a big halloweenie

Happy Halloween my spook-tacular friends!

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I haven’t been around in a while, for which I apologize. The days just get away from me and then all of a sudden, Facebook is on my case saying that my followers miss me. Write a post. Don’t tell me what to do, Zuckerberg.

Anyway, I digress. I love a good theme post and what better theme for today than to talk about things that scare me. I should just put a big

EVERYTHING

right here and then sign off, but because I’m a good sport and owe you a nice post, I’ll make a list. It’s also good therapy. I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just jump right in.

*i may have spoken about these things before and if so, i apologize. i try to keep it fresh, but let’s be real, i’m not cut out for fresh.

turkeys – I’m DEAD SERIOUS. First of all, they are the ugliest things I’ve ever seen. Nightmare inducing, literally. In 3rd grade we went on a field trip to some jacked up farm where they let us in the turkey pen (the 90s were a different time) and all I remember is my classmates getting crowded by them and my teacher getting bit. That night I was convinced they were under my comforter and were going to peck me to death or rub their waddles on my legs and I was not having it. Second of all, they’re mean – see above. Third, they’re always popping up where they don’t belong. Like in the new Subway commercial. GOBBLE SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU HELLION BEAST.

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escalators- I feel like I’ve talked about this here before, but maybe not because I’m really embarrassed by this one. I don’t know where this came from and I really want to get hypnotized to get to the root of it. I can’t even get to close if I have to pass them in the mall. It’s really annoying and super embarrassing and I hate it. I’ve tried to man up and get on one but I physically can’t do it. I just don’t understand why stairs need to move. They’re stairs.

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children- I don’t mean ones that come to be after a night of bad decisions, especially since my badest decisions lately are deciding to eat the whole roll of raw cookie dough while catching up on The Good Place (does anyone watch this show? It’s really good!). I mean the ones that have too much energy in CVS. The sticky kids. The ones who don’t care about inside voices and speeds. The question askers. The incessant cryers. Ugh. I know I sound like a terrible person. I like kids (*every one of my friends and family members are hysterically laughing right now), I really do, but they terrify me.

online shopping – ok, this one is a lie. I’m not scared of online shopping, I’m scared I’m forming a terrible addiction to it. (um, i bought a black tutu for absolutely no reason. send help.)I haven’t had the chance to get to the mall and update my fall wardrobe. Enter the internet. I’ve done more buying and returning in the past month, my father made a comment today that he’ll have to up the mailman’s Christmas bonus (he’s a real jokester, my father. but for real, my mailman needs a raise.) IT’S JUST SO CONVENIENT.

nuclear war- I mean, really.

What are you scared of?