living like a kardashian

I’m going to put something out there and I need you guys not to judge me.

I’ve gotten hooked on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

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I know. I KNOW. But honestly, I did some quick math as to when they would have filmed, and I thought there was a possibility of Harry making an appearance since he and Kendall were a thing. So far, no luck. Not even a mention of the yacht trip. I’m still holding out hope. Then again, I’ve never been that great at math.

The up-side to my new time killer is that it got me to thinking. I’ve written about what I’d do if I won the lotto a while ago. Although I still love and stand by my answers, I feel like the lotto is a bit of a hassle; too much pressure. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t say no thank you to a Powerball win. As I have gotten deeper into the lives of Kim and klan, I keep thinking to myself, one – why are you still watching this? and two – how can I live like a Kardashian? Unlike lotto winnings that can run out, Kardashian money just keeps coming. I’ve said before and I’ll say again – I know they work hard. I could never be ON all the time. Also, Kendall is a legitimate model. Anyway, they just seem to have a constant flood of money. Like when Kendall was away for work and was feeling left out when she came home so the other girls planned a sleepover/girls night and had their faces put on to sticks. What the heck is Kendall going to do with them afterward? It just seems like a waste all around. Basically, I want to be able to buy/do stupid things with my money and not regret or worry about it.

Getting back on track – when I was little and got a little out of control with the pointing at the TV and screaming “I WANT THAT!” at almost every toy commercial, my parents would tell me that the money tree in the backyard hadn’t bloomed yet. Well, now I’m going to pretend that the undying money tree has bloomed and I now have the ability to live like a Kardashian, without the pesky lottery commission taking out taxes and without having the hassle of filming a sex tape for my mom to sell.

She-Shed: I was flipping through the channels the other day and I came across a show called “He Shed/ She Shed”. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Two designers. One puts together a shed oasis for a woman and the other does one for a man. There’s no winner or loser. Immediately I thought about how great it would be to plop one of those in my backyard, wire it with the essentials – electricity, internet, carve out a small corner for a toilet and maybe a small sink (because, #convienience) and live there. I realize it would be easier and probably more self-sufficient to just use the money to buy my own place, but I’ve always wanted one of these bad boys so even with my own home, I’d still get one. Like a staycation home. It would be like living in a Diane Keaton movie, only less menswear.  I would need the money tree because I get bored pretty easily and I would need to redecorate often. And those things aren’t cheap. But who can put a price on paradise?

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Pedro Garcia Idana flats – First I would need a foot transplant because my feet are too flat and too wide for these beauties. They hurt just looking at them. But tell me these aren’t the most summery shoes you’ve ever seen. They totally are. Also perfect for summer brides or brides doing the destination thang and getting married on a beach. Having horrible feet and not being a bride, I’ll have to sit these out, but I’ll think of them always. the shoes that got away.

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Flowers – EVERYWHERE. I absolutely love fresh flowers. Big bouquets, small ones. Wildflowers, captive flowers. I would have a florist on call. Maybe set up weekly deliveries. Then, when I get old and senile, I’ll think I have a secret admirer who sends flowers all the time. Right now, I’m my own paramour and treat myself to bodega bouquets pretty regularly. Still, not as exciting as weekly deliveries and not so secret admirers.

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Sunglasses- I’m going thorugh a sunglass phase in my life. I can’t get enough. I would love to be able to buy any pair I want with no remorse. I was wondering through Macy’s recently and I fell in love with this pair from Michael Kors. I tried them on and as the sales girl came over to see if I needed anything, I looked up and she said “Ohh yes. Those are so you!” Sales tactic or not, I need these glasses now. (I mean, my birthday is less than two weeks away.. #hint.) I also heard RayBan has come out with a pair that has really dark lenses. This may not be a new thing. I live for dark lenses. The better to hide my side-eye with, my dear.

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Gel manicures – In the scheme of things, this is probably the one thing that I wouldn’t need a money tree for, but I figured I’d add it because I don’t always make time to go. I just got a gel mani for a wedding (that I will write about in detail soon!) but not 5 days after I got the manicure, one nail is chipped and two more are lifting. NOT COOL. Aren’t these things supposed to survive nuclear war?

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BRB, going to sprinkle some Miracle Gro on the money tree.

What would you do with unlimited funds?

Let’s discuss!

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