Putting myself out there

So it’s been almost a month. I know, I’m sorry. I wish I had a good excuse but I don’t. I just wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t inspired. I can’t promise that things will change from here on out but I can try. And that’s what counts.

In an effort to make myself believe that when I am doing what I love it shows in the results I sat down at my computer and chose some photos to donate to the silent auction being held at work. In case you’re wondering, we hold a silent auction every year to raise money to benefit the school’s student book scholarship. Anyway, I wanted to donate something other than my used chotchkes. I decided on five of my favorites and ordered them in a 5×7 size. When they came, I went to Amazing Savings, a.k.a my happy place, and found beautifully simple black frames with a black and white mat. From the five pictures, I chose three and framed them. I have to admit, they look really good.

I brought them into work today and prepared myself to show my boss. I’ve made the mistake of dwelling on my job and how unhappy I am there in other blogs that I’ve started and forgot about so I won’t get into it but, for the new comers out there, I am unhappy at my job. I am working to remedy that situation. My boss is a hard, hard nut to crack. I was nervous because although I have been told that I have a talent in photography and that I should show my work more, I find it hard to wrap my head around that. My thoughts always end up somewhere in the realm of “I may be good but someone else is better”.

I pulled out the first one and I’m not lying when I say her eyes lit up. She ooo’ed and ahhh’d over the three of them and tried to figure out where she would hang them in her office if she happened to have the winning bid. I told her that if they turn out to be such a huge hit and incite a bidding war that she happens to lose, I would make her a copy of the picture that she fell in love with. She looked touched which felt pretty good. I asked her what she would value them at so that I could enter it into our database. She said she would value them at $50 each and start the bidding at $25. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was expecting her to value them at $25 and start the bidding at $15. Not because I’m not worth $50 but because it cost me next to nothing to make this donation. Honestly, each picture came to less than $10 – framed.

I left her office floating on a cloud. It took alot for me to put myself and my work out there. The same way it takes alot for me to put these blogs out there. In my head I’m never funny enough or sound smart enough or bring up any good points. My pictures aren’t lit well enough, they aren’t composed the right way, there’s something in the frame that I don’t know how to edit out. I have to figure out a way to crawl out of my own head for a few minutes and realize that I AM talented and people DO appreciate my work. Like I could tell you right now what’s going through my head is ughhh this is boring. stop using commas. maybe i won’t post this. if i don’t post it then what/when will i post? 

SO FRUSTRATING.

So yea, basically I just wanted to get on here and share my triumph of putting myself out there. GO ME!

I didn’t make any concrete resolutions this year but putting myself out there would be on the list.  Since it’s still January and I need a way to wrap up, my other goals of the year would be:

  1. To write more
  2. To photograph more
  3. To stop being so hard on myself (This is a BIG one. And it’s important because I’m annoying myself with all of my negativity.)

Sorry if you found this post a little dull (there I go again).  Please come back for more. They’ll get better – I’ll make sure of it!

In case you were wondering, these are the photos that I decided to donate. Enjoy!

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