$4,812 – by carrie’s standards

I’M A SHITTY BLOGGER.

there. i said it. let’s move on.

Instead of a weight loss update, because this is more than a weight loss blog and that’s the hill I will die on, I wanted to just do kind of a Currently post. A brain dump of sorts.

Should I wait to mention weight loss related things? Or should I just get them out of the way? Everything is related and connected in some way, so I’ll just get it out of the way now. To date, I’ve lost 91.6 pounds. It was more a few weigh-ins ago but I had two small gains for two weeks in a row. I think I’m back on track now but this weekend I have two birthday celebrations. I’m writing this on Friday night and I weigh in on Monday so hopefully I don’t do too much damage in the next 48 hours. I think I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know in a month or two.

update: it’s monday. i gained .6 (point 6) pounds. This means that for the first time on this journey, my gains outnumbered my losses and I had a gain for the overall month. i could be dramatic and say i’m heartbroken, but i’m not. i’m not happy (at all) but i have too many other things going on right now to worry about it too much. i want to hit the 100 pound mark by christmas. wish me luck!

update 2: it’s wednesday. i’m still writing this. it’s been almost a week. you’d think i was writing the next great american novel, or at least something that was above a 5th grade reading level.

I started this blog in December 2013. In October 2014, I participated in Blogtober with Taylor of The Daily Tay and Helene of Helene in Between. In doing that, I (cyber) met Libby of Honestly, Libby (where she doesn’t blog anymore and that makes me sad but I’m coping – so I’m not going to link it but you should definitely punch it into Google because her posts are very enjoyable). We became fast friends, bonding over our love of pop culture and celebreality. Fast forward to a few months ago when she came to me and asked if I would be interested in writing about my weight loss journey for her EveryBody campaign on Yahoo Style Canada. I accepted and my piece went up about 3 weeks ago. Click the picture below and get to reading! Then share it and tell everyone you know to do the same. I’m hoping the same person who decided it was a great idea to pay Carrie Bradshaw $4 A WORD (as she emphatically told Charlotte, with her head bobbing up and down like Charlotte gives a flying shit) will think the same about me. I couldn’t help but wonder: if someone as vexing as Carrie could make that much money, is it so much of a stretch that I could too?

A few months ago, I was suckered* into taking my hair quiz and ordering a custom shampoo and conditioner set from Function of Beauty.

*found a coupon code

At first I thought “meh. it’s just $50 shampoo.” Then, one day I was blowing my hair and when I was finished, I looked it the mirror and was honestly, shook. My hair had body and movement. It was shiny and the layers were layer-ry. I’m past that point where it’s right before I need a haircut but my hair is actually cooperating. No, I need a haircut. It must be the shampoo. Can I afford $50 for shampoo and conditioner every 3 months? No. Did I sign up for a subscription anyway? Yep.

I got wrapped up in a Drunk History binge the other night and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Drunk people usually annoy the piss out of me, but since they were in my TV and not in my face, I didn’t mind. I was pleasantly surprised to see Josh Hartnett in the Love episode. Fitting, seeing as he was one of the objects of my 14-year-old affections. So, she got a thrill.

I re-activated my Bumble account last week. I tried so hard to give it the old college try, but I couldn’t take it after about 3 days. First of all, almost every time I matched with someone, it was someone I already matched with the last time I was active. Second, just like the last time, conversations were terrible. Don’t get me wrong – only 2 guys actually responded to me but one of them I had matched with and talked to a few months ago. He took a few steps too forward then and he did it again, so that ended quickly. The other guy took hours to answer, give me one-word answers and did nothing to keep up a conversation. Needless to say, that also ended quickly.

Since my account had been inactive for months, I needed to update my pictures. I’ll tell you – that was a humbling experience. I uploaded all of my perfectly cropped photos and the most fire of selfies. OR SO I THOUGHT. I’m not sure why, but every time I’d proof my profile, I was so disappointed with my pictures. It was my face. My face annoyed me. Listen, I’ve always put my best social media foot forward. When it comes to uploading pictures of myself, I’ve always been confident. I am what I am. Tell me why I looked at every single picture I uploaded and found fault in all of them

“Why is one of my eyes drooping?”

“The bags under my eyes are huge”

“My teeth look big”

“Will my chin ever slim down?

“I USED to be photogenic”

“No wonder I’m single if this is what I’m putting out there.”

“You know how bumble works, right? they see your picture and take .5 seconds to swipe left or right. i’d swipe left on you for sure”

Bumble just puts me in a bad place and I’m not 100% sure why I revisited it. I’m lonely. That’s the bottom line. I have friends and family and good co-workers but at the end of the day, it’s just me. I’m not a touchy, feely kind of person at all but I can’t tell you how I would love for someone to hold my hand… or squeeze my butt. Social media does a number on me too. It’s just been a lot lately. ughhh. vulnerability is not my jam.

To redirect: I’m going to Medieval Times this weekend for my cousin’s birthday. He’s 36. I’m excited. I haven’t been there since my 5th-grade senior trip. So, 5 years. Maybe I’ll find my knight in shining armor. aaanddd we’re back. I can’t tell you how many eye rolls I got the first (100) times I made that joke. Like, what’s so eye-rolly about it? IT COULD HAPPEN. I have to have faith because if not, I’ll just spiral myself into a huge panic attack about being a single only child for the rest of my life.

By Carrie Bradshaw’s payscale, this post is worth $4,812.00. I think that’s enough for now. Honestly, it went in a direction I did not want/plan to go in and I’m spent. Thanks for listening. Thanks for sticking around.

Love you, mean it.

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