliance was wasted and now you’re stuck reading this. My other excuse is that I had a post brewing about how I heard that people have been making a big stink over Nikki Minaj’s Anaconda and Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass, and how it’s unfair that they shame skinny girls in their songs. The problem I came across was that when I went to find the direct quote, I couldn’t find it. I KNOW I HEARD IT. I was in the car with Nicole and Lisa and someone on the radio said it. I couldn’t think of anything to say but, “it’s not the same. it’s just not the same.” Because it isn’t. I’ll go into further detail when I have all of my facts behind me. Wait for it.

Also, my social life has picked up. Mindy and Danny are back and we have plans every Tuesday night at 9:30. If you aren’t watching The Mindy Project, you should. Then we could talk about how adorable Drs. Castellahiri are. Mindanny: The New Lucy and Ricky.

Since I don’t have written record of any of the posts in my head, and since my mind has been like a sieve lately, I’ve had to start from scratch. Inspiration has not come very easily the last few days but all I can do is think about writing. Today at work I went on to Pinterest and tried to find some writing prompts that might get things moving. I felt like Blanche Devereaux when she was writing the great American novel and she was complaining to the girls about having writer’s block.

Blanche: Oh girls, I have writer’s block! It’s the worst feeling in the world!

Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

Blanche: You just sit there. Hour, after hour, after hour.

Sophia: Tell me about it.

I tried to find a .gif of that conversation to make this post a little more visually appealing but the internet has failed me tonight. I could have just made one myself but let’s not get crazy.

Anyway, somewhere between handing out gym equipment and searching Pinterest I decided to check out what was going on in the OKCupid world. If you know anything about OKCupid, you should know that even if your finger accidentally taps the godforsaken app you will get notifications about people wanting to meet you the next two weeks. I was looking through the list of people who have visited my profile and clicked on someone who seemed interesting. I hate making the first move, online or otherwise, so I just closed the app and moved on. I had things to do- basketballs don’t hand themselves out, you know. All of a sudden, my phone vibrates signaling that I have a message. I won’t lie sometimes getting messages on OKCupid is fun, mostly because you never know what to expect.  Who will it be this time? A repeat offender who has said “hi” (or some variation of) 6 times in two weeks?, the guy who looks good in the thumbnail but when you click on his picture he looks a little… off?, or maybe the guy whose profile is written in English but you can’t understand any of it  (“i lykke lawng wawks on daaa beechhh” – umm… i’m sorry to hear that?). I clicked on the message and well, this is something you need to see.

 

I always thought my eyes were my best feature.. guess not.

I always thought my eyes were my best feature.. guess not.

I’m still laughing.

In all seriousness, I just wanted to put something up to show that I’m still here! And with the help of Pinterest – it’s a magical place- I should be here more often. Lucky you.

signature

%d bloggers like this: