martina is losing it #19

When did I last post an update? Yea, I can’t remember either. And yea, I’m too lazy to check. I’m still here, still eating and tracking.

I vaguely remember mentioning that I had gained .7 pounds and that it was fine. So we’ll go from there. The following week I lost 1.1 pounds. Back in the saddle, right?

WRONG.

As of my last weigh in, I gained 1.8 pounds AND I DON’T KNOW WHY. Truly. I got my blue dots, tracked everything. I didn’t get any extra walking in, but for the one day a week that I MAY walk around the park, is it all that much? Obviously, it’s something, but.. yikes. This gain really irked me. Like, really irked the shit out of me. So Friday morning, after sulking and feeling sorry for myself all day on Thursweigh, I hopped back on the scale and was 2.5 pounds down from my official Thursday weigh in. How did I lose so much weight in a few hours? I’m still perplexed.

When I weigh in, I step on, look down and step off. Sometimes I’ll move the scale a little left or a little right and repeat the dance. I know, I’ve said that before, bear with me. Even though the Thursday/Friday weigh-ins seemed off and pretty much impossible, I had no choice but to accept both and hope for the best next week. The best being still being down those 2.5 pounds, if not more. Otherwise, this may be the first month on this journey that I don’t have a loss, which is just not going to work for me.

I don’t have many NSVs this go around. Honestly, things have been pretty stagnant. It’s been feeling pretty monotonous over here. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that almost every night, it’s chicken or fish for dinner. I value and appreciate my mom and her cooking more than I could describe, but in the beginning, we were finding recipes and workshopping them and trying everything and now it’s like, “did you roast the chicken and veggies or did you saute them?” BOOOORRRRING and frustrating. The other thing is that it’s cold. Mind-numbingly cold. Tomorrow’s high is 16 degrees. Granted, Wednesday it will be 40, but my God, this winter is barely a month old and I’m over it. It’s not that I can’t go out, it’s that I don’t want to but I’m realizing how freaking bored I am. It’s not just because of the weather, in general, I don’t do much and I’m bored AF. The weather doesn’t help though.

I used my Torrid Haute Cash to get some jeans, but I wound up returning 3 out of 4 pairs because even though I ordered them in “short” they were just long enough to bunch and bag near my ankles. That drives me INSANE. I don’t know if I just prefer a jegging or if my legs are just too short for anything but a jegging. I like for my jeans to touch my leg the whole way down. I’ve lived long enough with pants that bag at the ankles and the crotch. I’m tired of jeans that don’t fit how I want them to. This is a major reason why I always feel schlubby. Sometimes I’ll try them on in store and they’ll be fine. I’ll buy them and then when I go to put them on again, they bag and don’t look right and my carefully thought out outfit is ruined. #rage If I lose weight this week, I’ll have lost close to, if not more than 70 pounds. I THINK I DESERVE JEANS THAT HUG MY ASS AND LEGS. something has to, for God’s sake.

We have a salesman at work that is usually in the field but stops in the office once a week. When he came in on Wednesday, he asked me if I had lost weight in my face. I snickered in my head and said “yea, a little”. finally! amirite?

Lately, all I’ve wanted to do was eat with reckless abandon. Cheeseburgers, pizza, candy, popcorn. Any and everything. I blame the president and all his talk of “hamburders“. There’s also a small part of me that forgets that I have not done that (ever in my life. portion control and speed of eating have always been a problem of mine, but bingeing just to eat, nah.) since April. I can’t figure out when a point is taken away, but I know that when I had lost that 1.1pounds two weigh ins ago, they took away a point. So on Thursday, WHEN I lose some weight, I’m sure I’ll also lose that point. If I can work some of these cravings into one day once a week, then I’ll be fine. I know that one cheeseburger won’t make me gain all of it back, but it sure is a slippery slope – one that I really don’t want to slide down.

I was in the bathroom at work the other day, washing my hands and I saw that my hands looked… Ligament-y? Bone-y? Thin? Madonna-like? No, never Madonna-like. I have to say, the one thing I didn’t realize when losing weight is how many places you lose it from but don’t expect to lose it from. When I graduated 8th grade, we got measured for class rings. I was a size 9. I’ve been a size 9 up until last month when I tried on a ring I bought for my mom for Christmas, which was a size 7, and it fit. I then tried on her engagement ring, which happened to be my grandmothers and also a size 7. It was a little tight (so maybe it was a size 6?) but I got it on, for the most part.

I just ordered a fanny pack. I hope I don’t look like a total moron, but I’m making it happen.

I have a clavicle. Who knew?! When I thrust my shoulder forward, there is a definite dip between my neck and shoulder. I would say I’m 15(?) pounds away from not needing to move my shoulders in order for Clavy to make an appearance. Maybe 20.

I realized today that I am right around the weight I was as a senior in high school. I did (the program formerly known as) Weight Watchers before prom and lost about 20, almost 30 pounds. I got into One-derland. Prom came and went and so did my One-derland citizenship. I’m pretty sure I’m near the weight I started at back then. I may have my old weigh-in book stashed somewhere, so I’ll have to check and report back. I’m also hunting around for my high school gym sweats. I have a feeling that they either fit now or they will soon.

And finally, this happened last week. #done.

For someone who didn’t have much to talk about, there sure are a lot of paragraphs up there. I’m going to go now and think of summer and plan fun things that probably won’t come to fruition.

Love you, mean it.

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