I have a running joke with my mom that I am a poor representation of an adult. I mean, I have a job (or two), I have credit cards that I pay the bills on once a month, I watch the news fairly regularly, I had to Google what ICYMI meant the other day, I can drive and I don’t have a curfew. Other than that, basically, I’m a child. I don’t do my own laundry (thanks, Mom!), I’m not in any kind of relationship, I’m not 100% happy in either of my jobs (which probably falls into the adult category), and (among other things) still (kind of) expect my mom to call and make any and all appointments for me. However, in the eyes of the City of New York, I am a full, bonafide adult which they reward by summoning me to JURY DUTY.
So, without much of a choice, I pulled up my big girl pants, and on my day off I trudged off to pay my civic dues.
Did I mention it started to pour as soon as I got off the bus? And that I had no umbrella? Yea. So, there’s that.
Anyway, as we all know, jury duty is a lot of sitting and waiting. And if you’re me, reading and avoiding eye contact. Basically, I had lots of thoughts and lots of time to think them. And lucky for you, I wrote a number of them down on a receipt that I had floating around in my bag! (I filled in a good number of them because no reciept that would be found in a bag of mine is this long.)
ugh. jury duty on my day off? come on!
should i bring my charger? they keep stressing the NO PHONES policy.
who am i kidding?
*decides not to bring charger*
hey! doesn’t [7th grade crush] work in the courts?
he sure does! yes!
*sets alarm 20 minutes earlier to pull myself together, you know, just in case*
are you going to jury duty or da cluuub? cool it with the smokey eye!
eh, whatever. *adds more eyeshadow* *blends furiously*
*bus arrives at stop, gets off bus*
oh, wonderful. IT’S POURING.
of course, i’m summoned to the courthouse that’s furthest away from civilization
i hope [7th-grade crush] goes for the “wet rat” look
my mascara is definitely halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge by now.. run for your life!
*goes through security, finds jury room*
why does this lady keep talking about getting called into a courtroom? is this definite? please God, not another day of this.
how did this chick get wi-fi? did i miss a sign? i wonder if she’ll give me the password
should i ask? umm.. i’ll stick to reading my book, thanks.
maybe i should have brought my charger
i should have packed a backpack with activities. because i’m a mature adult.
(almost) 30 going on 3. my parents must be so proud
oh, you’re allowed food in here? i wish i had known that before i turned into a boa constrictor and unhinged my jaw to scoff down that bagel this morning while i waited to get into the courthouse.
if i lie down, will these people judge me? do i really care?
*gets excused for lunch*
shake shack – here i come!
*hoofs it to shake shack*
WHY IS THIS PLACE SO CROWDED?? UGHH.
*anxiety about coming back late sinks in*
maybe next time, shake shack
ok, burger king it is!
oh! there’s a starbucks right across the street! unicorn frappe anybody?
no, martina. no unicorn frappes.
*5 sips in to my not too basic vanilla bean frappe* meh. over it *tosses the rest in the trash on the way back into the courthouse*
ok, [7th grade crush], last shot.
seriously, if i lay down right here, is that so bad?
please let this be over soon.
oh, they’re calling names please not me. PLEASE NOT ME.
woof. dodged that bullet.
it’s 3:30, they’ve called 15 people. this is the home stretch
maybe if i put one leg up on the seat, and then the other, and slide down a bit…
nope, not comfortable.
i don’t know how much more i can take
FREE TO GO! SEE YOU IN NO LESS THAN 8 YEARS, BROOKLYN SUPREME COURT!