martina is losing it #14

I’m going to be real with you guys. Part of my absence was because time just got away from me and all of a sudden it’s like 3 weeks and I haven’t put up an update. The other part was that October was not the greatest month on this journey for me. In total, I’ve lost 5.2 pounds for the month. That’s with a very (, very) small gain, one nice loss, and then two other weeks of lackluster losses. I mean, as much as I’m complaining and kind of wallowing, it’s 5.2 pounds that are not on me anymore. This brings my overall total to 52.5 pounds lost. That’s (supposedly) a 40inch flat screen TV. I say supposedly because I’ve lifted a 52inch flatscreen before and it didn’t seem anywhere near 50+ pounds.

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All of that being said, I’ve had, what three weeks? of thoughts and NSVs that I need to tell the internet about. So.. here we GO!

It’s a new(ish) season and I want/need some new clothes. I was in JCPenney with my mom and we were headed to the dressing room when I saw a dress in the prettiest teal color with a velvet overlay. I had to try it on. I grabbed a size that seemed sensible (2 sizes down from my “usual) and made my way to the dressing room. I tried on the dress and it fit, but something was off. I asked my mom to get the next size down (!!). I slipped it on and it fit and it wasn’t sausage like and I probably didn’t even need a Spanx. I mean, WHAT? The only downside was it was sleeveless and I have a newfound disdain for my upper arms and hello, it’s October. I would appreciate a sleeve. So I put it back. Moral of the story – THREE WHOLE SIZES DOWN.

Pants and bras have been another issue. My pants size depends on the store. It’s gone down, but by how much depends strongly on where I’m shopping. Like, before I even lost an ounce, I used to try Torrid jeans every so often when I felt like my mental state was too stable and I needed to shake it up a bit. I used to take “my size” and one up into the dressing room and break out into a full sweat and tears trying to even get them past my knees. I refused to go up any higher in size because my biggest area I needed to clothe was my stomach. My thighs aren’t terribly huge, I have some junk in the trunk but a Kardashian I am not. So, while I might have been able to get the jeans on and buttoned in an even larger size, they would hang everywhere else. does your crotch hang low… I hate bras. Always have, probably always will. I just bought two that are a full band (from what I was wearing. God only knows if that was accurate) and a full cup down. Are they comfortable? Yea, as comfortable as a traveling torture chamber can be. Have I mentioned I hate bras?

I’m really loving finding items of clothing that I know didn’t fit (at all or well) last year, putting them on expecting them not to fit and finding that not only do they fit, they’re pretty much too big.

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The other morning I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and I moved my arm a certain way and all of a sudden a hollow near my collarbone appeared. I literally did a double take, moved my arm back and forth to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing, and then winked and finger gunned at myself in the mirror If I could be honest, other than wearing a smaller size and seeing my extra chins disappear, THIS is my most awaited, highly anticipated, not sure if it was going to happen without working out, NSV.

I’ve had not one but TWO people tell me that I’ve inspired them to start the program. That sounds a little culty, but you know what I mean. My journey is far from over, but it feels like it has come full circle. I was inspired by people on Instagram and took the plunge and now I’m the person on Instagram, inspiring people to take the plunge.

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i know i’m not my own role model in this situation, but i’m not one to pass up a mindy gif.

I’ve really cut down/basically put a stop to my Bumble swiping. I really just don’t have the energy. I’m not 100% convinced that finding love online is right for me. Still, I’m keeping my eyes and ears open anywhere and everywhere. That being said, I had a genius (Nicole says she brought this up once when we were in the car, but since when I get into the car there’s a concert that almost immediately breaks out, I cannot confirm that thought, so I’ll just take the credit) idea that since now Weight Watchers is being called WW and is focusing not just weight loss but overall wellness, they should either start an in-app dating service or they should make a WW exclusive dating app/site.

Some rules:

  1. It would only be available to people who are actively using WW or who have reached Lifetime status.
  2.  You would use your WW login credentials to get in.
  3. WW would have to strongly monitor who is using the service, as to weed out chubby chasers and trolls.

Is it perfect? No, probably not. Is it worth a shot? Umm. heck yes. Call me, WW. I just think that if you have someone to work towards your goal with you, who understands completely the struggle and how important your journey is to you, how could you go wrong? (don’t answer that) I also feel like, and this is completely from experience, when you feel insecure about your body and you feel like because of that you’re holding back from.. idk, everything? Or at least from making a move. I also know how far a little flattery goes. Maybe it would give someone the opportunity to get out of the friendzone. I’ve been there and it’s a sad place.

Of course, there are people who don’t let their body hold them back and are much more outgoing than I am and who have never spent a second in the friendzone. Good for those people, I wish I were one. Neither option is really the “norm”, it just depends on the person, I guess.

Either way, CALL ME, WW. Let’s talk.

I think that’s it, friends. Hopefully, November is a better month for me and the scale. Have a fun and safe Halloween (fun size Butterfingers come out to 1 point each, so enjoy!)

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