blogging

masters of lash

I’ve tried for a week to write this post but I’ve had a very hard time figuring out how to start it. I’ve been waiting for the stroke a genius to hit me, but quite frankly, I’m too excited to tell you guys about this so I’m just going to skip the cutesy intro and jump right in.

Before Christmas, I received an email from Esqido, a false lash company based in Canada. They asked if I would like to try some of their lashes and their glue. Not knowing anything about false lashes, I said “Sure! Send me some!”.

Esqido lashes aren’t your run of the mill falsies. They’re made from genuine mink hair. Which means they’re soft, light and not a harsh black. What really appealed to me was that the minks are not killed for their hair. It’s naturally sourced by brushing and shedding. I tried on a real fur coat once in my life and if I never do that again, it would be too soon.

The holidays happened, a bomb cyclone happened and then these lashes happened. I wanted to wait for the perfect time to try them out so, naturally, I did a full face of makeup to go to Target and for coffee with Nicole last weekend. I mean, it’s a new Target so it’s an event.

Before I show you my before and afters, let me introduce you to these beauties. my flat-lay game is improving if I do say so myself.

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These are BFF. I wanted a dramatic lash for the maybe one time a century I have something fun to do. These are nice and full but not overbearingly so. Or at least, I don’t think they’re overbearing. I haven’t tried these yet. A new Target is exciting, sure, but not va va voom lash exciting.

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These are Little Black Lash. These are perfect for everyday wear. They look so natural and add just the right amount of kick to your look.

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You know how regular lash glue smells like… fish? This one doesn’t. It’s latex free (which must be where that smell comes from) and has a brush applicator, which is great for precise glue placement.

I never, ever thought I’d ever have a need to post a super close up picture of my face so this is kind of freaking me out. ignore my freakishly large pores. Here are my natural lashes.

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As you can see, my lashes aren’t too shabby. As a matter of fact, with the right mascara (Essence False Lashes mascara – it’s less than $5!), I could get them to almost touch my eyebrows #humblebrag. But that’s not to say I don’t enjoy a full Kardashian lash.

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My left eye has the lash on it and the right doesn’t, for comparison. I guess I should mention that as unskilled as I am with applying lashes, I’m even more unskilled with eyeliner so I didn’t even try to put it on. I really don’t think these lashes need it. The band is thin enough that if you place it right, it blends nicely. I should also mention, I read/watched a few other reviews when I was waiting for them to arrive and everyone said they trimmed the lashes to fit their eye. I didn’t trim mine because I think my eye space is big enough to accommodate. Also, I was afraid to ruin them.

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I’m wearing Little Black Lash.

Right off the bat, I noticed they were a lot less annoying than regular lashes. Esquido lashes have a cotton band which makes them much easier to work with than the normal plastic band. Also, whenever I try to use normal lashes, I usually get them on and want to rip them right off. That didn’t happen with these. They don’t weigh your lid down, which I totally appreciate. It took me 3 tries to get the left one on and 4 tries for the right. For me, that’s pretty good. I also used a teeny tiny bit of the Tatcha cleansing oil to get some of the glue off inbetween tries.

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After Target, the walk back to the car was abnormally windy and cold. For a second, I thought I lost a lash, but when I checked in the car, they didn’t budge. I was fussing over them every so often, so I knew they were there and felt them a little on my eye. Like I said before, it wasn’t the normal, weighed down eyelid feeling. When I was paying attention to them, they felt almost tickly. When I finally let them just be, I realized that I didn’t feel them at all. I’d imagine that with some application practice, I could get them on, leave them alone and forget they’re there.

When I got home, I carefully peeled them off and put them back in the box. The only thing I didn’t like about the packaging was that it wasn’t labeled “left” and “right”. That may sound ridiculous, but sometimes I don’t pay attention. I’ve been known to put my shoes on the wrong feet, so imagine eyelashes. They’re good for about 25 uses, with the right care. That being said, they don’t come cheap. They run between $24-$96. An investment for sure, but one that’s well worth it. I would rather buy one pair of these than 5 pairs of the drugstore kind, for comfort alone. But that’s just me.

I am so glad I got to try out Esqido Mink Lashes. I’m in good company. Gigi Hadid and Karli Kloss were seen wearing them too. It’s like I’m an honorary member of Taylor Swift’s squad. #goals.

Esqido sent me these lashes for free in exchange for my honest opinion. I am not being financially compensated for this review. However, if you want to try these beauties out, click here and you’ll get $5 off your order (and so will I!)

What do you think? Worth a try?

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2017: the year that started halfway through

Last year I did a sort of year in review post and I thought I would put together another one because ’tis the season and all that jazz.

2017 was the year of 30.

Ready or not, it was coming.

In January I helped Lisa usher in her third decade of life, Nicole in May and Jessica in June. They helped me in July. We also celebrated our 25th year of friendship. I think that means we’ve been together longer than Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Take notes, amateurs.

April marked my 1 year anniversary of working at the vet and my 12 year and 4 months working at the Student Center. I was pretty miserable and didn’t know what to do to fix it. Little did I know what the next few months would bring. I also started a quickly forgotten segment on this blog called Do It Your Damn Self (DIYDS), where I take you step by step through the inane tasks I was given at work. The first tutorial was how to wrap a coffee mug.

While I was looking through my blog posts to link in this post, I realized that 1) I didn’t blog as much as I should could have and 2) I had written a 2017 wants/wishes post in early February. None of them came true. I’m still really pulling for a new version of We Didn’t Start the Fire and for the 90’s TV/movie streaming service. WHO CAN I SPEAK TO ABOUT THIS?

My year really kicked into full gear in June.

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June took me to California. *heart eye emoji* San Francisco quickly became one of my favorite cities that I’ve ever been to. I’m ready to go back, back to Cali, Cali so if anyone can get me across the country with a (nice) place to stay when I get there FOR FREE, let me know.

June also hit me with my first case of fat shaming by a medical professional. I only mention it because I blogged about it and if I blogged about it, it must have really bothered me (it did).

I spent the part of the first weekend in July pretending to be a brunette Carrie Bradshaw. I finally took the plunge and arranged a photo shoot for my 30th birthday. I had the best time and am itching to do it again. stephanie, if you’re reading, i’m so game to throw glitter on myself. i have a black tulle skirt that’s screaming to be photographed.

Smack dab in the middle of July I turned 30 and it wasn’t as scary as I imagined. It was actually kind of magical and I’m hoping that a bit of magic stays with me through this entire decade because I’ll tell ya, it was intoxicating.

I closed out July by celebrating my cousin at her bridal shower and by interviewing for my current job. Turns out, I didn’t blog about either. #bestbloggerever

August was another whirlwind month.

I met my current celebrity husband, Sal Vulcano. I’ll spare myself from any more embarrassment and I won’t post the horrendous picture (of me) that we took, but I’ll link the post here and leave you with this nugget: I purposefully tweeted the picture at him with a funny caption to no response. I JUST CAN’T LEAVE THINGS ALONE. Let my pride die in peace? NO WAY.

My parents threw me a lovely brunch for my birthday – a little late but a lot of fun. It had a little bit of everything that I love. My family, my closest friends, good food and tons of laughs. And cake. A really pretty cake. Amazingly, I didn’t blog about that either. i could have SWORN i did. ridiculous.

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I took the giant leap I’d been waiting 12 years and 8 months to take. I officially resigned from my job at the Student Center. There are still times that I can’t believe I don’t work there anymore. I also happily resigned from the vet’s office and while I wouldn’t close the door to going back to the Student Center/Downstate (if the timing, pay, people were right and every star in the sky aligned), I made sure the door to the vet’s office was closed, locked up tight with a chair wedged under the doorknob. god, i hated that job.

Before I started my new job at the end of August, I had one last hurrah in Ocean City, Maryland for my cousin’s beachlorette. I’m glad I had a hakuna matata kind of weekend right before I dove into my new position.

On one of my first free weekends in September, I rode a fish, much to my own surprise.

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September flew because before I knew it, I was fulfilling my duties as oldest bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding. Duties include – dancing like no one was watching (except the 2 cameramen she had walking around), singing to Backstreet Boys songs at the tippy top of my lungs, and catching the bouquet. Oh, what a night.

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After that, the year started to slow, yet speed up, as it usually does.

October gave me a very cool and very rare experience (for me) in finding a restaurant that shares my name. Totally beats a lousy keychain.

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Also in October, my favorite tiny human turned two.

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He wasn’t too jazzed about the whole process but I assured him that if I could turn 30, two was a breeze. We’re in this together.

Christmas came and that same tiny human reminded me of the magic of Christmas when I watched his face light up when Santa rode down the block on a fire engine on Christmas Eve. And also that the box is always more fun than the toy that comes in.

And here we are. I’m ready for the new adventures that 2018 and the rest of my 30th year have to offer. Let’s make it a good one!

Wishing everyone the happiest and healthiest new year!

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i’m more of a giver

Well, friends, we’ve reached that time after Christmas where every blogger, YouTuber, and humblebragger on social media is starting to share what they got for Christmas. Because I am more of a giver (and because I’m pre-writing this and Christmas hasn’t actually happened yet), I’m going to share a gift that I gave this year instead.

Earlier in the month, I received an email from the friendly people at Photowall. They asked if I would like to try one of their products. I saw that they offered canvas prints from your own photos and I knew my roommate mom has been wanting to get a few of my photos printed on canvas to hang in the house. to clarify – my photos meaning photos i’ve taken, not photos of me. even though both would be excellent additions to our walls.

I started a fact-finding mission to see which photo she would order first if she were to place an order. She chose one of my personal favorites so I was excited to get it ordered.

 

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i call this one my bestseller

 

The ordering process is really easy. You upload your photo, choose a size, make sure it gets cropped where you want it and then click the order button. The only thing I found was that the smallest size was 15 inches by 15 inches. It worked for me, but if you were looking for an 8×10, that’s not going to work and also, if you’re trying to use a picture from your phone, it might not be able to be blown up that big. Just something to consider.

I should also mention that if canvases aren’t your thing, they also offer wallpaper. I’m not cool enough for an accent wall, nor do I have the patience to hang wallpaper, but if I was/had more patience I’d take one of every design.And there’s alot of them. You could even have one of your photos made into wallpaper if that’s what floats your boat. I’ve already decorated my (imaginary) future children’s rooms. Every wall can be an accent wall, right? Thankfully, my (imaginary) future husband is handy and has the patience of a saint.

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for the blanche deveraux in your life.

Shipping was fast. Like, really fast. The company is based in Sweden and it took 3 days to get to my house. I’ve ordered things from Florida that took longer than that to get to me.

I also ordered the DIY frame kit because otherwise, it just comes as a rolled piece of canvas. I guess you can then frame it in a traditional frame, but then what’s the sense of canvas? Please tell me because I’m always looking for new ideas for displaying my photos. DIY sends a chill down my spine, but I figured go hard or go home.

bed photos. so profesh.

The wood frame has sticky pieces which gives the canvas something to hold on to so it could wrap. If I wasn’t doing this on my bed, I’m sure it would have taken about half the time it actually did. That being said, start to finish, the whole process took about 45 minutes and that’s with having to unstick the canvas and reposition it and having to unscrew the whole thing and reposition the corners. The best part? NO EXTRA TOOLS NEEDED. #praisebe.

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The canvas gets tighter as the frame comes together and you screw in the brackets. The whole process made me feel like Bob Villa.

And voila!

And I only broke one nail. But to be fair, I’ve been trying to grow them out after getting my powder gel removed so they aren’t in tip-top shape.

Now for the fun stuff – Photowall isn’t paying me for this post, but they did send me this goodness for free (don’t tell my mom!). They’re also giving me a coupon code so that YOU can get 20% off your order! Are you as excited as I am? Because you should be.

My (first ever!) coupon code is asplashofmimosacampaign2017. It expires on January 31, 2018, which gives you plenty of time to browse the site and place an order! (i don’t get any kickbacks if you make a purchase so no pressure! and even if i did, no pressure.)

If discounts weren’t cool enough, the company is super environmentally conscience and with every purchase, they work with VI Agroforestry to help plant trees in East Africa. It’s a win-win.

What’s the best gift you gave this year? Or ever?

Hope your holidays were filled with love, laughter and lots of cookies!

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four.

I try to make it a habit of checking my on this day on Facebook every day. Most times it makes me cringe and facepalm all over the place because 2009-2013 (give or take) Martina was a real gem. Sometimes though, something will pop up that will make me smile or genuinely laugh.

Today I was scrolling through and I came across this

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First of all, thank God I came across this because being the excellent blogger that I am, I never remember my blogiversary. So profesh. Second, FOUR YEARS! Commitment issues? No way, Jose! (that’s debatable). I remember trying so hard to customize it and make it look like a real, put together blog. I also remember thinking, “don’t go crazy, there’s a good chance you won’t last a year.” But then something amazing happened. I started to make friends. I started to have interaction. I loved to write, but I started to love it more. FOUR YEARS HAPPENED.

What I am in constant awe of with this blog is not that I stuck with it or that still, after four years, I go through the I really want to write, but I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE nonsense at least once a week, but that when I go back and look at old posts, they’re actually readable. I’ve said it numerous times before that sometimes I’ll look up an old post for whatever reason and before I know it, I’m down the rabbit hole of my own blog, screwing up the view counts and not believing I actually wrote them. Does that make me sound like a jerk?

I wish I were more frequent with posting. Making a schedule is just obviously not going to happen. I wish I had the patience to re-do this space. Just some updating; it’s driving me nuts. I wish I was better with commenting on other’s blogs because we all know it leads to more traffic to/interaction with your blog. On the other hand, if after four years, the things I wish I were better at around here have stayed constant, I’m calling it a win.

I have 33 minutes before it’s not today anymore so I’ll end this here.

4 years down, 4000 to go!

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weekend update: christmas shopping, light displays and historic houses

So, it’s Sunday night and I’m actually writing a weekend update post.

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Friday I took the day off of work so that I could uphold the tradition (and necessary evil) of going Christmas shopping with my mom, aunt, and cousins. When I say necessary evil, it’s the crowds and the pressure of getting it all done that I hate, not the company. The mall we went to had a huge Christmas tree in the middle and if anyone thought they would get out of taking a selfie in front of it while I was around, they were sadly mistaken.

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Saturday was tree day, where my mom picked out the best Christmas tree we’ve ever had. It’s tall and it’s fat. It’s like Rockefeller Center right there in my living room. The whole house smells like pine and I truly can’t understand how people can prefer fake ones. No judgment, it’s just once you go real, you know the deal. The decorating crew (my mom) hasn’t worked its magic yet but it will soon so keep checking my instagram to see it in all of its glory.

I also finally got my flu shot on Saturday because I think my father was convinced if I didn’t get it, the flu was coming for me and the strains are terrible this year, or so I’ve heard… repeatedly. It takes 2 weeks to take effect, but after that COME AT ME, FLU. I’M READY.

Saturday night, Nicole and I decided to brave the snow and take a ride over to Dyker Heights and see the lights. We couldn’t believe that there were actual tour buses parked just on the outskirts of the activity. I had heard the crowds were getting a little out of control, but I never expected designated tour bus parking areas. Anyway, we figured the snow might have kept people away, but obviously, that wasn’t the case. We did two blocks and decided to move on to another, lesser populated part of the neighborhood, whose lights are just as pretty.

I’ve shared pictures of the lights in Dyker Heights before but I’ve never gone in the snow, and I think it adds sort of a magical element. So if these look vaguely familiar, that’s why.

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I love a good light display.

Our neighborhood is home to the Lott House, which was built in the 1700’s and was rumored to have been a rest stop for George Washington at some point during the war. It was also believed to be a stop on the Underground Railroad. The house fell into disrepair somewhere in the 80’s when whoever was living there either moved or died. Finally, when I was in 7th or 8th grade, a historical society came in and started to clean up the place. That Christmas season, they did a tree lighting and invited the neighborhood into the house for a quick glimpse of a few rooms. I remember it being very dark because it was very early on into the restoration and they hadn’t done anything with the electricity yet. I remember they had set up some of the things they found in the house, like dolls and plates. I can’t confirm that they were from the time period that George Washington spent the night, but I like to think that they were.

For a while, they worked tirelessly to fix up the house and the land around it. In recent years, they’ve been holding events in the garden in the summer, they were selling tickets to see the inside of the house again during the Fall, and most recently, they had another tree lighting ceremony. I missed this one because 1) it was Friday and I was shopping and 2) I had a strong feeling that my crush from 7th grade wouldn’t be there, which was my main reason of going the first time. The magic was gone.

I took the opportunity of the snow, the dark and the absence of crowds to pass the house and get a picture of it with the tree.

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I’ve been wanting for years to write a post about the Lott House because, even if George Washington never stayed there, I still think it’s pretty cool that right here, in the middle of little old Marine Park, there’s a 300ish-year-old house that’s still standing and on its original plot of land (or some of it, at least). I keep (kept) meaning to go over and take a few pictures and then sit down and research it so I don’t sound like a blithering idiot, but none of that ever happened so consider this that post. In case I’ve piqued your interest, here’s a small article from Untapped Cities complete with a video showing some of the inside of the house.

Circling back from that tangent, my Sunday was spent reading, napping, and watching Netflix. I finished The Dollhouse by Fiona Davis. It’s a historical fiction about the Barbizon Hotel. I really enjoyed it and would definitely recommend.

And that’s all, folks!

 

What did you do this weekend? See any great light displays?

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keeping up with martina

*insert same sorry i’ve abandoned this space again greeting*

*insert next sentence about how i didn’t mean to be away this long but life got in the way and time just moves so fast when you’re an adult (or an “adult”)*

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I know I’ve been quiet here lately and the truth is, there’s lots of stuff I want to talk about but it’s hard to write when everytime you sit down to put fingers to keyboard, you wind up instead falling down some Youtube hole and then falling asleep with your laptop on your chest. To try to combat this, I’ve dusted removed all of the clean-ish clothes from “The Chair” (you know the one) and fired up my regular old desktop computer. It feels like 2014 and I kind of like it.

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It’s funny because unlike past disappearances, I DO have some ideas for posts. I just can’t seem to get myself into a routine. They’ll come. I think as long as my desktop doesn’t get any slower, the solution might be to kick it old school. At least I won’t fall asleep.

So, what have I been up to? What’s new and exciting?

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Um, I have purple hair now. Ok, purple ombre hair. I’m in love. I’m so scared it’s going to fade that I made a whole wash schedule and bought some high powered color safe sulfate free shampoo, conditioner, and treatment. I’ve gotten a glimpse of parenthood and it is exhausting. Every time I rinse and see the purple puddle near the drain, my heart breaks a little. Wanna see a pic? Like it or not, here it is.

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This is from when it was at its freshest. It looks best when it’s curled, otherwise, it looks flat on top, poofy at the bottom and 9.5 times out of 10, is super oily.

What else?

Taylor Swift released a new record and except for the 1:30 preview iTunes offers, I haven’t had a chance to give it a good listen. From what I have heard though, the songs all sound… the same? breathy Taylor, vague dance but can’t really dance to this song beat, autotune, meh. Maybe I just hold 1989 in too high regard? Maybe because I didn’t have high (or any) expectations, my brain can’t figure out if it likes what my ears are hearing. The other reasons I haven’t given it a running chance are 1) it’s not on Spotify. (what the heck, T?) 2) I’m not allowed to listen to my own music at work so even if it was streaming, it’s not like I have that option. There’s a part of me, a very, very small part, that wishes T would write about things that aren’t boys and feuds. However, what kind of world would it be of T. Swift didn’t write/sing about those things. Leave the battlecries to the pros, like Gaga or Pink.

Niall Horan also released an album that I haven’t had the chance to really dissect yet. I loved his first two singles and had high hopes for this album. Like, really high hopes. I thought this was the album I wished Harry Styles would have released. But then I listened to 85% of it and meh. I’m not sold. I need time to really sit down and bombard myself with both albums. That’s what I did when Bruno Mars and Ed Sheeran came out with new music and it made me really appreciate it.

Speaking of Spotify, really, quick, WHY CAN’T I DOWNLOAD MY PLAYLISTS ON TO MY iPOD? Yea, I still use my iPod, whatever. I’d rather use the storage on my phone for pictures and text messages so downloading music on m phone is just not going to happen. However, I have a perfectly good iPod that I haven’t updated in forever because why would I pay for the music I listen to for free on Spotify? Even if I paid for Premium, I can’t transfer my offline playlists into iTunes. They’re protected and don’t download as mP3 files, apparently. Whatever. Someone needs to get it together because I don’t want to use all of my data just to listen to a little One Direction.

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Yep!

I finally saw Wicked on Broadway last weekend. OH. MY. GOD. such a good show. First of all, Jackie Burns as Elphaba, was AMAZING. Her voice blew us all away. She sounded (to me) just like Idina Menzel (if not better), who originated the role. Second, there was some high-level star power on stage. From one O-Town to the next, Ashely Parker Angel (!). What a surprise! A boy band lover’s dream! I was looking at the Playbill over my cousin’s shoulder and I exclaimed OH EM GEE! Ashley Parker Angel is in this?! To which my (23-year-old cousin) replied, “Who? How do you know him?” I gave her a good *sideeyeemoji *and replied “I’m old, ok? That’s how I know who he is.” There was talk a few years ago that they were going to make Wicked into a movie and Harry Styles was being considered for the role of Fiyero and after seeing APA do it, I can’t wait to see if that comes true.

On a sad note, The Mindy Project’s run has come to an end. I haven’t really processed this and I’m sure come next Tuesday I’ll be looking for a new episode. I really liked the finale, can’t say I loved it though. I wish Leo would have been in it since Mindy fought Danny so hard that she can be a working mom but on top of that a good mom. I loved Morgan and Tamra’s wedding. So perf. I realize now (literally, as I write this) that Mindy and Danny’s story essentially came full circle, but do I wish it happened elsewhere? Yea, I kind of do. Like, maybe in her office. Also, the whole time Mindy was riding the bike, I kept thinking “I’m Saaaandra Bullock”. Missed opportunity, if you ask me (I get that circumstances were different, but… whatever).

There’s a new ULTA in my mall. So that’s.. dangerous. The mall is walking distance from my house. GOD BLESS.

I want to give this space a makeover. GIVE ME STRENGTH. Any way of doing this on the cheap and stress-free? Etsy? Google?

I think that’s it for now. You’re all caught up with my wild life. What’s going on with you? Thoughts about the Mindy finale?

I’ll be back soon, promise. For real this time.

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me too.

If you checked social media today, you probably saw people talking about the #metoo movement. Started by Alyssa Milano in response to the Harvey Weinstein scandal, it gives women an opportunity to share their stories about sexual harassment/assault. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

I didn’t want to post a “me too” status on Facebook because I don’t consider myself a survivor or even a victim because, thankfully, I was able to bob and weave and totally avoid a situation. I felt like a bandwagoner.

I still wanted to share my story because although short and small, women go through things like this every day. And the shit needs to stop.

When I worked at the vet’s office, there was a guy who worked in the back. Cleans the kennels, cleaned up accidents, walked the boarders, etc. We’ll call him Homer.

Part of my job was to take the charts of the incoming patients to the back so that the doctor knew who was next. I had to pass through the x-ray room, which also had the washing machine, a sink, and the tub where we the animals were bathed. If someone was standing at the washing machine, sink, or at the x-ray table, it was kind of a tight squeeze to get past each other.

And if we’re being honest, I’m a big girl so I would try to avoid having to go through there when someone else was coming through because I always felt like I was squishing them. #bodyissues.

Anyway, I don’t remember how long I had been working there the first time this happened, but one time, I was trying to get past Homer to get through to the other room and as I passed, our butts unavoidably touched and I felt like he pushed his harder into mine.

“Hmm. There must be less room to pass than I thought.” “Am I really that big?” ran through my head.

It happened a few more times, but by now I knew/was realizing that there was enough room to pass and no, I wasn’t that big.

I tried to keep it cordial but I was hyper-aware of Homer. I’m always giving little smiles or little looks of “I don’t want to be here either” just to form a bit of camaraderie with my co-workers. And because I like to smile and make faces. I started to check myself before I gave Homer a little smile or look because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. I also started to make sure someone, usually the doctor’s  right-hand man, was always nearby, if not in the same room. I didn’t feel like this about any of the other vet techs/ kennel guys so, red flag.

For a while, I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t feel victimized. A little uneasy, yea but not in clear and present danger. Finally, it was happening too much for my liking and I also didn’t need another reason to hate this job. I told my mom what was going on. I asked if I was overreacting because it was never more than him getting too close when I passed. I also admitted that I had started doing it back just to see if it was 1) in my head, 2) a form of aggression. Like, if I gave it right back, maybe he would stop? I don’t know. She told me that no, I wasn’t overreacting and if it kept up, to talk to the doctor about it.

I was nervous to tell the doctor because although I don’t think he would have dismissed me, I don’t know if anything would be immediately done. I’ve heard Homer and the doctor fight before and let me tell you, it gets LOUD. Not that I cared if they screamed at each other, even if it was my fault. If you’re getting that defensive, it usually means you’re guilty of something, right? I was also worried that if the doctor confronted him for me, he would get mad and do something else/worse to me.

About 2 weeks after I told my mom what was going on, I got a new job (my current job) so I made the break and never said anything. I feel like I did the other receptionist and the intern (the only other women who work there) a disservice so for that I feel bad. I have a feeling though that they didn’t have the same experience I did because even though I didn’t know them for a long time, they both seemed the type to nip that situation in the bud.

So, that’s my story.

I often wonder what would have happened if I never got a new job. Would he have persisted? Would it have just stopped? Gotten worse? What if the doctor DID dismiss me? I’m really not sure and very relieved that I didn’t have to find out. Some women can’t get out so easy. No one should have to worry about this. Or feel like they won’t be believed.

It HAS to stop.

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fall feelings

In case you missed the memo, it’s finally October. Except it’s 80 degrees and humid here in Brooklyn so that Fall feeling isn’t really happening. However, I came across this festive Fall survey over on Nadine’s blog (who found it here)and even though I’m tardy to the link up party, I’m going to do it anyway because I can’t resist.

TBB asks fall

Favorite Fall Sweet Treat? 

hmm.. apple cider donuts. good ones though because sometimes they could be dry. i like the ones with the cinnamon sugar on them, sometimes they’ll throw some apple bits in too. my mouth is watering.

Red, Yellow or Green Apples?

RED. like my home girl Snow White, i can’t resist a perfect red apple. just hold the poison, thanks.


Favorite Fall Sport to Play?

NEXT QUESTION.


Best Drink for Fall?

apple cider. it’s so versatile. you can have it iced/cold, hot, or alcoholic.giphy (7)


Favorite Fall Activity?

i would love to say apple/pumpkin picking but i haven’t been in years. i would also say watching football, but again, that hasn’t happened for me in forever. so, who knows.


Must have Fall purchase?

cardigans, boots, leggings, skinny jeans, BLANKET SCARVES.


Pumpkins: Pick your own or store bought?

pick my own. i just feel like there are some things you shouldn’t just throw on a grocery shopping list. 

Real or Fake Pumpkin?

REAL.


Favorite Halloween Costume?

i just had this conversation with my mom. as a kid, i went as “my mom” where i put curlers in my hair, a nightshirt and pajama pants, a robe and carried a coffee mug. that was a big hit, except my mother has never walked around in curlers and a robe a day in her life so, semantics? i was also a phone. there should be pictures somewhere on here from last year’s halloween post. if not, picture a Zach Morris cellphone with my face where your ear would go. also, it rang. surprisingly, i was never bullied.

more recently, i was a martini, which was one of my favorites. this year i was thinking of going as 90’s mom on vacation, complete with a fanny pack and scrunchie but some other parts of the costume i was building in my head don’t easily come in my size (a neon windbreaker, acid wash jeans) so i bought a headband with a crown on it from the dollar section at target and voila, i’m a princess.


College Football or NFL?

NFL. go Giants!


Fall or Halloween Decor?

Fall, unless it’s cute halloween and not scary halloween.


Raking Leaves or no Leaves to Rake?

we have leaves but we don’t rake them. we sweep them up along with the acorns the squirrels throw at us. i’ll pretend like i do this on a regular any kind of basis, but i’d be lying.

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Favorite Soup?

all of them. loaded potato, autumn squash from panera, clam chowder, lobster bisque, french onion, minestrone. yum


Favorite Fall Candle scent?

specifically, i like Leaves from bath and body works and home sweet home from yankee candle. in general, i like spicy scents for Fall.


Love or Hate Pumpkin Spice?

i’ve grown away from it. i like a nice pumpkin spice frappuccino once in a blue moon, but i’m more of an apple kind of girl.


Short Booties or Tall boots?

both. i’m actually on the hunt for short, black booties, so if anyone knows where i can find some in a very wide width, let me know!


Favorite Halloween Candy?

reeses and almond joy. i love the fun size bars of basically any kind of chocolate.

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PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte): YES or NO?

very, very very occasionally.


Hayride or Corn Maze?

have you ever seen the episode of impractical jokers where Sal’s punishment is a “haunted” corn maze and they strap a camera to his chest so they can capture his every expression and he freaks out over everything (as usual)? that’s me. so i’m going to go with a non-haunted hayride.

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Favorite Fall TV Show?

oh man, you know how I feel about TV. This Is Us, The Little Couple, Jane the Virgin, The Good Place, Bob’s Burgers, The Mindy Project, Grey’s Anatomy, How To Get Away With Murder, Chrisley Knows Best.

There’s just so many.

What are some of your favorite Fall things? If you do this survey, leave me a comment or let me know on Facebook or Instagram so I can read your answers!

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rant and ramble: a possible case of stockholm syndrome

I’ve been at my new job for a month now and I never thought I’d say this there are things I miss about my old one(s).

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I know, so crazy. Especially after all of the blog posts I’ve written, both in my head and on here, all the tears I’ve shed over shitty situations, letters of complaint I’ve threatened to write, here I am missing the place.

Stockholm Syndrome, anyone?

Seriously though, I guess it wasn’t all bad. Like at most jobs, some days were better than others, some people were easier to deal with but all that mattered was that at the end of every other week, there was a paycheck with my name on it.

It’s taking some time to wrap my head around the fact that I don’t work at the Student Center anymore. I don’t have to go there unless I want to, I won’t see my co-workers unless we bump into each other randomly, like at CVS (we live close to each other, it can happen). Funnily enough, I am totally adjusted to the fact that I never have to be behind the desk at the veterinarian’s office ever again. I guess I was more unhappy there than even I realized.

This post is probably a little more for my sake than anyone else’s since I haven’t written in a private journal in years. I wanted to start one again but then I started this blog. So even though there are things that I would want to talk about publically, this will have to do for now. Basically, this is mainly for posterity’s sake.I’ve never left one job for another before. Anyway, I digress.

stop circling the drain, martina. get on with it.

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#sorrynotsorry

I miss…

popcorn parties – we had a real popcorn machine for events like movie night. it went unused for a while, but someone bought fresh kernels finally and then it seemed foolish to not use them. Once we popped, we couldn’t stop, especially when my boss wasn’t there.

rapport/talking – don’t get me wrong, we talk at my new job, but no one knows me. we’re a very small office and the people who I work with have been there forever so they know each other very well. I miss having that with my co-workers. It’s weird to work somewhere where no one knows me. My parents also worked at Downstate (that’s where they met!) for a long time so there were some people who knew me since before I was born. Also, there’s very little chatter. Everyone is doing their job. That’s cool, seeing as we’re at work, but can we take a minute to discuss what is in the water over at the Kardashian Kompound and who’s next?

flow of people – at the Student Center (and at the vet’s office, obviously) there was a constant flow of people. I saw hundreds of faces a day. I talked to them, shared a smile, a helping hand. That’s not the case here. It’s refreshing, but not ideal. I love having the phone ring and having it not be someone trying to push their way into a full appointment book, or not having it be someone asking me to do something they are more than capable of doing. The phone doesn’t ring much, but when it does, it’s usually my boss looking for the office manager, which thankfully, is not me.

music – it was a knife through the heart when I asked if I could play music to help me stay focused (and awake) and was told no because the boss and his wife don’t want it on. My desk phone somehow has a radio on it so at least I have the oldies (who now play Backstreet Boys, #geezlouise) station. It’s really not the biggest of deals, but right now I have a lot of down time so it would be nice to chill out with a little Ed Sheeran or Bruno Mars or, when I really need a pick me up, some Disney.

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my phone – i’m not really allowed to have my phone out, which is a blessing and a curse. First, I don’t have the WiFi password (I’m not even sure if there is WiFi) and I’m not trying to use all of my data. Second, I think we all could use a few hours of a phone detox. However, I miss scrolling. I miss my quick, but plentiful Instagram breaks #instabreak. I can sneak a peek if I don;t have work in front of me, but I don’t want the temptation of it becoming an issue. My boss was adamant about it when I first met him, so best to not step on any toes right now.

dressing up – my new job is suuuuuuper casual. Like, so casual that my makeup routine has turned into (lots of) mascara and some eyeliner. PERIOD. I’m not complaining because it leaves more time for other morning routines, like praying I hit the Mega and then remembering I never bought a ticket. Could I glam myself up every so often? Sure, but honestly, this job doesn’t call for a (light)smokey eye or a bold lip. Even a sweater dress is a little much. I just bought a black tutu (for God knows what reason) so, I guess my weekends just got a little more upscale.

I don’t have a title for this paragraph but I wanted to add, as if I haven’t said it 95863 times already, I miss my co-workers. Specifically, the ones who worked at the desk with me. They really got me through some tough times, both personally and professionally. They were there for the good ones too. We shared laughs, complaints and lots of cake. I miss the gossip. I’m a feen for that stuff and love the juicy deets. There seems to be a ton yet none at my new job. I find myself thinking about what could be going on over at the Student Center often. I keep thinking that my week is still split between two jobs and that I’ll see everyone soon. It’s a process. I’m working through it. Circling back on a related note, I miss the people I got used to seeing all the time. Downstate students and employees, former students, some of who worked with us. I didn’t get to say goodbye to most of them (it would be impossible) and I kind of wish there was a way I could have.

I don’t miss

being asked to do things that were specifically given to someone else and them taking credit for them.

the public (specifically the people who think it’s right/ fair/ not an issue to speak to the receptionist at their veterinarian’s office like they’re dumb/a piece of shit.)

not having set hours/ getting taken advantage of

not getting paid for taking a day off

working weekends

having to find coverage for my shift

not having the internet

not having my own desk

not having functioning heat/AC

misogynistic asshole managers

being spoken to in general like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

feeling like I’m stupid/incompetent/incapable

not feeling appreciated

not feeling like I can’t do anything right

doing grunt work (i’ll happily file papers, alphabetize things, cut ribbons, etc. but why would i be asked to clean the bars you put weights on because they’re rusty and filthy, in front of a room full of men, when you know they’re too heavy/awkward to carry out so that I can accomplish this without it looking highly inappropriate, if you catch my drift, when we have a staff of (male)cleaners that could do it. I don’t mind working, but don’t give me busy work just ’cause. or because my being there needs to be “justified”)

speaking of… being told my being at work needed to be “justified” and then not having anything for me to do.

being asked “what are you working on?” and when I answer nothing right now, being asked to do 16 things you, as the assistant director, were supposed to have done already or being asked to do something you, as a man, should do yourself and not ask me, as a woman, to do. (I’m all for equality – 100%, here for it. But, when a man tells a woman to do *insert task that i have now forgotten what was barked at me* and then says, not sarcastically, might I add, “are you able to do that? just get it done” (AND THINK THAT THAT’S OK) he can, quite frankly, go fuck himself do it himself, amirite?

Clearly, I have/had a few issues. Listen, working, in general, isn’t ideal. I really like my new job, but see how fast I’m out of there if I hit the Mega. It’s just nice to get up and not want to go to work because it’s work or it’s Monday or whatever and not because there’s a pit of dread in your stomach because you don’t know what to expect for the day. Or because you just don’t want have to deal with the bullshit. Maybe it will come to that. Maybe not. Right now I’m content. Now if only my love life could catch up.

GOD BLESS.

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