I had this post written in my head at least twenty times. Now that I finally have the time to sit and get it all down, I have no idea what to say or how to start. I guess I should jump right in.
If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been kind of absent this month. I know I’m not a daily poster nor do I strive to be. Although, having my shit together enough to be able to write fun and engaging posts everyday is a goal of mine. Anyway, I haven’t been around lately. I mentioned in my last post that life had been kicking me in the crotch. It’s gotten a little bit better, then a little bit worse. It’s like a roller coaster and I hate rides. Without getting in to too much detail, my father has been in the hospital for the past two weeks. He went in on a Thursday and for two days he was, for all intents and purposes, fine. On Saturday, he woke up in a totally different mental state. By Monday he was confined to a bed, unable to speak clearly, not really knowing what was going on or where he was. He’s gotten a little better since then but still no where near the dad that I know.
Scary words like stroke, brain bleed, and aneurysm have floated around. They’ve run tests for all of them and more but each one comes out cleaner than the next. It gets to a point where, and if you’ve ever been in a situation like this you’ll understand exactly what I mean, you hope that something comes back negative. Like when I found myself wishing they’d tell us it was meningitis. I know how horrible that sounds. But when no one can give you an answer and all you want is your loved one back to normal, your mind goes a million different ways.
The nurses and aides have been great. The doctors on the other hand leave much to be desired. Basically, for the first six days not one doctor spoke to me or my mom except to ask a question or two. My mom was finally able to speak to one of the doctors but as of now, we’re on day four of no new information. Almost like when my spirit animal, Dorothy Zbornak, was sick and couldn’t get an answer out of anyone.
Being at the hospital is exhausting. Worrying is exhausting. Twice last week I fell asleep with the light next to my bed on and didn’t know until I woke up the next morning. Real life has been pushed off to the side and nothing feels normal anymore. All of my nightly rituals, like blogging and painting my nails, have become a memory. For right now, staying up past 10pm is an accomplishment. Luckily, my mom and I have an excellent support system. Words cannot express how much we appreciate them and their phone calls, texts and promises of prayer.
So that explains where I’ve been but that’s not the point of this post. The point is that in the midst of all this, I found out about Chobani’s #breakyoumake campaign. They want to know who in your life needs a break. Do my twenty minute bathroom breaks at work count? There’s a lot to be said for sitting on a toilet, scrolling through Facebook.
Obviously, I didn’t have to think long or hard about who in my life needs a breather. Ryan Seacrest. That guy is everywhere. i kid, i kid. but seriously, he’s everywhere.
Throughout this whole ordeal, my mom has been not just a rock, but a diamond. She has been at the hospital every single day, waited for doctors who never came, makes sure my father eats. She is his advocate and mouthpiece. She makes sure she’s on top of everything since the doctors are not giving her any kind of peace of mind. She helps the nurses feed my father because he’s stubborn and won’t eat. She comes home and makes sure the bills are paid and the house is neat. She also makes sure there’s something for me to take to work for lunch, is there for me when I feel overwhelmed by all of this. I don’t know how she does it. She needs a break. And a cocktail.
Even when life is normal, my mother keeps the machine that is our lives well oiled. She does it all, as if it’s second nature. I guess it sort of is. She’s always there when I have a bad day at work, when I forget to wash something I need for the next day, to give advice about any and everything. She’s my biggest supporter and number one fan. Before all of this happened, I was sitting with my father in our living room and my mom was making dinner. My father looked at me and said “She does a lot for us. She does everything for us. Appreciate her.” I looked at him like he was nuts because why is he telling me something I already know?
I’ve tried many times to express my appreciation to her for everything that she does. I have yet to figure out how. Sending her on a nice vacation sounds good. Especially since she’d probably want someone to go with her and I could easily make myself very available. So whoever wants to send
us her somewhere to relax, I’m open for discussions. My mom is a simple person, though so maybe a nice, relaxing day spent on the couch with some snacks and our favorite television shows. What, you thought I wasn’t going to get in on the relaxing in front of the television action also? Pshh. Not when there’s snacks involved.
Who needs a break in your life?