blogging

me too.

If you checked social media today, you probably saw people talking about the #metoo movement. Started by Alyssa Milano in response to the Harvey Weinstein scandal, it gives women an opportunity to share their stories about sexual harassment/assault. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

I didn’t want to post a “me too” status on Facebook because I don’t consider myself a survivor or even a victim because, thankfully, I was able to bob and weave and totally avoid a situation. I felt like a bandwagoner.

I still wanted to share my story because although short and small, women go through things like this every day. And the shit needs to stop.

When I worked at the vet’s office, there was a guy who worked in the back. Cleans the kennels, cleaned up accidents, walked the boarders, etc. We’ll call him Homer.

Part of my job was to take the charts of the incoming patients to the back so that the doctor knew who was next. I had to pass through the x-ray room, which also had the washing machine, a sink, and the tub where we the animals were bathed. If someone was standing at the washing machine, sink, or at the x-ray table, it was kind of a tight squeeze to get past each other.

And if we’re being honest, I’m a big girl so I would try to avoid having to go through there when someone else was coming through because I always felt like I was squishing them. #bodyissues.

Anyway, I don’t remember how long I had been working there the first time this happened, but one time, I was trying to get past Homer to get through to the other room and as I passed, our butts unavoidably touched and I felt like he pushed his harder into mine.

“Hmm. There must be less room to pass than I thought.” “Am I really that big?” ran through my head.

It happened a few more times, but by now I knew/was realizing that there was enough room to pass and no, I wasn’t that big.

I tried to keep it cordial but I was hyper-aware of Homer. I’m always giving little smiles or little looks of “I don’t want to be here either” just to form a bit of camaraderie with my co-workers. And because I like to smile and make faces. I started to check myself before I gave Homer a little smile or look because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. I also started to make sure someone, usually the doctor’s  right-hand man, was always nearby, if not in the same room. I didn’t feel like this about any of the other vet techs/ kennel guys so, red flag.

For a while, I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t feel victimized. A little uneasy, yea but not in clear and present danger. Finally, it was happening too much for my liking and I also didn’t need another reason to hate this job. I told my mom what was going on. I asked if I was overreacting because it was never more than him getting too close when I passed. I also admitted that I had started doing it back just to see if it was 1) in my head, 2) a form of aggression. Like, if I gave it right back, maybe he would stop? I don’t know. She told me that no, I wasn’t overreacting and if it kept up, to talk to the doctor about it.

I was nervous to tell the doctor because although I don’t think he would have dismissed me, I don’t know if anything would be immediately done. I’ve heard Homer and the doctor fight before and let me tell you, it gets LOUD. Not that I cared if they screamed at each other, even if it was my fault. If you’re getting that defensive, it usually means you’re guilty of something, right? I was also worried that if the doctor confronted him for me, he would get mad and do something else/worse to me.

About 2 weeks after I told my mom what was going on, I got a new job (my current job) so I made the break and never said anything. I feel like I did the other receptionist and the intern (the only other women who work there) a disservice so for that I feel bad. I have a feeling though that they didn’t have the same experience I did because even though I didn’t know them for a long time, they both seemed the type to nip that situation in the bud.

So, that’s my story.

I often wonder what would have happened if I never got a new job. Would he have persisted? Would it have just stopped? Gotten worse? What if the doctor DID dismiss me? I’m really not sure and very relieved that I didn’t have to find out. Some women can’t get out so easy. No one should have to worry about this. Or feel like they won’t be believed.

It HAS to stop.

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fall feelings

In case you missed the memo, it’s finally October. Except it’s 80 degrees and humid here in Brooklyn so that Fall feeling isn’t really happening. However, I came across this festive Fall survey over on Nadine’s blog (who found it here)and even though I’m tardy to the link up party, I’m going to do it anyway because I can’t resist.

TBB asks fall

Favorite Fall Sweet Treat? 

hmm.. apple cider donuts. good ones though because sometimes they could be dry. i like the ones with the cinnamon sugar on them, sometimes they’ll throw some apple bits in too. my mouth is watering.

Red, Yellow or Green Apples?

RED. like my home girl Snow White, i can’t resist a perfect red apple. just hold the poison, thanks.


Favorite Fall Sport to Play?

NEXT QUESTION.


Best Drink for Fall?

apple cider. it’s so versatile. you can have it iced/cold, hot, or alcoholic.giphy (7)


Favorite Fall Activity?

i would love to say apple/pumpkin picking but i haven’t been in years. i would also say watching football, but again, that hasn’t happened for me in forever. so, who knows.


Must have Fall purchase?

cardigans, boots, leggings, skinny jeans, BLANKET SCARVES.


Pumpkins: Pick your own or store bought?

pick my own. i just feel like there are some things you shouldn’t just throw on a grocery shopping list. 

Real or Fake Pumpkin?

REAL.


Favorite Halloween Costume?

i just had this conversation with my mom. as a kid, i went as “my mom” where i put curlers in my hair, a nightshirt and pajama pants, a robe and carried a coffee mug. that was a big hit, except my mother has never walked around in curlers and a robe a day in her life so, semantics? i was also a phone. there should be pictures somewhere on here from last year’s halloween post. if not, picture a Zach Morris cellphone with my face where your ear would go. also, it rang. surprisingly, i was never bullied.

more recently, i was a martini, which was one of my favorites. this year i was thinking of going as 90’s mom on vacation, complete with a fanny pack and scrunchie but some other parts of the costume i was building in my head don’t easily come in my size (a neon windbreaker, acid wash jeans) so i bought a headband with a crown on it from the dollar section at target and voila, i’m a princess.


College Football or NFL?

NFL. go Giants!


Fall or Halloween Decor?

Fall, unless it’s cute halloween and not scary halloween.


Raking Leaves or no Leaves to Rake?

we have leaves but we don’t rake them. we sweep them up along with the acorns the squirrels throw at us. i’ll pretend like i do this on a regular any kind of basis, but i’d be lying.

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Favorite Soup?

all of them. loaded potato, autumn squash from panera, clam chowder, lobster bisque, french onion, minestrone. yum


Favorite Fall Candle scent?

specifically, i like Leaves from bath and body works and home sweet home from yankee candle. in general, i like spicy scents for Fall.


Love or Hate Pumpkin Spice?

i’ve grown away from it. i like a nice pumpkin spice frappuccino once in a blue moon, but i’m more of an apple kind of girl.


Short Booties or Tall boots?

both. i’m actually on the hunt for short, black booties, so if anyone knows where i can find some in a very wide width, let me know!


Favorite Halloween Candy?

reeses and almond joy. i love the fun size bars of basically any kind of chocolate.

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PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte): YES or NO?

very, very very occasionally.


Hayride or Corn Maze?

have you ever seen the episode of impractical jokers where Sal’s punishment is a “haunted” corn maze and they strap a camera to his chest so they can capture his every expression and he freaks out over everything (as usual)? that’s me. so i’m going to go with a non-haunted hayride.

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Favorite Fall TV Show?

oh man, you know how I feel about TV. This Is Us, The Little Couple, Jane the Virgin, The Good Place, Bob’s Burgers, The Mindy Project, Grey’s Anatomy, How To Get Away With Murder, Chrisley Knows Best.

There’s just so many.

What are some of your favorite Fall things? If you do this survey, leave me a comment or let me know on Facebook or Instagram so I can read your answers!

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rant and ramble: a possible case of stockholm syndrome

I’ve been at my new job for a month now and I never thought I’d say this there are things I miss about my old one(s).

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I know, so crazy. Especially after all of the blog posts I’ve written, both in my head and on here, all the tears I’ve shed over shitty situations, letters of complaint I’ve threatened to write, here I am missing the place.

Stockholm Syndrome, anyone?

Seriously though, I guess it wasn’t all bad. Like at most jobs, some days were better than others, some people were easier to deal with but all that mattered was that at the end of every other week, there was a paycheck with my name on it.

It’s taking some time to wrap my head around the fact that I don’t work at the Student Center anymore. I don’t have to go there unless I want to, I won’t see my co-workers unless we bump into each other randomly, like at CVS (we live close to each other, it can happen). Funnily enough, I am totally adjusted to the fact that I never have to be behind the desk at the veterinarian’s office ever again. I guess I was more unhappy there than even I realized.

This post is probably a little more for my sake than anyone else’s since I haven’t written in a private journal in years. I wanted to start one again but then I started this blog. So even though there are things that I would want to talk about publically, this will have to do for now. Basically, this is mainly for posterity’s sake.I’ve never left one job for another before. Anyway, I digress.

stop circling the drain, martina. get on with it.

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#sorrynotsorry

I miss…

popcorn parties – we had a real popcorn machine for events like movie night. it went unused for a while, but someone bought fresh kernels finally and then it seemed foolish to not use them. Once we popped, we couldn’t stop, especially when my boss wasn’t there.

rapport/talking – don’t get me wrong, we talk at my new job, but no one knows me. we’re a very small office and the people who I work with have been there forever so they know each other very well. I miss having that with my co-workers. It’s weird to work somewhere where no one knows me. My parents also worked at Downstate (that’s where they met!) for a long time so there were some people who knew me since before I was born. Also, there’s very little chatter. Everyone is doing their job. That’s cool, seeing as we’re at work, but can we take a minute to discuss what is in the water over at the Kardashian Kompound and who’s next?

flow of people – at the Student Center (and at the vet’s office, obviously) there was a constant flow of people. I saw hundreds of faces a day. I talked to them, shared a smile, a helping hand. That’s not the case here. It’s refreshing, but not ideal. I love having the phone ring and having it not be someone trying to push their way into a full appointment book, or not having it be someone asking me to do something they are more than capable of doing. The phone doesn’t ring much, but when it does, it’s usually my boss looking for the office manager, which thankfully, is not me.

music – it was a knife through the heart when I asked if I could play music to help me stay focused (and awake) and was told no because the boss and his wife don’t want it on. My desk phone somehow has a radio on it so at least I have the oldies (who now play Backstreet Boys, #geezlouise) station. It’s really not the biggest of deals, but right now I have a lot of down time so it would be nice to chill out with a little Ed Sheeran or Bruno Mars or, when I really need a pick me up, some Disney.

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my phone – i’m not really allowed to have my phone out, which is a blessing and a curse. First, I don’t have the WiFi password (I’m not even sure if there is WiFi) and I’m not trying to use all of my data. Second, I think we all could use a few hours of a phone detox. However, I miss scrolling. I miss my quick, but plentiful Instagram breaks #instabreak. I can sneak a peek if I don;t have work in front of me, but I don’t want the temptation of it becoming an issue. My boss was adamant about it when I first met him, so best to not step on any toes right now.

dressing up – my new job is suuuuuuper casual. Like, so casual that my makeup routine has turned into (lots of) mascara and some eyeliner. PERIOD. I’m not complaining because it leaves more time for other morning routines, like praying I hit the Mega and then remembering I never bought a ticket. Could I glam myself up every so often? Sure, but honestly, this job doesn’t call for a (light)smokey eye or a bold lip. Even a sweater dress is a little much. I just bought a black tutu (for God knows what reason) so, I guess my weekends just got a little more upscale.

I don’t have a title for this paragraph but I wanted to add, as if I haven’t said it 95863 times already, I miss my co-workers. Specifically, the ones who worked at the desk with me. They really got me through some tough times, both personally and professionally. They were there for the good ones too. We shared laughs, complaints and lots of cake. I miss the gossip. I’m a feen for that stuff and love the juicy deets. There seems to be a ton yet none at my new job. I find myself thinking about what could be going on over at the Student Center often. I keep thinking that my week is still split between two jobs and that I’ll see everyone soon. It’s a process. I’m working through it. Circling back on a related note, I miss the people I got used to seeing all the time. Downstate students and employees, former students, some of who worked with us. I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of them (it would be impossible) and I kind of wish there was a way I could have.

I don’t miss

being asked to do things that were specifically given to someone else and them taking credit for them.

the public (specifically the people who think it’s right/ fair/ not an issue to speak to the receptionist at their veterinarian’s office like they’re dumb/a piece of shit.)

not having set hours/ getting taken advantage of

not getting paid for taking a day off

working weekends

having to find coverage for my shift

not having the internet

not having my own desk

not having functioning heat/AC

misogynistic asshole managers

being spoken to in general like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

feeling like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

not feeling appreciated

not feeling like I can’t do anything right

doing grunt work (i’ll happily file papers, alphabetize things, cut ribbons, etc. but why would i be asked to clean the bars you put weights on because they’re rusty and filthy, in front of a room full of men, when you know they’re too heavy/awkward to carry out so that I can accomplish this without it looking highly inappropriate, if you catch my drift, when we have a staff of (male)cleaners that could do it. I don’t mind working, but don’t give me busy work just ’cause. or because my being there needs to be “justified”)

speaking of… being told my being at work needed to be “justified” and then not having anything for me to do.

being asked “what are you working on?” and when I answer nothing right now, being asked to do 16 things you, as the assistant director, were supposed to have done already or being asked to do something you, as a man, should do yourself and not ask me, as a woman, to do. (I’m all for equality – 100%, here for it. But, when a man tells a woman to do *insert task that i have now forgotten what was barked at me* and then says, not sarcastically, might I add, “are you able to do that? just get it done” (AND THINK THAT THAT’S OK) he can, quite frankly, go fuck himself do it himself, amirite?

Clearly, I have/had a few issues. Listen, working, in general, isn’t ideal. I really like my new job, but see how fast I’m out of there if I hit the Mega. It’s just nice to get up and not want to go to work because it’s work or it’s Monday or whatever and not because there’s a pit of dread in your stomach because you don’t know what to expect for the day. Or because you just don’t want have to deal with the bullshit. Maybe it will come to that. Maybe not. Right now I’m content. Now if only my love life could catch up.

GOD BLESS.

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weekend update: oldest bridesmaid, reporting for duty.

Helloooo! It’s Tuesday, which means I’m finally getting around to writing my weekend update post. I have no excuse as to why it was late again except that I’m old and needed to recover.

I had off on Thursday because of Rosh Hashana (sidenote: september is officially my new favorite month. i get off for labor day and two Jewish holidays, so long as they fall on a weekday. amazing.) so I took that opportunity to get my nails done for my cousin’s wedding on Saturday. I’ll just consider that the start of wedding weekend.

Friday I went back to work and the day dragged unbelievably. Like last week, I can’t remember what happened Friday night. I had tentative plans with Lisa and Jessica but we decided to reschedule, so I assume it was spent on the couch.

Saturday was the big day. I was up bright and early to go with Desiree to get our hair and makeup done and then head over to my aunt’s house for pictures. Honestly, this is my favorite part of weddings. Walking into a salon looking like what the cat dragged in and walking out looking like the cat’s pajamas.

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After we were painted and pinned, we headed off to Queens to get dressed and take pictures with the bride and her other bridesmaids. There was also talk of bagels and mimosas and we all know how I feel about both of those things.

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The rest of the girls got to the house and we were finally ready to get dressed and take some pictures. Let me tell you, I can’t wait to look at every single picture from that day. The photographer(s) were amazing.

Speaking of amazing, look at my cousin.

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I guess that I should explain that Jill is very plain Jane. We joke that her favorite color is beige. She’s not into frills and frou-frou. Doesn’t gravitate towards bling. A little weird, if you ask me. When she walked out I was floored. Maybe I’m biased (I’m not), but isn’t she stunning?

We took about 86386 more pictures and then we piled into the limo and were on our way to the venue.

Speaking of pictures, I have to note, because this is a big deal for me, this is the first time that I’ve been to a big event and 90% of the pictures I took were on my phone. I had my mom bring my little point and shoot camera so that she could take some pictures of the ceremony and so that I had it for the reception but it died right after we were announced. So, not ideal, but thankfully, it’s 2017 and phone cameras don’t (totally) suck.

At the venue, we took even more pictures (I was in my glory, don’t let me fool you) and then the bride and groom did their first look. I used to think it was cheesy, but I’ve warmed up to it. Except then I think of when Will and Kate got married and Harry snuck a peek at Kate walking down the aisle, and he said to Will, “wait till you see her”, and I kind of love that even more.

 

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ugh. amirite?

Finally, FINALLY it was time for these two crazy kids to tie the knot.

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My mother didn’t do the best job at documenting so this is all I’m working with.

I don’t have to tell you what happens after the bride and groom are pronounced husband and wife, right? EVERYBODY GETS TO EAT. GOD BLESS.

We ate, we drank (boy, did we draank) and we danced like maniacs. There was a particularly rousing rendition of “I Want It That Way” that is still giving me life. There was a Disney montage, that caused me to scream across the room at the bride that this was the best wedding ever!

I’m a real gem.

Oh yea, and I caught the bouquet.

(no pictures, yet. i’ll have to troll facebook)

This is going to be some wedding video.

I’ll end it here and leave you with a few more pictures of me and my favorite nutjobs.

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Sunday I came home, took my hair down, a nap and many Advil. And this my friends, is how the oldest bridesmaid ends her wedding weekend.

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weekend update: meeting Fearless Girl and riding a fish.

Happy Monday, friends!

*let’s all ignore that it’s actually tuesday.*

Since I finally stopped working the weekend (I know this comes up in every post but it still feels new and good. #honeymoonstage), I’ve been pretty busy. I haven’t written about any of it because my time management skills are garbage and I can’t seem to get a weekend update post before Friday.

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This past weekend I was able to finally just be on my own time and do my own thing, which was a whole lot of nothing. And it was marvelous.

I honestly can’t remember what I did on Friday. If I had to guess, I came home from work and had dinner with my mom. We sat on the couch and caught up on whatever’s on the DVR to make room for all the new things coming down the pike (is it me, or is the Fall television season taking forever to get here?). Then Nicole and I made it a stoop night since those will be coming to an end sooner than I personally want them to.

Saturday I hung out with my mom during the day. Later, Lisa and I headed to the city for an adventure Downtown. We went to the Seaglass Carousel in Battery Park. Actually, we started out at the San Gennaro feast in Little Italy, but it was super crowded, kind of humid and I was hungry with nowhere to eat (#crowds). All of this signaled that it was time to leave.

We hopped in an Uber and headed over to Battery Park. I’ve been wanting to ride this carousel for a while now. First of all, it’s really pretty. Second, I didn’t have to straddle a horse. Third, I could finally live my dream of living like Ariel, unda da sea, even for a few minutes.

to my family – i made sure to take selfies and document this ride to prove i actually went on. not only did i get on the carousel, i went on one of the fish that go up and down! beanie the benchwarmer is growing up!

After the ride, I was desperate for food. The thing about downtown Manhattan is that there isn’t much on the weekends. There’s either really expensive places or fast food. No thanks. We stopped by the bull near the Stock Exchange and, of course, took a picture with my protege, Fearless Girl.

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After wandering aimlessly, we wound up in the village, at our favorite taco place, The Taco Shop, where I wanted 5032486 beef barbacoa tacos but only ordered 3 and photographed 0. Trust me, they were amazing, as was the Diet Coke from the glass bottle. delicioso!

Before heading to the train, we walked over to Washington Square Park, which is always a good time. It does my slightly hippie, slightly bohemian, liberal heart good to sit and observe the goings-on.

Sunday was spent, surprise, surprise on the couch until dinner time. I went for what will probably be the last slice of pizza from L & B for the season. Fall, you’re lovely, but you came too fast and I’m not ready for you. No photos of that either, but I’m sure if you scroll through my instagram, you’ll find one, eventually.

I’ll include Monday on here, because why not? After work, I came home and had dinner and then went to pick up my bridesmaid’s dress for my cousin’s wedding on Saturday.

And that’s it. See you next week with wedding photos! If not next week, hopefully before their first anniversary.

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11 questions

Happy Labor Day, my friends! Speaking of labor, I have gotten through my first week of work and my new job unscathed, just in time for a nice Monday off. pro tip: start a new job as close to a holiday as possible, it really helps ease you in to the position.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a survey but, thanks to Mallory over at Mallory Can’t Even, I have one for you today! So everyone click over to her blog and say thank you. It’s the polite thing to do.

1. In baseball, each player gets a “walk up song” that plays on his way up to the plate. What song would you pick?

Well, it definitely wouldn’t be Put Me in Coach. It would have to be something distracting so that no one notices me sneaking away from the plate.

2. What’s the best thing that happened to you last weekend?

Since today is *technically* still the weekend, I’ll talk about the weekend that has already fully passed, which was my cousin’s bachelorette weekend in Ocean City, Maryland. We drove alot, we laughed alot, and, most importantly, we laughed ALOT. It was a really good time.

3. If you could have a starring role in any film already made, which movie would you pick?

I would take Reese Witherspoon’s character in This Means War so that I could change the ending and have her choose Tom Hardy over that foot head.. I mean Chris Pine.

4. What actor/actress would you have play you in a movie of your life?

If we’re going with a very loosely based version where what I really look like doesn’t matter, then Anna Kendrick. If we’re going with a truer to life version, where what I look like plays an integral part to the story, then Chrissy Metz (from This Is Us).

5. What is your favorite quote?

I don’t have just one, but the only one I can think of at this very moment is my instagram quote which is “she who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten.” I like it because, figuratively, the glitter could be anything. A warm smile, a positive thought, what have you. Literally, I would be the one to trail glitter through your home and every time you saw a small sparkle for the next 25 years, you’d be like “this bitch.” Case in point: I’m still hearing about how I stuffed my sweet 16 invitation envelopes with confetti and how big of a mess it was. *eyeroll*

7. What was your first concert?

Backstreet Boys 2010, Hammerstein Ballroom (best night ever)

7. What Internet website do you visit the most?

I’m going to say Facebook or maybe Youtube

8. Which of Snow White’s 7 dwarfs describes you the best and why?

I think I’m a mix of the seven, it just depends on the day. Sometimes it depends on the time of day.

9. If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?

Oh God, don’t do this to me. I would need so much, they’d probably have to start my last meal a week before the execution. My mom/grandma’s eggplant, pizza from L&B, a hot fudge and caramel sundae, roast beef and cheese, corn nuggets and an orangeade from Roll N Roaster, mozzarella sticks, the chocolate chip cookies and ice cold vanilla milk from Emeril’s Delmonicos, clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl, THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

10. What is the background of your computer?

11. What is a TV show/movie/book from your childhood that you remember, but no one else does when you bring it up in conversation?

Literally almost everything from my childhood. I was a peculiar child, I guess. Anything from the Disney channel so, The Torkelsons and it’s spin off Almost Home, Flash Forward, Ready or Not, Even Stevens. Some of the shows from Nickelodeon like Wild and Crazy Kids or What Would You Do. As far as movies, Shelley Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theater (please, PLEASE tell me someone else watched these), Canon Tales fairy tales – Snow White and Sleeping Beauty in particular. The (animated) Flintstone movies where Pebbles and Bam Bam get married and have children, The Worst Witch movie. I’m telling you, I was a little off kilter.

And there you have it. Have a great, relaxing day off!

the end of an era

And now, the end is near and so I face my final curtain…

By the time this goes up, I am one hour in to my last day ever as a Student Assistant at SUNY Downstate Medical Center. I’m still processing.

I’ve bitched talked about this job many times on here. I was there for 12 years and at times it felt like I was there for 11 and a half years too long and sometimes I feel like I never want to leave. However, all things, good and bad must come to an end.

And that end is now.

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about it. First, my “work mom” was on vacation last week, when I gave my notice and will be back on my last day. This makes me sad. The thought of never having to drive over there again makes me so happy. Not seeing certain people (at least) twice a week makes me sad. Not seeing certain people (at least) twice a week makes me SO HAPPY.

My job at the veterinarian’s office came to an end on Sunday. My tenure as the (self-proclaimed) worst medical office receptionist is over. I have my weekends back. I won’t have to schedule another appointment for the rest of my life. I won’t have to answer the phone and hear someone whining that their dog hasn’t gone to the bathroom/eaten/blinked/barked in 5 days and they need to see the doctor RIGHT NOW (but then, when I finally give in, knowing I may get in trouble, they show up 45 mins later). The people were, for the most part, the absolute worst part of that job. And believe me, I’ve seen more dog shit, anal gland juice, and vomit than I’d like to think about. I won’t have to come home worried that I smell like animals/disinfectant. I AM JAZZED.

I feel like there’s a blog post about all of my experiences to be written, but it probably won’t be (to be quite honest). Tips on How to Not be an Insufferable Douche in the Workplace, perhaps? Or The Office is Extremely Busy, Give the Receptionist a Break. Maybe, we’ll see.

I really like my new job, so far. I like the people I work with. I have a desk (!) and my own computer (!!). I don’t have much any privacy and it’s been made pretty clear that the internet is for lunchtime use only and I’m afraid to sneak on for a prolonged amount of time, (so no blogging time) but whatever, I’ll deal.  There are a few other little things that I’m a little meh about but I’m not going to harp on them. If they really start to bother me then I know it’s time to move on. I’ve been miserable for too long at work that I’m not putting up with it anymore. So, if it becomes a fight or flight situation, I’m flying.

I officially start on Monday, August 28th, which is the day after I get home from my cousin’s bachelorette party (eek.). I’ll tell ya, this turning thirty, there’s definitely something to it. #magic.

photo dump: world photography day

Your eyes are not deceiving you, I’m actually posting on a Saturday! It’s a special Saturday because it’s also World Photography Day. Being that I am a true professional*, I would love to share some of my favorites to the masses**

*totally not a professional

**all 5 of you

I’ve posted most (all, probably) of these in previous posts but let me have this.

Obviously, some are more edited than others, some are straighter than others, some are overall better than others, but they all make me feel good. I could tell you a story about each one. I have, if you look hard enough, but I’m not going to do that right now. I haven’t been out with my camera probably since I was in California and I miss it. I have to get back on the horse and as soon as I do, I’ll be sure to inundate these pages with photo dumps. lucky ducks.

 

fangirl, full force

if you’ve been here for a while, you know that i have a problem with my inner fangirl. she’s fierce and strong-willed. she’s the elizabeth warren of fangirls. she’s also kind of annoying and obsessive. i love the bitch, but sometimes i don’t like her. anyway, she was out in FULL FORCE last week (8 days, but who’s counting?) because something happened that i still can’t believe happened.

NO, THIS IS NOT ABOUT HARRY STYLES.

so, i’ve mentioned before that i thoroughly enjoy the show impractical jokers. i also thoroughly enjoy sal for said show. sal also does stand up comedy and i got it in my head that there would be nothing better than to go to one of his shows. it’s hard to pin him down because he’s on tour with the other guys and he doesn’t always announce where he’s doing a show. long story short, lisa found out that he was going to be a judge at a roast.

there’s a weekly roastmasters show held at the stand comedy club in NYC. it’s where new/newish comics battle each other. then the judges who are more well known give a critique or have a comment or whatever. google it.

i rounded up the troops and made plans to get something to eat at the place, since it’s also a restaurant. not that i ate much because i was so nervous i literally had to remember to breathe.

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it wound up that lisa had to work that night so jessica and i went for dinner and nicole met us for the show. i sat where i could see the door and don’t ask me why because it made for very distracted conversation. all of a sudden, i look over and sal is outside.

WELL.

that was the end of me. i must have went sheet white and i turned to jessica with widened eyes and said “he’s here.” at that exact moment, i started to shake like a leaf.

LIKE A LEAF.

i’m going to be real for a hot second here. i have no idea why my body betrayed me like this. i was nauseous, i could almost not breathe and when i put my hand out in front of me, it was not still. IT WASN’T EVEN HARRY STYLES. i feel ridiculous even admitting this so keep your judgments to yourself.

he finally came into the restaurant/bar area and passed our table. i tried so hard to keep up the conversation i was having with jessica to seem as normal as possible. he went to the bar and was talking to someone over in that area. so now jess and i started to make a gameplan. “you’re going to have to say something to him, mar.” jess told me, matter of factly. “i can’t, jess! i’m shaking. this is no joke!” i frantically whispered. “well, then i don’t know how you’re going to do this.” jessica said in her best teacher voice. none of this was helped by lisa’s texts wanting updates.

he finally ended his convo at the bar and turned towards the door. he stopped to look at his phone at a counter directly behind our table.

“get up and go over to him NOW. RIGHT NOW” jessica demanded in an even better teacher voice.

“umm, uhh, ahhh.. i need to put my flash on. give me a second. jesus christ. ahhh. oh god.” i said as i got up and sat down twice. like a dog trying to find a comfy spot.

by now, he had walked away and my breathing got shallow again.  i was starting to freak that i had come so close and i missed my shot. as luck would have it, he needed another drink. he came back in and on his way out, i shot jess a WHAT DO I DO NOW? I NEED AN ADULT look and then i hear:

excuse me? sal?

yes?

hi, my friend martina is a fan and i was wondering if you would take a picture with her?

yea, sure.

sidenote: i had a whole conversation planned in my head if i ever met him where i was funny and adorable. where we would hit it off and i’d be moving to staten island to raise our kids and clean his underwear. maybe this is where my nerves are coming from? just a hunch.

me: yea, big fan.

like slingblade and rainman had a baby.

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i got up and almost tripped all over myself, posed with him and jessica took the picture. i have to note, for posterity’s sake and for the sake of the impractical jokers fans who may have stumbled over here, he smelled really good. not strong like cologne, as i expected, but clean like soap and fabric softener. he was also very soft, which kind of sounds weird, but that was my first thought “he smells good and he’s… soft.” I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THE JUDGMENT TO YOURSELF. so basically, even i don’t know if i meant soft in body or clothing, it doesn’t really matter. i’ll stop now. please God, don’t let him read this.

we thank him and he walks away. (“see you downstairs!” i call after him because i can’t just let things go, he gave me a slightly puzzled look but whatever, i’ll take it.) jessica takes a look at her handy work and starts hysterical laughing. “you’re gonna kill me” she chokes out. “why? did you delete it? did it not take?” my blood pressure rising. she couldn’t even get the words out. she turned my phone towards me and i saw this:

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at least HE looks good.

i was in shock. i didn’t know what to do. thankfully, my nerves had calmed down considerably but not enough.

“jesus jess, what am i going to do? i can’t ask him for another picture. i don’t want to be one of ‘those fans’.”

again, we brainstormed how to do this. we decided that since nicole wasn’t there yet and we thought he was outside, i would go out to meet nicole and have nicole ask for a picture.

i wasn’t thrilled by this because he had already seen me and spoke to jess. where is nicole coming from, you know?

to make another long story short, nicole got there and we waited to be let downstairs. sal was in and out of the bar area, as were the other comedians/judges. before we went down, the hostess must have noticed my issue and she told us to ask to be seated near the judges. unfortunately, that area was taken, but we were seated right across the stage from them. it worked because 1) sal was next to the stage and 2) the stage was maybe 4 feet across. the show started and we were all having a good time. the comedians roasting each other weren’t great, honestly. the judges, however, were on point. other than sal, there was big jay oakerson (hysterical), rich vos (v. funny), some other guy who one the roast once (sorry), and, eventually, michael che from SNL (late).

fast foward to the end of the show. the whole room got up and made a move for the door. i got frantic again and jess noticed so she said “don’t worry, he’s right there taking pictures” OK great, so there are other rabid fans down here. we walked over and waited for him to finish/my turn. the girl before me, i feel like i should mention, was a little… forward. she wanted him to dance for her on snapchat (like he does on IJ) and take selfies. enough.

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he seemed to refuse. after snapchat sally moved along, it was my turn and again, i wanted to be witty and personable and what came out was

“hi, um, my eyes were closed for the last one. do you mind?  *hand gesturing me and him taking another picture”

“no, sure” *puts arm out to pose again* me: still smells good, still soft*swoon*

both jessica and nicole on cue lift their cameras and start shooting.

and just like that our save the dates were done.

still trying out the no capitals thing. still unsure about it.

 

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commemorating thirty

how does someone who was pretty much mentally ready to turn 30, but still feels not adult enough to be 30, celebrate the event?

with a photo shoot, duh.

as we all know, a little less than a month ago, i turned 30. i pretty much had gotten over the whole “wahhh i’m not married, i don’t have kids, i’m single as a dollar bill, i hate my job(s), I’M NOT READY FOR THIS nonsense a while ago. However, i felt like I needed to do something frivolous and fun for myself to officially leave my twenties behind.

i searched all over the internet for a photographer who does session photography that wouldn’t cost me my first born. who knew that would be such a debacle? i must have looked at 100 photographer’s websites, facebook pages, and instagrams and the bottom line was unless you were getting married, newly engaged or becoming a parent, it was going to be very hard to find someone without emailing for pricing. i’m not against shooting off a quick email, i just didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

just when I was about to give up, i  was talking to my cousin’s wife and she was telling me that she has a friend that does all of their family photo shoots. i asked if she thought her friend would be interested in doing something like this and made sure i wouldn’t look like a creep if i sent her a facebook message. once she assured me that i wouldn’t look like a creep (which was my bigger concern over if she would be willing to even do this.), off to facebook i went.

i had a definite vision for this shoot because my mind is a pinterest board. i knew i wanted to incorporate balloons, glitter, confetti, and the brooklyn promenade. i wanted it to be fun and flirty. actually, what i told stephanie was i wanted it to be very sex and the city minus carrie because, quite frankly, she was annoying and i am not a fan. thankfully, stephanie was totally on board.

i wanted to have fun props to work with because i think they make these things fun. i found big, chunky glitter and a confetti popper at target. my inner martha stewart came out and i put together a “thirty for beginners” book. well, book cover.

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i went to target and found the binder, which was the perfect shade of pink. i headed over to the craft section and found the letters and hoped that they would fit. they did, thank martha.

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i met stephanie on the promenade and we immediately got started. she brought some great props as well so i was even more excited. i warned her that i suffer from resting bitch face and my nose gets a little hook-like and my feet stick out so just warn me and ill fix myself. i love being in front of the camera as much as i love being behind it, but this was totally out of my comfort zone. i had no idea what to do with my arms, how to smile, or more importantly, how to smeyes. i feel like i fell into the groove pretty quickly. once i got my face down pat, and the balloons started to cooperate, i started to worry less and less what i looked like and more about having fun.

after a few shots, we decided to incorporate the balloons so that we didn’t have to worry about the wind. admittedly, they were a pain in the neck but, to me, so worth it. i love balloons, especially in photo shoots. they’re fun and add an element of whimsy.

i thought i’d use my blue light blocking glasses to make myself more studious because i need to know all i can about being in my thirties. it’s a whole new decade! even though that’s an empty binder and i don’t really wear glasses. it’s all about the aesthetic.

next we tried with the glitter. i have always wanted to do a glitter photo shoot. throwing it, blowing it, whatever. the first few attempts were ok, but stay tuned for some really good glitter action.

we moved off the promenade to the surrounding brownstones. the brownstones were what i truly loved about going to school in that area. they are beautiful in every season, they have charm and tons of history. then there’s me loitering, blowing glitter all over them. #norespect.

we happened to spot a taxi cab waiting for a pick up a little ways down the block. i loooove taxis so when stephanie asked if i wanted to use it, i was so game. the driver was so nice and let us take a few shots near and in the car. the cab was from new jersey and i told him i need to stay on this side of the state line.

we found another stoop to sprinkle a little 30 dust on. i don’t think you’re ready for this magic.

we took a few more shots, including using the confetti popper and then called it a day.

if we could do this every week, i would. i had so much fun and i LOVED the outcome.

I’M READY FOR YOU, THIRTY. (even though, i’ve been thirty for almost a month already.)

*if you live in Brooklyn, or close enough, and need a photographer, go to stephanie’s instagram and send her a message!

**i’m trying out the whole not worrying about capitalizing thing. i’m not sure how i feel about it yet. my grammarly sure hates it though.

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